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The Great Doughnut War -part one

Updated on February 6, 2010

One against Nine

Me Against Them

This evening, I walked into the kitchen and ran headlong into the biggest box of doughnuts, I had ever seen. There were nine of them left. And they were spread out in a large box with a clear lid. I could see them all. Six of them were glazed and three were (gulp!) chocolate frosted with pink swirls.

Needless to say I had a Homer Simpson moment and, “Doh!!!!!!” burst forth from my inner being.

(For those that are not part of my online support group) I am trying to get my weight under control by keeping track of what I eat, exercise, and the accountability that online support gives me. My buddies at buddyslim.com are a real godsend. I feel like I can make a permanent change. But I know it will be an ongoing struggle.

Bach to the doughnuts: I stared at them for a moment and then before I left, I noticed some of them were now smiling. The one in the upper right-hand corner spoke to me. “We’ve heard about you!”

“I have heard about you too!” I responded.

“W-w-w-what are going to do with us?” the lovely round sweet treat actually seemed afraid.

“Why nothing. I am too close to my daily limit of calories.” I assured it.

I have never heard nine doughnuts all laughing at once before, and it was quite an annoying sight to behold. “Why do you all think that is so funny?” I inquired.

“There is no way that you will go through the night without eating at least one of us.” A glazed treat announced.

“And what makes you so certain?” I inquired.

“Because we are doughnuts and you are the man that cannot resist us. You have to eat us. It is in your makeup!” a chocolate one declared.

“Sorry, not this time, doughnuts. I may eat one of you in the morning, with coffee, but not tonight.” I announced.

Suddenly the kitchen roared with laughter as the doughnuts were beside themselves with amusement.

“What’s going on in there?” my wife asked.

“I uh um, I just dropped a plate…nothing going on in here.” I replied.

She came into the kitchen and looked at me in amazement. “Are you talking to those doughnuts?” she asked.

“Of course I am. They are mad because I won’t eat any of them tonight,” I told her.

“You know, if I thought it would do any good, I’d have them take you in and examined for 48 hours.” She remarked.

“But it wouldn’t do a bit of good would it?” I proclaimed.

“Not a bit,” she agreed, “just turn out the light when you are through!”

“Sure thing,” I responded.

“Way to go you guys,” I yelled (in hushed tones).

“I’ll tell you what, doughnut king, if you go through the night without eating one of us, we will not bother you for a week.” a doughnut barked.

“Make it a month and you have a deal,” I demanded.

They all huddled together and then one of the glazed ones said, “OK, you have a deal.”

“OK, I will see ONE of you in the morning with my coffee.” I announced.

Join us tomorrow for part 2 of The Great Doughnut War

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