Suicide Prevention Week 2014
I am Not Ashamed
I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that I suffer from depression. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to tell you that I see a therapist. I am not ashamed to say, “I AM DEPRESSED AND NEED HELP!!!” This wasn’t always the case. I let depression dictate my life. Mental Illness was more powerful (or so I thought) than God could ever be. Well, on September 5th, 2014 my theory was proven wrong! After three to four weeks of struggling with the worst depression of my life, God intervened and proved to me He is stronger than anything I can imagine. I was laying in bed that Friday night, and it suddenly occurred to me that my depression was gone. Saturday, September 6th, 2014- I went to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting. They asked if there were any newcomers, and I very awkwardly raised my hand. They called me up, and I got a chip.
So how did this all happen?? In eighth grade, I was diagnosed with depression. It wasn’t until after I graduated from high school that the depression got severe. I was never hospitalized or anything, but I did completely shut down and spend days in bed. Here’s when the miracle happened….. I gave my testimony in front of the membership class at my church, and two guys prayed over me after class. My depression went into remission, but came back with a vengeance at the end of August of this year. It was to the point where I literally felt like nobody cared, and nobody wanted me. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of two years, I lost a job that I thought was my dream job, and about two weeks ago, I was in a car accident. Talk about hitting rock bottom….
Darkest Secret and Faith
Well, I will openly admit that I wanted to end my life, but kept that detail very secret…. I only told a select couple of people. Well, thanks to a good friend, and the grace of God I am still here. I have conquered the worst depression of my life. God is greater than depression, God is greater than addiction, God is stronger than any battle we will ever face! Depression will always be part of my life, but with God, I will ALWAYS come out ahead!
The New Addiction
There’s another problem this depression created- an addiction to pornography. Okay, before you go, “You’re NUTS!” Let me explain. This has been an ongoing struggle, but I WILL conquer it just like I conquered depression. I will always struggle with pornography, just like I will always struggle with depression, but with my rediscovered faith, anything can be conquered. God is and will remain faithful. Even when I am not faithful to Him, by His grace, He remains faithful to me.
I have a long road of recovery ahead of me, but I will get through this! I hope and pray that anybody who is reading this who suffers from mental illness will feel encouraged. WE WILL CONQUER THIS TOGETHER!!!! Please pray for me as I continue to battle this illness as well as my pornography addiction, and if you ever need prayer for the issues of depression, addiction or anything else, please e-mail me and I would be more than happy and willing to pray with you as well as for you. God bless