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The Never Delivered Letter - Venting Frustration & Anger Peacefully

Updated on May 1, 2008

When You Just Have to Get It Out

All of us, at one time or another, have been in a situation where we felt angry, frustrated, and disappointed with someone in our lives. Often times we wanted to simply "go off" on that person - but that isn't the most positive way to deal with hurt emotions (negativity only breeds more negativity) and sometimes it just isn't possible (you can't go off on your boss, for example).

So how do you cope with these feelings that continue to bubble to the surface, making you feel like you'll implode if you don't deal with them somehow? Here I will share you with my method of calming the inner rage and allowing yourself to vent freely - get it all off your chest - without having to damage your relationship or make yourself look bad.

Write It Down

Perhaps you've heard this advice before, but you have ever actually followed it? Sitting down with pen and paper and letting your emotions just flow onto the page can be incredibly cathartic!

You don't need to even have an aptitude for writing or a good grasp of grammar - no one is going to read this but you. In fact, when writing try not to worry about things like making sense, sentence structure, and spelling; these things will only hinder your thoughts from flowing freely.

It may sound too simple to work. You may feel your problems or upset are too big to be helped by writing them down, but I promise you - if you try it, you will feel better.

The Key to Success

The key to making this work is not just spewing your thoughts onto a random piece of paper (though that is, also, effective). What you must do is imagine you are writing a letter to the person that has upset you.

Write this letter as if you have every intention of handing it over to the person that has wronged you; in your mind, imagine them reading it and seeing your point of view and understanding how they hurt you. Say whatever you want to say to this person - about this incident or any other times they have hurt you. Don't hold back - be as harsh, cruel, or angry as you want to be.

Even if the letter is nothing more than a page full of angry curses rather than an explanation of your feelings, that's fine. Write whatever you feel. There are no rules.

I call these Letters To Never Be Delivered, and they have helped me every time I have had a need to write one. Getting it all off my chest was extremely theraputic and, afterwards, I felt refreshed, cleansed, and at much more peace.

Sometimes I keep the letters, and other times - to really put an end to the hurt and pain - I burn them. I have a notebook full of these that I wrote to an ex-boyfriend after an extremely painful breakup of a long-term relationship that I plan to put into a book someday to help others going through their own difficult splits.

Do what works for you and the situation.

Why It Works

Sometimes all we need is to vent - to get the feelings crowding our mind out into the open where we can step back and more effectively analyze them. The act of writing them down is a tangible way of dealing with those emotions and facing them head-on.

The beauty of Letters To Never Be Delivered is that you help yourself through a difficult situation without burning bridges, saying things you might regret, or confronting someone you shouldn't confront (like the boss!). You deal with your inner pain on your own without dragging others into it and without making yourself look bad or bringing negative energy to yourself. It's an effective way to get past something without striking out and possibly making things worse.

Actively tackling your problem, rather than sitting and walloing in it, also helps you feel better.

Go give it a try - what have you got to lose? - and you will feel better, empowered, and more at peace once you are done. Remember, too, that harboring the anger, pain, frustration, and resentment hurts you - not the other person.

I also want to leave you with these wise words...Resentment is like taking poison, and expecting the other person to die (author unknown).


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    • profile image

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      beaumpGause 5 years ago

      When i accustomed to acquire on top of living yet of late I've truly accumulated the amount of resistance.

    • profile image

      Lathika 6 years ago

      Recently I've been wrongly accused for many things in my team project I was sub-heading. Eventually some conspired against me, throw it at me and forced me to leave the team.

      Right now I am angry with some of them for tarnishing my name and reputation in the group. I feel like sending an e-mail on how I trusted one of them for letting out all my intimate and private details and another for being bias.

      I have typed the letter out but not sure if I should even send. Or wait till the day comes where others will start realising how much a backstabber there were and realised I am the innocent one here.

    • ahostagesituation profile image

      SJ 7 years ago

      Oh, don't deliver the letter? Now you tell me. Actually, I've done this exercise before, several times, and it seems to work. It's the "send" part that gets me in trouble. I wrote a letter 8 years ago, and thought for sure it didn't make it to the person. I was happy and relieved about that...until I found out last year that it did in fact make it to him. Nice hub.

    • profile image

      James 7 years ago

      I found a cool site where you can vent

    • profile image

      ryan 8 years ago

      Thanks, not only because of this thread but because of how quickly I found it.

      I was pretty "pissed" at the moment, so i logged on and found this site.

      Once I read the article I realised that I felt calm already.

      Thanks, i'll try this!

    • profile image

      geoper2 8 years ago

      I dunno if u r Greek cause your name seems to be greek :P anyway i just want to say that my girlfriend is doing this haha damn yep i think that sometimes i am mean to her so i guess its good for her to write her feelings down , she does it at the pc and i think it makes her a lil bit calm so its proven that it works !! thanks for the advice

    • profile image

      royaltelephone 8 years ago

      i've just written a letter like this to a former employee who i really felt screwed me over once.

      But i really want to send the letter, it articulates what i was feeling without being crude, insulting or full of swear words. And the letter clearly and fairly explains my p.o.v. Can you ever send the letter?

    • profile image

      uzo olive 8 years ago

      u r most def right. Its so easy to 'talk' to paper. No inhibitions, no worries about presentation or voice level. Jus sayin how u rightly feel.

      Tanx a lot. This sure lets us know we are on track wen we spew on paper

    • profile image

      cherish 8 years ago

      Thanks for the advice..........

      I tried it so many times, & it really works well.

      It ease my burden & pain.

      And later make me feel better & more appease with myself.

    • JadedPoet profile image

      JadedPoet 9 years ago from Chillicothe MO

      It does work, as does writing a short story with the person who has hurt or frustrated you, and yourself as any kind of hero/heroine you wish to be, squashing them with purely evil, or outrageously funny vengence. I remember writing ap oem once, and sharing it with a friend who was a little pushy, and many of our mutual friends. Let's just say, no macho man who want to star in this piece. I threatened to tell everyone he was the inspiration. It did end up being a profitable poem for me, which made the use of it even sweeter.

      Great hub!

    • compu-smart profile image

      Compu-Smart 10 years ago from London UK

      spewing on paper lol!!!

      great hub skatoolaki!! i have heard about this but never realised how it really works!! i will try!!


    • C.S.Alexis profile image

      C.S.Alexis 10 years ago from NW Indiana

      Now this is what I do when I can't go for a walk. I sometimes go for a walk and then write too. I agree that spewing on paper is a wonderful release. Good advice.

    • solarcaptain profile image

      mike king 10 years ago from california

      nice blog and very good advice, that's a great idea. I'm going to try it sometime! Thank you


    • skatoolaki profile image

      skatoolaki 10 years ago from Louisiana

      I think absolutely you could type it on the a pc - sometimes I prefer to type b/c my hand, when writing, can't move as fast as my mind is going! But I can type fast enough to keep up so, yes, I think it'd be just as helpful!

      True, there are likely times the letter *could* be sent - that is true, too!

      Thank you so much for the comment & compliments. ^_^

    • funride profile image

      Ricardo Nunes 10 years ago from Portugal

      Great hub, I loved to read it. Do you think it will also work if I type that letter on the pc!? ;D

      And after all if the letter it´s really bad written one can always send it to someone who perhaps is the cause of frustration or anger! lol

      Have fun!


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