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The Diva Cup - Entering the Dark Side (Up to my Elbows)

Updated on October 10, 2018

Green Cycle?

A little about myself: I am trying to reduce my carbon footprint, "go green", help the environment, save the whales. I really do think we, as individuals, can make a difference. One thing at a time. Baby steps.

I currently breastfeed (no packaging, no shipping, no heating, no nothing, just whip it out and BOOM! - Baby's got dinner!), cloth diaper, recycle, compost, etc. So I figured the next logical step would be to "green my cycle"... my monthly cycle, Aunt Flo if you will. I didn't even know there was a such a thing. Reusable feminine hygiene products?! Say what?! Well, after a little research, I decided to take the plunge, literally. So here is my honest experience with these lovely little menstrual cups I keep reading about.

After doing my homework, I decided the Diva Cup was the one for me. There are two sizes to choose from (Model 1 or Model 2), naturally, I wanted to choose Model 1, but it seems as though I qualified for Model 2. She probably has a name, like Georgia. I bet Model 1's name is Brandi, or something as equally young & sexy. Ah, such is life: adult woman who has given birth, it appears as though the lady garden just isn't what it used to be.

My lovely little cup arrived in just a few days. I unwrapped it like a kid on Christmas! It came with a charming little purple drawstring bag adorned with flowers; can my period get any cuter? After ogling it for a minute, I read the instructions very thoroughly, & was actually a little disappointed that it wasn't "that time of the month". I thought, "what they hey! Let's take this thing for a spin anyway!". With that, I decided to take it for a test drive, sans period.

After thoroughly reading the instructions again, I went for it. There I was, in my bathroom in a full (& I mean full) squat, bending and folding Georgia in such a way as to fit her up there just right, give her a little twist, & voila!, ready for business. Not as easy as I wanted it to be. It took a half dozen tries & at one point I thought I was going to vacuum my uterus out. Not a great feeling.

Finally got it in right before bed. Perfect time to try it out, in case I started flowing in the night... & to test it's comfort a little. Other than the baby needing a little midnight snack, I didn't wake at all; A+ for comfort so far!

So I wake up feeling good, "Hey! I can't even feel this thing! This is great! I'll take it out in the shower (you know, in case I did start my period I can at least not worry about it looking like a murder scene in the bathroom after my first attempt at trying to remove it)."

Fast forward past shampooing & shaving... "Ok Self, let's do this". I reach up there expecting that little stem (that I was so quick to trim!) to be right there waiting for me to grasp, maybe twist a bit, & pull. Not so. "Oh crap. Where the hell is it?" I reach up a little further. I can BARELY feel it. "Holy cripes, this thing is up there. Whatev, I've given birth (three times!) I can surely remove a menstrual cup." I CANNOT get a grip on this thing. Like not even for a second. I try using my nails all the while the instruction book is in the back of my mind, "... careful not to ruin it with your fingernails... " Twice it was in there. So besides trying to remove this thing that I oh so willingly crammed up there, that's all I can think about. Then I remember, "... slide your finger up next to it to break the suction & pull it out... ". HA! Did a man write the instructions? So not happening. Panic mode sets in, "Sorry Honey, we can't have sex for awhile. I have a menstrual cup jammed up my vag & can't get it out for the life of me. But not to worry, the instructions say that gravity will eventually help it make it's way out." Eventually? What the heck does that mean? Later? Tomorrow? Next freaking Saturday? I'm seriously in a full squat, in the shower, elbow deep in my lady garden trying to get this thing out...

Three minutes later (I imagine, although it felt like an eternity)... got it! Tears of joy! Now I have to try & remove it more gently than yesterday. I break the suction (likely with my elbow), give a little twist, & it still feels like it's going to vacuum my uterus out. But nonetheless, I got the damn thing out. Thank. God. Can you imagine if I was actually having my period? I would have been COVERED in blood. Murder scene for sure.

Glad I took it for a test drive though. All I can think is, "holy hell, what did I get myself into?". But strangely, I can't wait to try again. Also, how the bloody hell (pun totally intended!) am I EVER going to empty this thing in public? I seriously feel like I needed a treasure map & backhoe to get it out.

Four months later...

I've emptied it:

  • at work
  • at a friend's house
  • at my in-law's house
  • at a restaurant
  • at the bookstore
  • at the mall
  • at the airport (THAT was a tricky one!)

Georgia & I haven't been camping or to a water park yet, but I'm confident we will!

I LOVE this thing! I seriously do! A+++ for Diva! Although it takes a little (a lot) of patience & practice, it's second nature when Shark Week comes around now! Georgia & I have a good thing going.

So for all you ladies thinking of "greening your cycle" - DO IT! No waste, no midnight emergency runs for you (or your significant other!), no nothing! In fact, hubs doesn't even know when I'm riding the Red Pony!

Also, I hope this review was helpful. It is 100% my personal opinion. I am in no way affiliated with Diva Cup.

See Georgia? She's the pretty one on the right.
See Georgia? She's the pretty one on the right.

Would you ever use a menstrual cup?

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