Ten Steps Forward, Nine and a Half Steps Back
Why is everything SO hard?!
Feeling kinda helpless - like I'm not REALLY able or in control of my life. No - I'm not talking the whiny, esoteric, pseudo-existential George Kastanza moment.
Like I really don't know how to have a significant impact on solving my problems - in real time - without saying or doing something on the "uh oh" side of shocking. Like - a person who yanks a kid out of the path of a truck - HEROICALLY good impact. Someone who shoots up a school or workplace - horrifically negative impact.
Almost the feeling of wanting someone to come to your rescue - but knowing that the means necessary - via word OR deed - to *possibly* evoke that response are intense, extreme, short-lived, and ultimately self-defeating!
Like being mute, on some busy city street, and having a heart attack. The harder you try to get somebody's attention, the more they're gonna run like hell, or do the "don't make eye-contact, DON'T make eye contact" "body fib" as they pretend to "see nuthin'".
No - this isn't coming out of thin air. Just juggling too many freakin' balls and not having the time or the guts or the "common sense" to know how to pick up the ones I've dropped while keeping the others in the air.
All this and the clock is ticking!