5 Tips on Making Your Inner Voice Positive
I have lived my whole life with an inner voice that would judge me, berate me and well, was generally mean to me. I came to find out there is an inner voice is present in everyone. Good to know. I am not alone or abnormal.
I'm not crazy or having auditory hallucinations. Everyone has a critical, judgmental, or self-defeating voice in their head. I call it a self-talk voice in my head, or my inner critic. Growing up I always was subjected to negative messages told me. These messages would always surface front and center into my conscious stream of thoughts. I would attempt to fight my inner voice by ignoring the messages. It never seemed to work. The more I fought the louder the voice in my head became. I took these messages to heart and believed I was just not good enough. I was never able to quiet the voice down. My inner voice was always loud and clear, and I couldn't just turn it off.
Why? Because it struck at my heart by evoking so much emotion in me which after a while they became my truth. I could never tame it. My inner voice controlled how I thought about myself it determined how I acted, what emotions surfaced and how I thought.
What I learned later in life is I didn’t naturally hate myself. The content feeding my inner voice came I believed about myself from the messages that were fed me by my parents, siblings and other people who interact with me.
You're not alone
Your inner voice or your self-talk voice in your head which never seemed to go silent or go away is actually normal. It doesn't go away because believe it or not your inner voice is a direct result of the beliefs embedded in your subconscious mind. Your inner voice for some reason happens to be very negative toward you because your beliefs about yourself are negative. The way it talks to you in your head is the way you believe about yourself. If your beliefs are negative your self-talk is negative. Conversely, if your beliefs are positive then your inner messages are positive.
When negative your inner voice expresses critical, doubtful, hurtful, judgmental, and negative statements.
Is these bad? Yes. On one hand, if your self-talk is negative it causes you constantly to give power to beliefs 24/7. On the other hand, your inner voice is only attempting to protect you in a weird way from doing wrong or getting in trouble.
Your Inner Voice Statements Control Who You Are
Through my years of coaching, I found that my clients really identified with the term “inner voice or self-talk.” In asking them to write down all the statements his or her inner voice said to them, I would generally get a litany of nasty comments which he or she heard in their head. I began to understand that negative self-talk would deplete self-energy, diminishes our self-worth, contributes to hopelessness, cause sadness and cause inability to move forward in a positive direction.
If the inner voice was judgmental or punishing, it would berate self by delivering negative self-messages.
Here are 12 common negative message clients would experience. Can you identify with any of these?
- You don't deserve anything
- You are a loser
- You will never amount to anything
- You’re defective
- You are hopeless and less than others
- You will never have what you want
- You're not worth it
- No one will ever want you
- You do everything wrong
- You will amount to nothing
- No one will ever want you
- You're a bad person and there's no hope for you
The Joe Torre Story
I recently watched a story on Joe Torre. I didn’t know it, but he grew up in an abusive home with an abusive father who criticized him endlessly. Even with his dark past, he worked hard in sports and achieved many awards. He attained MVP as a player 8 times. 9 times he was an all-star player, and he received one MVP batting title. Joe went on to become one of the best coaches in the history of baseball winning 2,326 games. He also coached 4 of his teams to World Series wins as a coach. He stated that the most important aspect of coaching was to make sure his players respected him and themselves.
What was learned?
The lesson from Joe Torre's story is that even with elements of criticism which formed growing up, there is the incredible inner power which can triumph over adversity and move toward a position of a health and success. You do not have to live with the negative messages from your inner voice. Change can happen. You can construct new beliefs that will change your thinking. If you believe in yourself and practice them, and most of all, connect each belief with a strong emotion, your beliefs in time will become your truths. Then it is up to you to live them. Make these new beliefs your own.
Cultivate a Positive and Productive Inner Voice
In other words, if you consciously change your beliefs then your thoughts will change. You can do this by recognizing the content of your inner beliefs. Then denounce your old messages and the meaning they expressed. Therefore, changing your beliefs to positive and productive will result in a positive change in the way you think, feel and act.
Here are some examples positive and productive beliefs
You can find a solution and accomplish what you want
You have is hope
You can do anything
You have hope
You are a winner
You are worthy and good enough
5 Tips on Making Your Inner Voice Positive
1. Stop ignoring your inner voice
Get to know your inner voice. Become familiar with your inner voice's tone and intentions. Ignoring it doesn’t reduce its influence or make it go away. Ignoring or submitting to your inner voice only increases its influence and power over how you act, feel, and think. If ignored and left alone your inner voice will default to negative and will mirror your negative core beliefs buried in your subconscious mind.
Use your observer self. Listen to what your inner voice says. Listen as though you are another person, like from a third party perspective as if you are hearing it on the radio. Write each statement down. Recognize whether each statement is an old message which is no longer true or an outright lie. Also whether it is a self-massage or an unhealthy message that was said to you at some point in your life by other people.
The most impactful unhealthy messages tend to come from your closest family and friends to whom you were emotionally attached. The greater the emotional attachment the stronger the unhealthy message becomes. Determine whether some of those negative unhealthy messages were meant to hurt you, or were they trying to ensure your emotional and physical safety or possibly to make you a “stronger person.” Know your mind does not have or express feelings, it just records the words, forms beliefs about you, and repeats them back as they were written.
Let your mind help you validate whether the content of your inner voice is true or false. Next to each statement note who in your life said it and the situation or event which it occurred. The more you understand about each message, the less power and influence the unhealthy content has on you. Discover proof of why each message is wrong and unfounded. Once you find the real truth of each inner voice message you will help you crack its content and dissipate its power and influence if not your truth.
2. Correct each critical statement your hear in your head into positive
Once you have completed #1, take another piece of paper and make a corresponding list of healthy messages that you want to counteract each negative, untrue and unhealthy message. This new list is intended to increase your confidence, self-esteem, and value in yourself by changing the content of the messages your inner voice utters.
It can be as simple as creating a new content of your messages from “You deserve nothing,” to “You deserve to be worthy,” or from "you don't deserve love" to “You deserve to love who you are.” Once you have created these new statements, repeat and practice the new healthy messages to yourself ten times a day for 90 days. Also, make a promise to yourself that you will do read your new messages every day, and set up a schedule to do so daily.
The trick to success is to embed these new positive statements by repeating them with emotion. If you repeat them without emotion, the statements will not embed themselves.
Once you develop your new positive statements and begin repeating your new list daily, you need to give it life. You give them life by believing in them and manifesting their content into your life.
3. Do not falter on consistency
Be mindful of your deep obligation for your plan of action to change. Follow through daily by repeating your new list of healthy, positive and productive messages consistently for 90 days.
Next, you should accept and change your mindset.Your new mindset should be positive. Remember that you are in charge of yourself. No one else. You are in command of what you believe about yourself, how you think about yourself, how you feel about yourself, and what you're capable of.
Best results can be achieved by keeping track of how many times you repeat your new list on each day. Track yourself by keeping a journal of your progress. That way you will be able to see you are following through on your commitment. You will notice the changes which are occurring. Write how you feel, what you think, and how you behave differently day after day for 90 days. Keeping track of what you do daily will help you to recognize that what you are doing is working. You will be able to see when you fall off in your commitment. When you have mindfulness about what is happening every day, it will increase your motivation, focus and what you need to change. Most important is consistency keeps you stay on track.
4. Surround yourself with people who think positive, are healthy, supportive you, and make you feel comfortable
Be around people who see and experience you in a positive light. Seek out people who will support your positive efforts, mindfulness and have the same vision of you that you now manifest. Let people who care about you reflect the real you back to you. Start hanging out with people who could use support and need your positive reflection back on them. Practice the balance of receiving and giving positive content to each other. Give yourself permission to live in a positive light.
5. Earn respect from yourself by expressing your personal authority and power
Understand that your inner voice has been attempting to protect you, but the content from your old core beliefs was feeding your inner voice a steady diet of critical, doubtful and negative content from past experiences. It is your personal authority … don’t let your old inner voice influence who you are now or the content of your thoughts.
Earn respect from your mind by forming your own beliefs and thoughts about yourself. You have that power. Once you decide this, the rest is pretty much practice, practice, more practice, and patience.
If you follow the suggestions above, the content of your inner voice will change and be more positive and productive. You can turn your inner voice into an inner sponsor. You can also gain mental peace, calmness, and support resulting in a more healthy and fulfilled you. Believe the brave new vision you created for yourself and practice will manifest in your life.
Inner Voice Messages
Is your inner voice's messages healthy or unhealthy?
© 2015 Bill Tollefson