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Suicide: An act never forgotten by those who loved you

Updated on October 26, 2015

Suicide: What does it do?

It could be a silly question to ask what suicide does. Suicide is the ending of one's life by their own volition. However, suicide is so much more than that. Suicide strikes home. It will forever be in the mind of the person who found your body and the hearts of those who miss you every day. This is my story, I hope it will never become yours.

Seemingly normal....

Everyday he seemed normal.  He never reached out for help.
Everyday he seemed normal. He never reached out for help. | Source

The Day the Suicide Happened

6:06 p.m. will never look the same on a clock again. That was the day a loved one, best friend, fiance, and an important person killed themselves. Suicide does not affect just the person who was hurting; it permanently changes teh lives that person touched.


I was 20 years old at the time, "S" was a fresh 26 years of age. He had an entire life ahead of him. It was November 7th, 2008 a beautiful Friday. We had a fun weekend planned. I had just driven the almost two hour drive back home from college just to be with him for two precious days before school started over again. I got into tow around 3:00 p.m.; I had made great time. Luckily, or not so luckily, my ankle had been sprained earlier that week, which meant no physical education on a Friday afternoon. We went to Wal-Mart; he made plans to see his friend "J" later that evening. We got home and my mother needed my younger brother to be picked up from the local high school. I kissed "S" and said, "I'll see you in about 30 (minutes)." He said, "Sure, see you in a bit." Those were the last words I would ever hear out of his mouth.

I picked my brother up, went and got dinner and got back to "S"'s house. I ate my macaroni and cheese and baked chicken; but something was not right. The shower was still running.

Discovery of the Body

Something was wrong. There was no way there was still hot water. I began to worry. The taste of dinner stuck in my reflex, I began to bang on the bathroom door. No answer. Slammed the door. No answer. My phone was going off with some High School Musical 3 ringtone. It was my mother calling to make sure my brother made it home, I threw my phone across the room. Panic set in. I first try to take a door off the hinges. I realized i had no idea what I was doing. I took all my body and slammed myself into the door until it was broken; I regret ever going into that bathroom.

The man I knew, loved, and couldn't do a thing without was unresponsive. He was hanging in a small shower. My canvas belt was around his neck and a blue trash bag was fastened over his head. While attempting to hang himself, he had slipped on the open shampoo bottle and bashed his head again the shower nozzle. This apparently knocked him unconscious until he expiated inside of the trash bag. He had a gash across his forehead. I panicked, yet an extreme calm entered my body.

There is Help!

The Eye of the Storm: Calm after finding the Body

I immediately ripped the bag, and lifted the dead weight of a 180 lb man (mind you, I am 5' 1" and could barely reach the top of the shower). I pulled his body down, and his face was purple. His tongue hanging out of his mouth, like something in a horror movie. I tried CPR. Nothing. Call 911, provide his information. Lose my mind, constantly telling myself that the paramedics will save him.. He will be ok. He will recover. he will be okay. He just needed to catch his breath. I told myself anything I needed to until I finally saw the paramedics take him out on a stretcher in a body bag. I knew it was over.


I made the phone calls. His mother, his family in Canada, my family, his friends. Each time, I had to keep strong so that each person could know the story. But each time I lost a piece of my heart, my will, and my sanity.


Suicide was his choice. He chose to end problems permanently, but left a group of people behind to pick up the pieces. Post-traumatic stress disorder is not something to be taken lightly, and it will haunt a person for the rest of their lives. This will happen to the person that find the body. No parent should have to bury their child. No friend should get that call. Just because someone does not seem to care, they do.

Suicide has a great impact on many lives, but directly and indirectly. Don't think that person cared enough about you? How will you even know if they did not that yu are permanently gone? THIS IS REAL! THIS IS LIFE!

Suicide is selfish not selfless. You aren't taking away pain, but you are transferring that pain from you to an entire group of people. People will live with the pain for their entire lives. Smells will remind them of yuo. Places, movies, even sayings will remind them of yu. But you won't be here to truly ever know.

I ran away to Argentina for a semester of college to cope, but others turn to drugs, depression or even suicide themselves. You never know when you will run out of time, but don't make that decision. If you don't make the decision for the benefit, make that decision for the life of even one person you truly loved. Would you want them to live with pain, guilt, gut wrenching feelings,, and loneliness for the res of their lives? There is always help, in one form or another. Let yourself lean on someone, because in the end there is always someone, even if yuo know them or it is an anonymous phone call to a suicide prevention hot line. There is always someone there to listen.

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    • Ashley DeCleene profile image
      Author

      Ashley DeCleene 2 years ago from Lexington, South Carolina

      People should take action. But people should take responsibility for their actions. While I sympathize with people who are suicidal, the fact that you are still here shows in some way or form you thought rationally or cried out for help loud enough. I cannot put myself in each persons shoes. I can only put myself in the shoes of a person who has had to learn to cope with another's actions. But like with any other disease there is help and rationality to be found, if you can't do it, then there is someone there to do it for you.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      "Suicide is selfish not selfless" this may be true however "life is a (personal) journey". No one can actually be in the shoes of another person or feel their depth of pain. Most people who take their life do not do so casually. I know the natural reaction is to be angry at the person for (taking their own life) which in some way is in some way of being selfish on our part.

      After all if we're angry at them it means we are belittling the pain they must have felt in order to reach such a drastic decision.

      Whether someone has PTS , severely depressed, or are terminally ill ultimately their life is to do as they see fit. You can't live for another person. Naturally if friends and family are aware of the issue they should reach out and to all they can to help them get through a rough period.

      However if someone reaches a point where (they) simply just can't take it anymore all we can to do is accept their decision. I've known people to call them "cowards", "weak", "losers" and "selfish" is also very common.

      Just because someone doesn't live up to our expectations or does not make the choices we believe we would under the same circumstances does not mean they should be vilified in anyway. It was (their) life to live or not live.

    • Michaela Osiecki profile image

      Michaela 2 years ago from USA

      As someone who has been suicidal in the past, I want to add a bit of perspective from the other side here. When someone is contemplating killing themselves (no matter what the reason - financial problems, mental illness, etc) they are not thinking rationally. They are not capable of rational thought, the urge to to just do it is so strong it can't be ignored. We can't stop and consider the pain it could cause other people, we are convinced, absolutely convinced, that either the world is better off without us or we are better without it. You can't reason with that mindset and that's the scariest part about it.

      So I strongly urge anyone who suspects a loved one might be considering suicide to take action and do something! Because we can't help ourselves in that state of mind.

    • Ashley DeCleene profile image
      Author

      Ashley DeCleene 2 years ago from Lexington, South Carolina

      Being there for the family is the biggest blessing anyone can get. I had a college community who backed me in ways I never thought people would come together. It's very cliche but time helps. If you are ever at a loss of words I am always available to help from a real world perspective. I just want recognition brought to those who lose someone. It's a hard task to forever live with. They are never alone. I'll be writing more blogs on coping, at least how I did. It might help. But being there is the best thing anyone can do in these situations. I'm so sorry for their loss. Time will bring reflection and acceptance. They will always live with it, but things will become manageable then ok. My deepest sympathies.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      My niece recently committed suicide. Her mother found her. I will do everything I can to be there for her. No one should have to do this alone.