Tastes of Destruction or My Obsession with Food
This is the struggle I have dealt with my whole life. I have to eat to live. But, I have perverted that to live to eat. My thoughts are consumed with food. I love the taste and I love the smell. At times, my obsession with food has caused me to hate myself and then I eat more to stuff away those feelings. That makes me feel bad again so I eat more. This is such a vicious cycle. And just like the pictures below indicate, I have not always eaten what my body needs. That is what has made me fat. This type of destructive behavior has caused so much pain for me, physical and emotional.
There is a bright side to this story. I know many people struggle with this same food obsession. That is why I decided to publish this. I have been on a journey to get well for the last nine months.
My body was turning against me. I was in such severe physical pain I could not enjoy my life. The emotional pain often left me immobolized. Anyone else who has abused food knows very well what I am talking about.
I have decided I am worth not feeding my body garbage. I am worth physical activity. I and my body deserve to be happy.
At first, this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. When I stopped consuming all this junk food and started eating the food that would make my body happy, it felt like I was losing a best friend. Any addict can tell you that is how it feels when you stop participating in your addiction. But, think a minute.
Your addiciton makes you feel great while you are participating but then you start to hate yourself for doing it in the first place. This leads to needing more to dull the pain. You hate yourself even more and consume more and more. This is a best friend you can live without.
I started slow by cutting down on the amount of sodas I drink by replacing sodas with water or unsweet green tea. I have tried lots of different fruits and vegetables and ways of preparing them. My couch does not know who I am anymore. We do not spend much together time lately.
I reached out to those close to me for encouragement and support. I talk to a friend when I am overwhelmed. I clean house when I want to eat or I go visit a neighbor or call a family member. When the cravings hit, I try to distract myself. When my sweet teeth want to be fed, I eat raisins. When I am craving something crunchy, I eat a handful of roasted peanuts. When I feel down and want comforted by a bowl of ice cream, I go for a walk. My body appreciates the movement way more than it would the ice cream.
I have lost about sixty pounds. My blood pressure is not so crazy out of control anymore. My knees and feet and back do not hurt nearly so much. I still have some more weight to lose. This is a journey. I do not always make the right choices but I make the right choices more than I used to. I am worth making the right choices. You are too.
You hold my wellness and my destruction in your power.
I cannot find somewhere in the middle with you.
I have to have you. I cannot live without you.
I think you are my friend.
You have beaten me my whole life.
You make me want you more and more
But, then when I have you
You shame me.
You use your power and strength to keep me subservient to you.
I need you. You make me want you .
You make me feel loved just enough to keep chasing after you.
A delightful taste turns into self hatred and loathing and I cannot believe how weak I am.
Then you taunt me again. I want you all over.
I give you supremacy in my life.
You do not deserve that much space in my heart.
I will die without you.
I cannot get enough of you.
I love you and then I hate you
for how you make me hate me.
Your smell and colors tantalize me.
I am mesmerized by how you feel.
When I have you, at first, I am well.
I need no other.
You beat me down
Knowing against you I will not win.
I will always come for you again and again.
other weight loss related hubs by lcbenefield
- My Body Hates Me and What I am Doing to Make Amends
I have abused and neglected my body for years. It is staging a war and I am trying to make amends.
- Getting Paid to Lose Weight
This is how I have lost those persistent 20 or so pounds.