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The Begining Of The End Of "Fat Bastard"

Updated on April 12, 2017

My Fatness Confirmed! Thanks Mom!

During a wine-fueled Christmas dinner one year, we adopted the "funny phrase of the day", you know, a little wine and a lot of laughs.... well the "funny word of the day" was "FAT BASTARD". Being overweight and miserable, you gotta take a little time to indulge in some self-deprecating humour from time to time. Especially in front of your family, it lets the self-deprecated feel in control of his or her unhappiness, and displays to others around him/her that they aware of their unhappy situation and will soon do something about it thus re-assuring said family members, so why not laugh a little about it in the meantime? Well, we laughed a lot! Roaring belly laughter, tears in the corner of our eyes laughter, "FAT BASTARD!" we said with an exaggerated Scottish accent, go ahead, try it! See? Funny! No?

No. My mother didn't think it was so funny. I looked over at her and she was not laughing. She sat there with a hurt expression on her face and her hand covering her mouth. She does that when she's upset. I asked her what was wrong... she had missed the joke, she looked at me squarely in the eye and with all her might not to burst out in tears said, "you're not a bastard, we were married when we had you"

So there, my mom set it straight, she pointed out that I was not a bastard but that I was in fact fat.

Crazy Italians

Coming from an Italian family who cooked very well, when you were at the dinner table and there was food in front of you and you were not eating it or, if you were not able to eat for six hours straight during a wedding reception, or if you skipped out on dessert, you were not eating enough and were therefore not healthy. The phrase "no ti brigognio, manga, manga!" -don't be shy, eat, eat! was often followed a short while later be the phrase "madonne, como si engrassatto! fa attentione!" -My god how you've gotten fat! Be careful! I kid you not.

Increased Physical Activity

With those words ringing in my head, and the veal parmesan cutlets churning in my fat bastard belly, I had decided that it is now time to do something about it, right after the traditional midnight turkey..... crazy Italians.

The first thing I did was something I had never done before. Something that would display to the world that I recognised the gravity of my situation and was ready to do something about it. I joined a gym. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. Just going and signing up was so intimidating. I was still fat, and self-conscious. As soon as I walked in, all eyes were on me. Despite all those feelings I still went through it, baggy T-shirt drenched in sweat, I ran on treadmills, rowed on rowers and ellipticalled on elliptical machines. I stuck to It.

Food Is Good, Less Food Is Better

Around that time I started watching what I ate. After all, what was the point of doing all this work if I was going to sabotage it with poor food choices. That's when I started followed my wife's weight watcher's program. I found tracking the food I ate in a day really helped me cap the overeating.

One App that really helped with the weight watchers was "WWDiary" Check it out in the app store.

I tried going Vegan... fifteen minutes later I decided that being a Vegetarian was more my speed. Then I realized that I love eggs.....Ovolatarian. What no fish, come on.....

So Pescatarian it is!

I had layed off the beef, pork, and poultry for almost a year after watching 'Cowspiracy' on Netflix. A documentary on Netflix that chalenges the sustainability of the meat industry.

Enter: Running

Running will absolutely torch the fat right off! Our bodies are designed for it. Running at a steady rate for a specific amount of time can be both physically and mentally rewarding.

During a run, the body is operating at peak efficiency. Breathing steady, shoulders relaxed and the mind is crystal clear. No earbuds, just the sound of your footfall, and whatever is rustling in the bushes over there.

I like running in the early morning before the birds are up. While running in the a.m. I've seen fox, racoons, bunnies, coyotes, and of course the ever respected skunk, all of whom were very disturbed to see me running by. I fully understand their shock whenever I see another runner in this majestic, and pristine twilight.

So clear are my thoughts at this hour, I only wish I could dictate my thoughts at the moment.

Keep It All Together

Success will come if you stick to your routines. Food tracking is a powerful tool in your journey from fat to fit. You can perform physical activity and see very little results if you eat poorly in your down time. Future motivation will come from your success. Initial motivation is like gold, you must dig deep into your soul to find it. You can use imagery of who you want to be when you reach your fitness goals. Now go do it! Stop reading this and go! Go now and be your new self! Good luck!

© 2017 Ardot


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    • Ardot profile image

      Ardot 11 months ago from Canada

      Hi FlourishAnyway, thanks for reading! Cutting out the meat really made a huge difference at the beginning of my mission. I found myself looking for strong sources of iron and watching when I ate my carbs and protein in relation to my physical activities.

      Don't let people tell you that you need the protein... if you're eating the right foods (fruit and vege, no sugar) your body will absorb the same amount of protein as someone who eats meat. People don't realise that even if they are taking a protein shake, most of it is passing through them as waste... hmmm new hub coming along....

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 11 months ago from USA

      I like your humor and storytelling. My husband is a triathlete who used to be doughy but suddenly started running at 5 am each day. He lost weight so quickly that people asked him if he was ill. He's fitter now than ever before thanks to daily exercise. I don't run. I can empathize with your dietary search. I am trying to limit meat.

    • louiseelcross profile image

      Louise Elcross 11 months ago from UK

      I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. X