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Tell me you want - What you really, really want!

Updated on September 3, 2012

Ask someone what they really want and 9 times out of 10, you’re going to hear things like; better job, a loving relationship, a new house or car, a great figure, good health, lots of money. All of these things hold a big promise: If we could only get these things, then our lives would be really great.

If you are someone that has been lucky enough or determined enough to get some of these things, then I have to ask – did it make your life really great? If it did, I want to hear from you because that was a trick question. No, these things can’t make our lives great. They can offer us a good deal of pleasure and satisfaction, both of which are nice but temporary, and they may even offer us a little bit of pride, vindication, relief, or opportunity for gloating, all temporary, and mostly not that good for our soul. I swear, if we spent half the time working on understanding what we really wanted instead of persistently grasping for things that won’t really satisfy us in the long run, we’d have some happy folks out there.

When we attach our happiness or life fulfillment with anything outside of us, then the results will always be temporary and unsatisfying. We manifest our attachment to things, people, places, and experiences for fulfillment in many ways, such as grasping, controlling, hoarding, longing, lusting, envying, manipulating, or worse. Most of this is totally unconscious to us and is built into the fiber of our every day thinking and behaving. When we finally get that “something” we thought would work, then after awhile we need something else. It’s a never ending cycle of frustrating dissatisfaction with life.

A few out there are saying, “I’m on to that spiritual lesson – of course I know that money or a new car can’t make you happy.” But then we continue to long for a better relationship, better cooking skills, more time with our kids, or that we had advanced skills for our job. Until we can come from a place of wholeness instead of lack in our lives, there will always be holes to fill. Many of us have “accepted” mediocrity and lack as inevitable and have just given up on “amazing”. We can see these externalizing tendencies with even the tiniest of things in life, which should be bright red flags to our deeper longings and persistence unease.


It takes a great deal of courage to look at your life from a perspective that you may be short changing your full living experience for some cheap magic tricks of control, manipulation or grasping. The results of obtaining things this way are always just momentarily satisfying. But if we could allow ourselves a moment to really consider what we really want, REALLY want – then we can begin to develop some actions and behaviors that would support these wants. Every time we open our self up to our authentic higher self and begin experiencing the awesomeness of life that is already available to us, then we open the door to even more understanding and even better experiences. Identifying these self destructive behaviors within ourselves takes some gritty truth telling as well as treating ourselves with loving patience and compassion. Try this powerful process to assist you on getting clear about what you really want and to begin to realize these wants in your life.

  • · To get clear on what you really want in your life, make a list of 5 to 10 things you definitely DO NOT want in your life. I would expect to see things like anger, conflict, misfortune, loneliness, etc. Then, next to the things you don’t want, write down the opposite emotion or feeling. Here is why this is helpful. People WILL say they want things that are material or grasping if they are just asked what they want, but it is rare that they will list material items in a list of things they DON’T want. Most people realize they don’t want any type of suffering in their life as their main “don’t wants”, so beginning with what you don’t want opens up our authentic and intuitive self to begin this process. If you are saying things like I DON’T want a pick-up truck but I DO want a sedan, then you are missing the spirit of this exercise. Some examples of how this might look are; the opposite of anger is love, and the opposite of conflict is harmony, the opposite of misfortune is blessed, and the opposite of loneliness is connected, included.
  • · Using your list of opposites, pick out your top 3 wants and put each want on the top of a separate sheet of paper. Preferably this will be 3 separate pages in a journal as you may want to use your journal during this time to jot down some of your musings. Changing habits and behaviors stirs up a lot of thinking and a journal is a great tool for processing these new thoughts. On each page that has one of your wants on it, list 5 things in your life today, that at this very moment, fulfills this want. For instance, my first want is harmony. I might list things like; I really get along with my neighbor, I enjoy petting my dog while I’m watching TV, I love the peaceful and harmonious way I decorated my room, and so on. Now on that same sheet of paper, list 3 actions you can take that will add more of what you want into your life. Like, I will get out and enjoy nature with a walk or jog at least once a week, I will listen to peaceful music on the way to work, I will turn off the news at night and read. Do your 3 new action items for 2 weeks, then next week add 3 more, and so on. Some of items on your list might be really tough, but you CAN and WILL find both 5 things in your life right now that represents your want and 3 things that you can do right away to expand your want. You deserve to give yourself the time and energy to try this exercise. I promise it will not be a waste of time.
  • · Now that you have identified your wants and put some planning into how you can actualize these into your life, begin to keep your eye out for regressive behaviors that you exhibit that go back to trying to prevent what you don’t want by using externalizing methods, such as grasping, pining, controlling. If you want harmony for instance, be alert to your behaviors and feelings that may be combative, stubborn, or pushy. These old behaviors may have been your way to try and control the situation to force a harmonious outcome in the past. Treat you awareness of these old behaviors with loving compassion towards yourself and be extremely grateful you are now awake enough to be alert to them. The more you begin to notice them and move on non-judgmentally, the more you will also begin to notice they are dropping away from you.

Initiating changes in our life can open doors to new enriching experiences that will result in authentic satisfaction. You may see that you begin to see many things in a new perspective. You may have a desire to expand your life even more by adding new practices into your daily routine to continue to get in touch with your higher self, such as meditation, expanding your creative passions, or volunteering to help others. There is no doubt that making changes like this can be challenging, but help yourself out by developing your own tools and reminders to help you through challenging times. Put them on your list! Whatever you do, don’t give up. Life is not a dress rehearsal. It is important that we live it fully and feel good about ourselves and others. There is so much available for us to do that, no matter what your circumstances.

So NOW tell me what you want, and KNOW how you’re going to get it.

Nice to meet you!

Joleen Halloran is the author ofFinding Home - Breaking Free from Limits under the pseudo name of Joleen Bridges. This book represents over 10 years of research and inspiration in personal and spiritual empowerment and provides readers with a pathway to overcome limits and discover authentic divine qualities in their lives and to live a life of unbounded freedom. .

Additionally Joleen is the owner of ZoomIT Marketing, a social media and internet marketing coaching and training company. Joleen's business background includes extensive experience in project management, leadership, specializing in motivational techniques and corporate culture.

Beyond Joleen's professional life, she is an avid reader and researcher of books and other materials related to her profession, but also to her special passion, which is metaphysical and spirituality topics. You can find out more about Joleen's book at her books website,www.breakingfreefromlimits.com. Additional articles of a spiritual and inspirational nature can be found at the book's website as well. The book is available for purchase at Amazon and at a discounted price directly from the books website.

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