- Mental Health»
MMT : How to do "tapper down" in your maintenance of Methadone? Be safe, and read what and how to do!
Have You ever been in situation that You know, or predict, what's gonna happen if something cause it? Have you ever been into situation when life is out your control, and life has been taken by others by the meaning of controlling it? Yes. You probably know what I am talking about. Getting of from methadone. Getting of and saying:"Goodbye" , to something that you could lean on whenever you needed him. Just like a stick that we are are leaning on - that is methadone to us. Now, someone is thinking about to get on to feet and walk "without a stick", and someone "needs a stick to the rest of his life". Methadone, to me, after all these time being on it did incredible job, but in same time - it came to an environment, like my family is, where they all are antagonistic thinking about it. Methadone, as a medication, has never been accepted by my family. The maintenance has never been accepted as something that can/could help me. The word "therapy", is "free taking drugs" - for those who supposed to be there and support me - especially in these kind of moment.Mostly forced by the closest, who "only wish best", are now my closest environment that are literally pushing me to quit methadone, and already started to tapper of because ... I have no right to dose and take my medicines "while I'm under their roof". Now...
Once...I was happy.
I have been on detoxification, more than four times. I've been two times at home, officially on a private doctors issue, and than two more on issue of Regional Clinic Center - "Team for drug addiction" , and hospitalized 2 times in same institution - "Regional Clinic Center "Vojvodina" section "Social Psychiatry". Every single time, they were trying the detox, already "a pattern" applied to everyone who has been and seen, or get trough all that, the pattern of detox using tramadol and benzodiazepines . After all this, I've been put on Naloxone pills 50mg. No offense to anyone, buy monkeys would conclude that after numerous FAILED detoxes and naltrexone-based therapies - that M.M.T (Methadone Maintenance Treatment) is must. The chief of clinic, prof.dr.prim.Nikola Vuckovic - literally forced by me , agreed to sit and talk with me about methadone - starting in my 20th year. I was the youngest, in whole state, that methadone was given to. After short chat with prof.dr.prim. Vuckovic - the chief, he asked me: "Why the hell did they wait until you almost die, and then again to put me on opiate-antagonist based treatment??!". NOW THE KEY MOMENT ... After just a week, I came on Thursday with my mom, when "Team for narcotic addiction" do the meetings with addicts that are seeking for help. (They either get home-detox, or 3 boxes of Tramadol to wait 2 weeks for intro-hospital detox (again with tramadol scheme) or getting into Methadone treatment). I was first pronounced to get in, maybe it was my mistake to get into my mom, but they've said that what I am aiming for "buprenorphine maintenance" is NOT an option (it was already registered, and everything...on question why, I've got no answer) , and they gave me a paper where I am entering into Methadone treatment. I was happy - to be honest. With starting dose of 20mg, and being clear until starting dose for 2months, they had every propositions for successful therapy to get me off. And, until day today's - it/they did the job. BUT, THE CRUCIAL MOMENT WAS WHEN MY MOM, WITH TEARS IN HER EYES, WAS SITTING IN THE CHAIR BESIDE ME, AND THE HEAD OF "TEAM" SAID: "Miss, with this step, we are literally cutting one of his legs." CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??!?!
With obvious antagonistic thinking about opiate substitute based treatments/therapies, they as highly respected pro's , told something like that to obviously emotionally distressed woman who will be my actual supervisor in therapy, and my closest person that I should trust ...lean on.. tell everything... believe in me, believe in her... With that sentence, plus my mom has an high level of respect to that doctor (it's female), plus with previous stigma that caught her as many others with myths about treatment and etc... I was doomed. The treatment, started with above sentence... instead of encouraging words and procedure that is, at least, an "unwritten rule". No - there was nothing like that from "professional" side.
Starting with 20mg dosage, rising by 10, then 10, then 10, then 10, then 20 , then 10 every second MONTH - I've got to the dosage after more than a year that I can rely on, where I feel finally good. Meanwhile, I've got a job, I was seeking for it, I still seek it (because of NCR Corp. discrimination...to M.M.T patients) ... And now, just 1 month after MY FIRST "GOOD SPECIALIST RESULT" where it says that patient is feeling good, no abstinence symptoms, etc... My closest, want to lower the (finally) right dosage , and get me (i think that the real propose of all this agony) to get me off methadone as soon as possible.
Even, if I told my dad that I can not go out, without methadone, being sure in me that I won't take anything... It is bit coward like words, but being in a skin of a chronic mental sick patient ... I don't think so. But still, I cry every night ... I have no support from anybody, except my girlfriend, I have nobody that supports me. I just have a family that I can not eat with them on same table... And father and mother that call me with names like: " I am ashamed of you..." , "When I see you, i see the ruin..." ,"You are disgrace of this family" ...etc...
Now, I am asking You!
Now, when You all know the most realistic situation, from beginning to its very own end, I am asking You to tell me : WHAT TO DO ?
- All medications are at my mom
- She is dosing me methadone
- She is already started tapping of ...
- If I want to take everything "in my hands" , she sais : "You have 22 almost, there's a street, than You can dose Yourself as much as You want to.. "
- I have finished ITAcademy / Network Administration Dept. for "Certificated System Admininistrator"
- She is professor in Comprehensive school.
- Dad is unemployeed for more than 20 years.
- There is a six of us in house, mom(1960') - dad(1964) - brother + girlfriend (86' and 88 ' - 6 years of living together in this house) - sister ( 97' ) ....
- I have nowhere to go...