- Death & Loss of Life
Suicide:: Suicide Attempts:: Suicide Prevention
Have you ever wanted to die?
I have. I've had times in my life when I wanted to disappear, die or just have never been born. I've had lots of them. Sometimes you just wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.
A psychiatrist might say the above episodes are isolated incidents, that as long as you were able to "keep from acting on the impulse" or "were no danger to yourself or anyone else" then you are okay. For some of us, those thoughts come daily. Sometimes there are even voices in our heads egging us on, telling us that no one will miss us, no one cares...
Many of us would never even admit having such thoughts, and yet we all do. If anyone is reading this who has never had these thoughts, please correct me.
Since we have all had these thoughts, we all tend to question our own thoughts, and feelings. We may even question our own sanity. Sometimes we decide that it's just too hard to keep fighting the inevitable. I mean, we will all die, eventually anyway, so what is the big deal?
Sometimes the weight of the others around us who claim to love us and need us, is just too great a weight to bear, and we feel as though we are drowning under that weight.
People don't understand
The reason people don't understand suicide and suicidal thoughts or tendencies is because it is one of the taboos. We must not talk about the taboos, because we might make them happen.
Cancer, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Suicide. Lets add child abuse. All the dirty little secrets we were taught to keep by those who were abused, and those who abused us. Maybe that's the problem!
People feel alone and forlorn, they feel lost and empty, the emptiness hurts so much that they cannot even bear to speak of the pain. Huge racking sobs escape, it becomes impossible to swallow, the chest feels as if it's under a crushing weight, and then the words of the on-looker:
"What is wrong with you?"
Make us feel as if we are "wrong" and we can't ever get better, not ever.
They shoot horses don't they? If the horse has a broken leg, they shoot it, put it out of its misery.
This is what we feel.
- We feel broken beyond repair.
- We feel as if we are a burden on the rest of the world.
- We feel that our loved ones will be so much better off without us.
- We feel that even if someone cries about our death, that in the long run, we acted in their best interest.
- We feel like a disease that no one can get rid of.
- Then people treat us like that disease.
- They don't want to talk to us, or look at us...
- We look like cancer, and rape, we are death walking among the living.
- We remind you that you aren't perfect or perfectly happy either.
So, people say stupid things like "You're just trying to get attention" or "We'll take your children away, that will teach you to straighten up!" or "You know you can get arrested for attempting suicide."
You think any of that is true? No one has ever attempted suicide to get attention. The threat of jail, or taking the kids, is just funny, because if we are dead, we can't go to jail, and we won't have any kids!
I mean, seriously, do you think your threats are really going to make us "Snap out of it?" More likely these threats could push us over the edge.
Calling All Angels
Take your love away
You can threaten us, that you're going to take your love away, but that's what we want, you see? Can't you see that much? We believe that our very existence is harmful to those we love! Of course we want you to stop loving us, ASAP, PLEASE! Because if you loved us, really loved us, you would take us into your arms and try to ease our pain, and tell us that you love us, and that you can't live without us... Not hurt us, not threaten us...
You can't imagine how much pain we are in, and when you stand there "tough loving" us it makes us want to vomit!
So, you may ask yourself, what is the answer...
What Dreams May Come: Because I Couldn't Join You
Can you admit your own depression to us?
Can't you admit it, can't you just say that you have been this sad too? Can't you just tell us that we are so important to you, that you would be willing to join us in our own personal hell?
Maybe you don't understand, maybe you don't know how bad it feels, but maybe you have been hurt too, maybe somewhere inside you, you remember the pain...
Can't you tap into that pain, and reach out to us, maybe the thought of losing us is so painful that you could...
Can't you try?
Suicide prevention starts with you. You must first admit to your own shortcomings, your own sorrow, your own inner voices that make you feel incompetant.
If you cannot admit your own pain and fears, then how can you possibly understand ours.
I am not saying it's right to just give up and die, and I'm not saying it's wrong. What I am saying is that suicide is the waste of potential, and the potential each individual has for good is way too precious to waste.
You can tell us that we are beautiful and that you love us, but it won't help. You can threaten us, and tough love us, but that won't work. You can tell us to get over it, and take us to hospitals, doctors, give us drugs, and call the police, but that isn't going to fix us.
If you really want to help, you have to admit that you're broken too, and then, together, we can try to come back from the edge of our pain and insanity.
The only way to take the journey back from the edge of the cliff, is if you take our hand and say, "Yeah, sometimes I want to jump too, but I don't, because I love you."
I guess I better clarify, I am not suicidal today. This doesn't mean that I haven't been or that I never will be again, just know that today I am okay. I wrote this because it's the truth. Suicide has touched us all and will continue to touch us all, if we don't get educated about it, and tell our stories, to educate others.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
A Beautiful Hub Of Hope, By Pearldiver, Pleading with any who feel this pain to take heart, give it time, all pain must surely heal, given time. I know his words are true, as in my time the pain did flee from the goodness and love and hope that surrounds us all.
Gay, Thinking of Suicide: Read This First is a survivor's story, from the inside. It was written by my beloved friend here at Hub Pages, Revive@OwnRisk. I've known him for most of my time here at HP and he is probably the most understanding man you could ever want to meet. If you needed someone you could trust, you could trust this man. Unfortunately it appears that he has left HP. I looked for him elsewhere and will continue to do so, if anyone knows where he has taken his writing to, please let me know.
In the absence of my beloved friend, I have found a wonderful site that can help you. Thinking of Suicide-Read Me First is a site filled with good advice and helpful links. If I have been unable to persuade you to stay alive then perhaps this site will help. You are not alone.
Gay Bullying and Gay Teen Suicide is another excellent Hub on the subject. Please read this if you are the victim of bullying.
Dawn was kidnapped and sold as a young child, she has faced many things that you and I could never imagine. She is a good friend here at HP, you may know her as Rescueachild.