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The Mystery Surrounding Self-Esteem

Updated on October 17, 2017

The Mystery surrounding Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the created being in every person that makes one stand out in whichever fields he commands.

If you kill the esteem, you kill the person.

Low self-esteem denies a person the chance to be himself. Psychologists often deal with the affected person trying to mend the lost esteem whereas nobody tells us that the process of alleviating the mess involves more than just the affected people.

Low self-esteem frustrates a person and can lead to depression or worse off, suicide. Unfortunately, in the developing stages, it is not well understood and considered more of a personal problem. It becomes a family problem only when it has advanced to depression.

Without each person taking a personal responsibility towards this fast-growing disastrous “low self-esteem” family, the destruction may get more out of hand than it has, right from our homes to other institutions.


Who is the cause of low self-esteem?

Looking at yourself, you may feel so confident that you have never played a part in lowering someone else’s esteem! For as long as you relate with people on a daily basis, you may be part of someone else’s esteem issues.

Of most concern are your closest family members since this is where you feel the pain if you incur losses. But bear in mind that what affects your child may be an extension of what you did to a stranger.

Some actions that lower self-esteem

As a teacher, if you humiliate a poor performing student at whatever level, you may implant a withdrawal syndrome in him and thus affect him at a later date. You may not believe that a teenager remembers how his kindergarten teacher humiliated him for poor performance. And worse off, he recalls the teacher’s name. If he is an average student, you may not be able to convince him that he can do better.

The comparison is an esteem killer. People are taking up responsibilities for an upcoming event in a meeting. Someone prefers one duty to another then all over sudden; another person shouts “children can even perform better than you.” Depending on one’s makeup, the effects of such a declaration may not be as simple as the statement.

Constant complaints targeting the same person lower his self-esteem. I don’t like your dressing. You can’t be serious you don’t know such a simple thing. I didn’t like your contribution to the Bible study. You mean you can’t drive faster than that?

The first thing that will run in the victims mind before he does anything is “will it be a mistake or am I about to ask a silly question?”

Does low self-esteem affect every victim?

You may be grinning and wondering why you are not a sufferer of low self-esteem despite your bad experiences.

The reason is simple. Each person is uniquely created. It’s unfortunate that most of the time we expect people to be like us instead of understanding that we cannot be the same.

One hardy person will brush off his hurts immediately whereas another will cry over a similar hurt for three days. The later is likely to experience low self-esteem. It is not his liking, but he’s just wired like that.

What are the effects of lowering people’s esteem?

In the long term, you will also suffer the consequences since if the person ceases to be himself, you will share in the pain. Assume it’s your child or spouse; you cannot escape it.

In such a condition, he cannot unleash his potential since he is in a leased state of mind. His overall development staggers. No matter how much he may want to offer a shoulder to lean on when you are in need, he may not be able to, courtesy of the same you.

Once it advances to depression, you will spend unexpected amounts of money solving a problem you could have avoided.

What makes one lower people’s self-esteem?

Thinking that you know and others do not know.

Assuming that people’s personalities are similar to yours, and they will not take such humiliation seriously.

Taking advantage of your power to bring the other down. A child is helpless no matter the age and may just ignore your actions yet still suffer low self-esteem.

How to avoid lowering people’s esteem

Start by accepting that people must not be like you.

Dwell on the strengths you see in other people rather than the weaknesses.

Correct mistakes in a friendly manner if there is a need.

Do not discuss someone’s weakness elsewhere if you’re not seeking a solution to it.

Never laugh at a mistake on someone’s face.

Learn to apologize just in case your words may have sent a wrong message.

Listen and only answer when he’s quiet. Speaking before he finishes makes him feel you undermine his intelligence and worsens the situation.

How to arrest low self-esteem before it advances

Listen even to what may not make sense to you and participate. After all, you’re dealing with your loved ones.

Create a friendly environment and be easily approachable.

How to handle a person who is on a self-esteem recovery process

Answer his questions immediately. Ignoring or dismissing him makes him feel unwanted.

Get much closer to him than ever before, your lack of concern about him is an emotional teaser.

Give him an opportunity to make decisions and implement them. Congratulate him for any efforts made.

Encourage him by sharing true stories of people who have had similar experiences.

Gradually make him understand that the difference in personalities may have lit up a misunderstanding where it was not meant to be.

Can low self-esteem last forever?

On the assumption that one has to deal with it on his own, it may or may not last forever. It depends on what the victim chooses or if he even realizes it’s a problem in the first place.

There are only two ways to it. You either choose to get yourself out of it or to accept the situation as it is. To make a difference, you have to tackle the cause of the problem. Let the person know the effects his actions are causing in your life and make it clear you cannot live with it. Any time he bruises you, raise the alarm as a reminder and do it politely.

Have you ever dealt with a family member with a low self-esteem?

How did you discover and handle it?

Did it advance to anything worse than that?

What did you learn from it?

Experience is the greatest of all teachers. Sharing is caring.

© 2017 JUDITH OKECH

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    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      13 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I know people with a low self esteem it is difficult to explain to these individuals of their behaviors. I have a neighbor who is an insecure person. She has a low self esteem I see that in her actions and it is sad to have such people in ones life. She is not my friend or my enemy just someone who is trying to be what she's not.

    • profile image

      judith474 

      13 months ago

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