ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Mental Health»
  • Personality Disorders

The Narcissist's New Relationship

Updated on February 5, 2018
SinDelle profile image

The Little Shaman is a spiritual counselor, hypnotherapist, and a specialist in Cluster B personality disorders.

Lots of people wonder if, when the narcissist moves on to a new relationship or otherwise fixates on a new person, will they be happier? The short answer is no, they will not be. Pathologically narcissistic people are chronically unhappy and empty. A new relationship or a new environment or a new anything is not going to change that. Nothing will change it.

The narcissist may seem happier in this new relationship and perhaps they are. For now. But it won't last. Their new partner or friend will soon reveal themselves to be just a lowly human, same as everybody else and in doing so, they will betray the narcissist just as everyone else has. Every relationship is a bitter disappointment to these people because their expectations are totally unrealistic. They are expecting the other person to be perfect, and by association to make them perfect. When this doesn't happen, they feel bitterly double-crossed, let down and lied to.

Usually the new partner reveals themselves to be imperfect by either having a flaw, having needs or by noticing that the narcissist is not perfect. These things cannot be tolerated by the narcissist. The new partner has revealed themselves to be just another selfish human, and the narcissist is extremely bitter over this revelation. Punishment for this reveal is usually swift and lasts a very long time. Essentially, it never ends. The narcissist never gets over this initial "betrayal." For all intents and purposes, the relationship does not survive once the reveal happens. It may continue, but it will never go back to what it was ever again.

This is the script most narcissists will play out in every relationship they are in for the rest of their lives. This doesn't just include romantic ones, either. It is the way they behave in all relationships. In all relationships, the other person is expected to live for the narcissist. They are expected to do everything for the relationship and the narcissist while the narcissist does nothing, gives nothing, appreciates nothing. They are expected to be perfect at all times, to read the narcissist's mind and anticipate whatever needs the narcissist may have, to never have needs, wants, feelings or anything of their own and to never make a mistake. They are expected to carry all of the narcissist's emotional baggage, to be their punching bag, to sit on the shelf waiting to be played with like a baby doll and to never stop giving perfect, unconditional love. They can never be angry, tired, stressed, hurt, sick or human in any way. If someone cannot do all of these things and many more, the narcissist cannot be happy.

This is the key to the whole thing. Narcissists do not understand that their happiness and all their other emotions are their own responsibility. They place this responsibility on others and they are devastated and furious when people do not come through for them. They view it as a personal, purposeful betrayal. You could make them happy by just doing what they want but you won't so you are evil. You've shattered the fragile illusion and validated the narcissist's delusional belief that they are no good and deserve nothing, and for that you will be punished. Their new partner or friend is no different. No one is different, because the narcissist is no different.

A new partner makes no difference in the narcissist's world. They are the star and the other person is simply acting in a generic role that anyone could fill. It does not matter what these extras do or don't do. Narcissists continue to follow the script because this is the only thing they know. They enact the same scenes out in their life with multiple people filling the same role over and over and over again. The only thing that changes are the names. So don't feel bad that you couldn't fix the narcissist. You're probably not the only one who has tried. Don't envy the new partner, either. They are about to find out what you already know: the person they think they care about does not exist.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)