- Death & Loss of Life
The Art of Letting Go: Part 2
Letting go doesn't always mean goodbye. It sometimes mean "I will love you forever".
- The Art of Letting Go: Part 1
The hardest thing to do is to let go of someone you love. It's not because you want to but because you have to.
Part 5: Acceptance
Couple of years passed again and I have a change of heart. I am slowly accepting the fact that she already died and was in heaven with grandpa.
All those years that I cannot find her here on Earth, I was trying to accept the fact that I won’t be able to see her again. Time slowly healed the wounds in my heart but it will cannot erase the scars left by my past.
I know that I accepted the fact that she’s gone because in my dreams I know now that she was at peace. I would visit her from time to time and asked how’s heaven and if Jesus did take good care of her because I pray for it every day.
Part 6: Letting Go
Sometimes when I’m alone, I think of her. I think of her too much that she would come visit me in my dreams to console and to be with me saying she wouldn't leave. The last time was when I met her in a beautiful and very wide garden.
I was so happy to see her and after a short chat, she bade farewell again.
“It’s time for me to go,” she said.
“Where are you going Grandma?” I asked.
“Heaven,” she answered.
“Can I come with you please?” I pleaded. I know that since I was little kid it would make her say yes.
“No you can’t,” she said with a sad smile on her face. “Heaven’s a long way from here. And besides, your mother and sister would come looking for you.”
“I want to come with you please!” tears fall from my eyes.
“Okay, don’t cry anymore. But inform your mother first so she’ll not be worried when you’re gone,” she suggested.
“But...” my voice trailed off. “Will you be waiting here for me? I will just say a quick goodbye.”
“Yes, I will,” she said again. “Now go.”
I hurriedly run from the lovely garden and too late to realized that she just wanted me to leave so she could go alone to heaven. I came back running at a speed; I don’t want to say goodbye anymore, all I wanted was to come with here at that moment.
But she’s already too far to reach. I saw her float through the air up to the clouds where I think Grandpa was waiting at the top.
“Grandma!!!! Wait!!!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. I ran and ran while crying and regretting that I left her alone to say goodbye to my mother.
I fell down while running and I looked up to her. “Grandma... don’t leave me alone...” My voice was already an echo.
I saw her floating farther and farther away from me, Grandpa reaches out his hand up on the clouds. She looked at me and wave.
I cried endlessly in the midst of that beautiful garden alone and wishing I did not leave at the first place.
Part 7: I Love You, Goodbye
The time slowly ticked by and realized that I have to let her go. She’s with Grandpa now and he will take good care of her on the other side of life. I also realized that all those times the reason why I can’t leave her was because I thought she will be alone on her journey.
I feared that no one will be there for her. But as I saw Grandpa reaches out his hand for her, I know that she will be safe in heaven.
Even if it hurts to let her go, I have to. I have to move on with my life but a part of it will always be with her no matter what.
Maybe God stopped me from going to her home early that afternoon she died so I wouldn't have to watch her leave the world.
I still can’t forgive myself on that wrong turn I've done in my life that changed my future. It’s hard to move on when you know that you love that person so much and you just take advantage of time when they’re still around and can hug you.
Now that she’s gone, I feel mostly alone and just wanted to cry my heart out especially when I have problems.
I missed her terribly but knowing I can see her in my dreams, make it a lot better. I can’t change the past and our family’s history but maybe I can still change my future.
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