The Myth of Beauty
I wanted to write this because I was inspired by an article I read today about an 18 year old girl who posted a picture of herself with no makeup and her bangs pinned back on her tumblr page. This girl has a disease called Pfeiffer syndrome which deforms the facial features. She was brave enough to post this photo of herself showing her natural self without the bangs that covered her forehead deformity. This is the screengrab of the post.
She received over a thousand messages in her inbox, tens of thousands of reblogs, and countless new followers the next morning. She was called an inspiration. People loved how she came out showing who she really is.
She is a beautiful and brave young woman.
I got inspired. This made me think about how society is. We are told what it is to be beautiful. Supermodels and celebrities are considered something to be looked upon as what "beautiful" is. This always disturbed me ever since I was a little girl. I strived to be what society calls beautiful. I have done countless crazy diets, obsessive exercising, diet pills, hair extensions, makeup, hair dyeing, and buying the clothes that are form fitting and stylish. It has been a struggle to be that type of beautiful. I know I get compliments on my photo, but let me tell you that was done at a good angle, with good makeup that day and was photo enhanced a little. It doesn't show my imperfections - and there are many just as we all have.
I've had an obsession with beauty since I was young. I did the whole "girl dream" thing. I wanted to be a model, but because of fear I never tried. I always had something to criticize about myself.
In my twenties I was really into looking good all the time, sometimes though circumstances got in the way. I then started wondering why. Why did I feel my value was based so much on being pretty? I knew I was smart and talented too, but that seemed like a huge priority to me. I was also obsessed with love and relationships and had a few long term relationships that didn't work out and made me question myself and my beauty as a person due to the mental abuse of those I dated who said nasty things to make me feel less than beautiful.
My weight has shifted up and down over the years by about 20 lbs here and there depending on how I felt in my life. That doesn't seem like much and I was never really overweight, but since I was around such materialistic and narcissistic people it mattered a lot to them and they let me know to again make me feel less than perfect. In their minds everyone has to have a perfectly toned body all the time. Which, unless you are working out all the time and on a crazy diet you can't be. I had a normal body.
Being a pretty girl, you sometimes attract the lowest of the low guys when you are young and not smart enough to know better. And if you don't know about people like that then they think they can take advantage of you. That is where I think the curse of beauty comes in. You start feeling like you're a piece of meat. And if you aren't "perfect" all the time, they let you know it. I gained five pounds and a guy I was dating told me "take care of it before it becomes a problem" and some real jerks I met like a photographer / artist who tried to sleep with every young attractive girl in her twenties (he being in his late forties) thought he could tell me I should get this and that done. I was compared to other women which drove me crazy too. I started getting very angry inside. I asked myself who do these "players" think they are? It's funny because that same guy said that when women turn 30 they become "ball busters". I think we just get smarter and men like that can't handle a smart woman.
I always saw myself as attractive and cared about myself and these people I seemed to be attracting were breaking down my spirit. The funny thing was that these people were nothing close to perfect themselves. My self esteem started lowering and I started feeling worse about parts of myself. It became a struggle to like myself. Mental abuse can be a really nasty thing to heal. And then I let go of all those negative thoughts that came with what other people had to say and that was when I set myself free.
I slowly learned how to take care of me and not pay attention to what others thought. I also stopped looking to relationships to make me feel better. Because, in the long run, most of them disappointed me. My first serious boyfriend at 17, I thought I was going to marry. That didn't happen. Neither did the one after that, or the one after that. Being such a romantic at heart, all of those relationships started to break down my romantic spirit.
Now, I am 31 and getting older brought a lot of other new problems to me. It also has brought a lot of strength to me and wisdom. I am still learning though. I don't know if I have found the right guy to start a family with or have accepted everything about myself yet. Getting older is also tough on women with the stigma attached to "losing their beauty" as they get older. I don't know about that one though. I believe that beauty really is in the mind. I am really loving that idea. It doesn't matter if you are tall, short, thin, overweight, or disabled. I know that when I make my day beautiful each day, I feel more beautiful.
And in the love department...
To find someone to love who can see your insides - your soul and think of you as the most beautiful woman on earth is what I am striving for. To have someone that even though we are both eighty to still see each other as beautiful as when we were young. That would be a perfect relationship to me. I've had it with the smooth talkers, the cheaters, the abusers, the liars and the losers. There are too many of them out there and I have learned to train myself well to see through them and keep at a distance no matter how physically attractive or persuasive they can be. That was a lesson in itself. A very good lesson. In that way, I am thankful none of those relationships worked out. I see it as weeding out of the bad ones, and waiting for the best to come.
I think everyone of us should love ourselves that much to give ourselves that.
This is a comment of the article page that I loved and thought I would share with you. I think it's beautiful.
josmiles6 FansBecome a fan16 minutes ago (12:01 PM)My children were born with facial anomalies... they are each gorgeous people. When they were babies I wrote the following poem for them. It's called Perfect Beauty
The great Sphinx of Egypt has,
Over the years,
Lost her nose.
Venus DiMilo has no arms
And the Liberty Bell Sports a big, wide crack.
Yet, each of these is a thing of beauty,
A symbol of perfection.
So it may be that, as it seems,
We do not look a perfection to see beauty,
But rather, we look at beauty,
And thereby see perfection.