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The One That Got Away. Random Farts.

Updated on October 2, 2013
Extreme Precautions
Extreme Precautions | Source

The Guts Of The Matter

No matter who you are, or where you come from, we all fart. Whether you've got the control to do it sneaky and silently or are loud and proud.

What I'd like to discuss is 'random wind' the ones that just drop seemingly from nowhere.

I myself have been very proud of my achievement in keeping mostly wind free (or silent), since I went on a gluten free diet. Although I'm not a coeliac (the inability for the body to process gluten) I still find that restricting my diet helps to significantly reduce stomach cramps and flatulence.

However in social situations I do occasionally succumb to the temptation to eat naughty stuff, particularly if it's been especially made. I was recently reminded of one such occasion when someone made a fruitcake and brought it into work. It took a wee while for it to work its magic and when it did, I knew I was going to drop one and that it was going to be a beaut. So I went out the back of the shop and to let it off, thankfully silent, but oh so violent. Imagine my horror when a tradesman suddenly appeared sent by the shop next door to check... 'I can't remember what' and walks right into the fumes. I calmly ignored him and left him to it.

I shared my embarrassing experience with a fellow co-worker who laughed, and although this event happened a good two or more years ago, the incident was brought up again recently at a work party as a result of another fruitcake fiasco where everyone it seems was affected. The fruitcake in question was truly magnificent and the maker pretty good herself, so of course everyone tucked in, however by mid afternoon everyone was 'letting off' hell west and crooked with little or no warning.

nothing to do with flatulence, just a cute pic of one of my kids blowing bubbles
nothing to do with flatulence, just a cute pic of one of my kids blowing bubbles | Source

Some of the Culprits

Food can affect people differently but some of the best known culprits are:

  • baked beans
  • cabbage, brussel sprouts (another reason not to eat the little buggars)
  • onions, asparagus, artichokes
  • dairy products such as cheese and milk, particularly if you're one of these unfortunate types that may have a lactose intolerance.

deny it!
deny it! | Source

The Final Word

Don't unnecessarily cut these foods from your diet, you may find that simply limiting the amount you eat may be enough to give you control and if you suspect that you do have lactose or gluten issues then get yourself tested properly. It's amazing how much better you can feel if you have had a genuine food allergy issue assessed and see a dietitian to relearn you on eating.

Until then if you've eaten something you know is going to have a toxic result; avoid that road trip, steer clear of elevators and blame it on someone else (preferably the dog because he can't deny it).


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      5 years ago

      Haha love it!! :)


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