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THE DAY MY SOUL CRIED ...

Updated on January 4, 2008

The Piercing Of My Soul

It's March 2007, I'm due to have my baby anytime. It's a boy; modern technology never ceases to amaze me. From the ultrasound and other prenatal tests we know it's a boy. Nine long months, and now it's time for him to meet the world. I picked his name three months ago; his room has been finished for five weeks. Everything is ready.

I can feel him tossing and turning restlessly. He is ready too. Once, it even felt like he was walking around in there looking for the door. I would calm him down by rubbing my tummy and singing to him. I'd even say things like, "don't worry little one, the door is about to open".

When that wonderful, breathtaking, relieving day came, March 29, 2007, my doctor and two nurses was working feverishly to help make his delivery as smooth as possible. Everyone had done their part, now it was his turn. He found the door. The room was suddenly filled with people. All I could hear was, ..... breathe ..... push .... breathe .... push .. one more time. The next sound I heard was a loud wail coming from my baby. What a wonderful sound. It was loud and strong. "Thank you lord", I quietly whispered.

As I watched them carry my son off to the nursery, with my husband Darryl following closely behind, I drifted off to sleep. The next morning I woke up on top of the world. I slept like a baby, no pun intended. Darryl was sitting next to my bed just starring down at me. I gave him a , glad to see you smile, and he squeezed my hand in acknowledgment.

As I raised my head I could see my mother, my aunt Doris and my sister Ruth standing a little way off in a half circle. I noticed, almost right away, that no one was smiling, and everyone was 'wanting' for words. "Hi", I said, looking from my husband to my mother and the rest of the clan. Something was wrong. Looking closer I could see that Darryl had been crying. What would make a big strong six foot, two hundred and forty pound man cry? Oh no ..... my baby.

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    • profile image

      Wehzo 9 years ago

      Thank you MoralsEthics1960 for your condolences, and gracious comment.

    • MoralsEthics1960 profile image

      MoralsEthics1960 9 years ago from Florida

      I feel for your loss of one so young and precious expected and taken away from you while God gave you perfect slumber.

      God has his moments that amaze me.

      I believe he knew that your sons father was stronger at that point.

      So he gave you time and sleep so you would have the strength to go on and be there for the father.

      I noticed the acknowledgement of him and your concern for him.

      I believe that is why God let you rest.

      I look forward to seeing and hearing the healing in your words as days weeks and years pass by.

    • profile image

      Wehzo 9 years ago

      Thank you djtphn1, I appreciate it, and thank you for visiting.

    • djtphn1 profile image

      djtphn1 9 years ago from Riverside County, California

      Very touching, but I was looking for the ending and then found it in the comments. I am sorry for your loss.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      you are a dear and no apology is necessary..You are a wonderful person to me..

      G-Ma :O)

    • profile image

      Wehzo 9 years ago

      Thank you Mrmarmalade. I will be looking for the other side of that coin. I appreciate all the comments and condolences.

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 9 years ago from Sydney

      That was a great hub. I understand you rolling emotions. Let God comfort you more than we mortals.

      Talking does ease the horror and pain.

      Another day I will ive you another side of the coin.

      Thank you for your story

    • Wehzo profile image
      Author

      Nathaniel Stalling Jr 9 years ago from Detroit, MI

      Thank you again G-Ma Johnson. Sorry for the confusion.

    • Wehzo profile image
      Author

      Nathaniel Stalling Jr 9 years ago from Detroit, MI

      Thank you G-Ma Johnson. Just so you know, I was telling the story from the perspective of the mother, in 1979, we weren't married, but that didn't ease the pain any. I haven't had the courage to write about my pain during that time, until now. I will be posting a hub about a 'Father's Pain' soon. We tend to try to hide, and shield our pain. But I found talking about it has a catharsis like effect.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      when you feel helpless know there is always a light that will shine through...and yes the father;s pain is so much in them and of course not so spoken about,

      Prayer's for you always me dear...G-Ma :O)

    • Wehzo profile image
      Author

      Nathaniel Stalling Jr 9 years ago from Detroit, MI

      Thank you IAunn. I am able to look back and see God's fingerprints, even then. Some day soon I hope to write something about a Father's pain. I believe that is a subject that is really neglected.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Am in tears..and my prayers are for you and your family..especially your husband..as well my dear as you..I just can't imagine that....God has His reason's..which seem very hard to understand and except...but you seem to have the faith for this...you are a wonder to me..And then to be able to share so nicely...each day give it another try..and am sure you do.."A new Day Has Come" words from Celine Deon....Bless you sweetie...G-Ma :O)

    • profile image

      Iðunn 9 years ago

      I think I was so caught up in your wonderful wording about the anticipation, the hope and the joy of the process and they were so real it took me back to my children's births, and I just was so lost in that i didn't read well at the end. 

      My condolences for your loss.  To me it is unimagineable and you must be incredibly strong to have survived with your faith intact. 

    • profile image

      Wehzo 9 years ago

      Yes, my son did die in March of 1979, but this is also about everyone who have experienced trauma in the maternity ward, whether it's a death, or some life threatening illness, or disfigurement. That's why I left the end open. Everyone have their own experiences. Sorry for the confusion, I obviously could have done better scripting it.

    • profile image

      Iðunn 9 years ago

      aw, W, I missed the last line. I'm so sorry. I thought it was crying for joy. Please excuse my lapse in concentration.

    • Kane Bauer profile image

      Kane Bauer 9 years ago from Michigan, U.S.

      That's really sad. Your baby died?

    • profile image

      Iðunn 9 years ago

      this is a magnificent piece about the miracle of birth and babies. I love this one!