ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Death & Loss of Life

Surviving without Guilt and feeling left behind trying to heal the wounds of grief after suicide

Updated on May 27, 2013

Dealing with Suicide

Surviving Grief

Surviving grief requires time. Healing slowly begins over time.

A friend tragically lost her husband to suicide. So how does she learn to live life as a widow and survive alone?

Take that a step further, how can she learn to survive without guilt?

Surviving life is tough enough. When someone commits suicide, a lot of guilt is placed on those left behind.

Surviving without guilt takes courage, support, wisdom and love.

Leave everything on the table.

Do whatever is required to let go of the guilt.

Find support, talk to professional counselors.

The Heavy load of Guilt

Anger is one of the 5 stages of grief.

Processing the pain over the loss of someone you love opens doors of self-doubt. Asking ourselves over and over again, could I have done something? Did I ignore the signs?

We beat ourselves up over what we did or didn't do.

Then in walks the heavy load of guilt.

We blame ourselves for actions that took place. Somehow we believe we are responsible for the action, when in fact, we are not responsible. Anything we did or didn't do is not the reason they chose to end their life.

The first several weeks are the most difficult. We relive every conversation we had. Did we say something wrong? Did we give them a reason to lose hope? Maybe we were aware of their suffering and didn't realize how bad they felt.

We question everything.

Everyone has a choice but we are not accountable for them. We are only responsible for our own actions, our thoughts, our lives.

We cannot blame ourselves for what someone chooses to do. Maybe we did something that caused them hurt. Maybe we said something that made them feel unloved. Whether we said or did something is irrelevant.

Ultimately they chose the path of destruction, we did not.

Recovering from grief is a process.

The Pain is Heavy

In the Wake of Storms

Guilt Left Behind in Grief

It's a silent grief.

No one wants to talk about it. Maybe they are ashamed or maybe they feel lost. People don't know what to say. Depending how close they were to the person who committed suicide, each person feels some sort of guilt.

When friends and family don't know what to say, they sometimes pull back. They may be at a loss for words and don't know how to respond.

The survivor can simply explain that all they need is a friend.

The pain is heavy. The load of guilt carries a lot of weight. Compile that with the pain of grief and the hurt is tremendous. The loss, the emptiness takes its toll.

With questions unanswered, the silent grief bites the heart. Guilt climbs up and chokes the inside.

This is not the time to tell someone to get over it. Or say, you did the best you could.

Consuming grief is overwhelming. Suicide grief is relentless.

There is no responsibility or control when it comes to suicide.
Find support. Seek good council. Talk to family, friends and others who are going through the same thing. God designed the family to support one another.

Join a Grief Support Group. Many local churches provide this type of support. Sharing your pain and loss with others strengthens your healing.

Suicide is a disease of the mind. It doesn't make sense. Depression is dark and a serious condition. It should not be taken lightly.

In the wake of all that is loss, the future looks bleak. However survivors of grief can find support. When everyone goes home, and the survivors are left all alone to fight the demons, where will they find true healing?

The true source of healing can be found in Jesus. When you are on your knees, look up to the Heavenly Father, He will be your Great Comforter.

Depend on God. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

God gave His son to die for you. He chose the nails to bear. His heart weeps with you.

Find healing in His word. Call upon Him to lift you out of the darkness.

  • Pray for your loved one.
  • Pray for your family.
  • Pray for your healing.
  • Pray for your sadness.
  • Pray for His love to wrap around you.

He already knows everything you are feeling.

  • God listens!
  • God hears!
  • God answers the calls of the afflicted.

He is ready to be your Savior. All you have to do is ask.

The Lord help you to bow your spirit in submission to the divine will ere you fall asleep this night, that waking with tomorrow's sun, you may go forth to the day's cross with the holy and submissive spirit which becomes a follower of the Crucified. – Charles Spurgeon


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • FaithDream profile image

      FaithDream 7 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Thank you Minstrel. I've had my share of guilt related stress over the loss of friends. I know this is not easy, but we tend to blame ourselves. It's a fight we cannot win, only heal from. I appreciate your commenting, thanks for your encouragement.

    • The Minstrel profile image

      The Minstrel 7 years ago from Hawaii

      This was a very informative and well thought out article. Many, including myself, have benefited from this hub. Keep up the good work FaithDream. Awesome stuff.

    • FaithDream profile image

      FaithDream 7 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Thank you Fossillady. I really don't know what to say, so I wrote this article out of a sense of purpose.

      Thank you FriendofTruth. You are right on. Sometimes all we can do is pray for those left behind. God heals all wounds and maybe they will be led to Him.

      The world we live in is filled with such despair, as disciples of Christ we have the responsibility to preach the Good News. There is hope. My prayer is that someone will be led to Christ because I wrote this. God Bless You both.

    • FriendofTruth profile image

      FriendofTruth 7 years ago from Michigan

      Sadly, I have a friend whose husband committed suicide. And because of it, she has had such a hard time with her life. She has nightmares, struggles with fear, struggles with the questions and guilt she thinks she has played in the event. It's very difficult when you try to give her comfort because she has so many unanswered questions. She is not Christian, so that makes it more difficult in trying to counsel her. Also, he seemed to have been the 'glue' that tied their family together so it's been hard on their children as well (they are all grown).

      Sometimes, all we can do is pray for those who have been hurt, and trust that the LORD will lead us in what to say to them and in how to minister to them.

    • Fossillady profile image

      Kathi 7 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

      Wow! What a thoughtful and informative hub. You are helping a poor soul riddled with guilt and pain with nowhere to turn. There is help out there and you covered it nicely.

    • FaithDream profile image

      FaithDream 7 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Katiem, thanks for sharing your story and lifting up in prayer. The pain associated with this grief is too heavy a burden. The family needs these prayers. God Bless.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      A single parent to one of my daughters friends just admitted to me that her husband died from suicide. We never questioned why he had passed as it was such a touchy subject, we only knew she was left a widow with two kids.

      She came to me one day and said, I wan't to tell you something because I know you well enough to know you won't pass judgement. She went on to tell me how it happened, how he went to the downstairs bathroom and did it while everyone slept. She has carried the quilt of not waking and saving him. I felt so bad for her and assured her he made certain she could not and if she had woke it would have been to late. He severed his carotid artery.

      My prayers are with your friend as we will never understand the shock and horror she now deals with. We can however pray that it be lifted and cast out to the sea of forgetfulness, the guilt that is!

      Peace, Katie


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)