ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Quality of Life & Wellness»
  • Personal Development

The Inner Child And Our Relationship To Our Parents

Updated on February 23, 2013

Photo: Bandini, Morguefiles.com

Source

Relationships and the Quality of Our Lives

In our modern world, it is easy to think that having more is the ultimately key to fulfillment. Acquiring new things in our lives can give us some satisfaction. But there is a limit. Getting what we want is extremely exciting at first (new clothes, new job, new car, new house etc.) However, once the excitement wears down, we feel a void inside. And this causes us to continue pursuing outer material things.

However, the relationships we have with ourselves and other people is what actually colors the emotional experience of our lives.

Relationships Create the Fabric of Our Life Experiences

We may be the best at what we do. But if we don't have harmonious relationships with our co-workers and clients, we will not feel happy at our jobs.

We may think that if we do what we love, we will find happiness. But again, when you turn what you love into a service, you face demands from other people. This not only includes customers , but also the sentiments and attitudes of your market. When these demands are tied to financial obligations like paying the bills, this can be stressful. Your needs should be in balance with the needs of others. And again, this points to the issue of relationships with others.

Therefore, no matter how much we have, it is our relationships (with ourselves and others) that affect our ability to enjoy life.

Our Parents Shape Our Emotional Lives

As babies, our parents represented our outside world. We received food, clothing and shelter from them. Inside, we also had strong need. We needed to receive the feelings of love, complete acceptance and validation. We needed to feel completely understood and connected. We feared the feelings of isolation, abandonment and being alone.

These patterns leave emotional patterns and grooves, like currents of feelings within ourselves. And these feelings translate into messages we form about ourselves and our relationship to the world.

On a healthy level some of these messages may say things like:

  • I am lovable
  • I always receive love even if I make mistakes
  • My actions are separate from who I am
  • If I make a mistake, I can just learn to do things differently and still be loved
  • Boundaries are positive
  • Life feels wonderful

Other people respond to these emotional patterns which emanate from us. And they often behave and react to us in ways that often reflect our relationship with our parents.

It's like leaving a footprint in wet sand. Those with the same sized feet will fit into this imprint.

Our Parents and Our Relationships With Ourselves

Often, if you look at the tone of your inner dialogue, you may find that it mirrors the emotional tone of your parents and how they related to you.

If your parent was loving, kind and patient with you, these qualities are often reflected in your inner dialogue with yourself. Even if they said the correct things, you were probably able to pick up on their genuine emotional state (whether this was apathy or true recognition of your feelings). And this is what leaves a stronger imprint.

If your parents were emotionally detached and highly critical of your best efforts, you may

Our Parents and Our Relationships With Our Peers and Others

In childhood, when issues arose between ourselves and other people, our parents often had to intervene.

Some parents will get involved in a way that is fair for everyone. Some may fairly or unfairly blame their child, or even compare them unfavorably to Or they may put their child on a pedestal to the detriment of others.

This sends messages to the child about where they stand in the social order of things and how they relate to others.

Parents are only human. However, the foundation they have set for us may need to be addressed in order to actually experience the changes we want.



Puravida, Morguefile.com
Puravida, Morguefile.com | Source

Our Inner Child

In other hubs, I wrote about how our inner child continues to react to past events. He or she continues to through the same emotional lens that was created in our early years.

If our parents were there for us and did a great job of providing for us emotionally and physically, then accept these gifts to make the most out of your current life.

Keep in mind, that they are only human. Even if they were the best parents, you may find areas where your adult self needs to supplement their parenting. Examples might include:

  • setting a stronger sense of structure to better organize your life
  • motivating yourself to go above an beyond your current achievements
  • acknowledging and developing your own hidden talents to the fullest
  • permitting yourself to be more assertive

You may have had parents who severely fell short of meeting your needs. They may have been too worried about their careers. They may not have received the love and support they needed from their own parents.

Your parents may have been angry or even abusive, creating patterns that sabotage your life today. These are situations that need to be healed.

Your adult self needs to step in as a third person to re parent or supplement the efforts of your biological family in order to change your emotional experience of life.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)