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The Paradox of Being Alone

Updated on February 16, 2012

The Paradox of Being Alone

By Tony DeLorger © 2011

The imperative in evaluating our connection with the world is measured by whom we affect and how they inturn affect us. We are, in the end, alone. We are separate entities, with singular minds, thoughts and actions. We can relate to others based on these factors, have empathy, understanding and a willingness to share our lives on some level. But in the end we are alone, our thoughts within our own heads contrived and vetted before expression.

It is interesting that we surround ourselves with people but often feel alone. As I said, we are, but the feeling only surfaces when we withdraw and stop connecting with people. This scenario is commonplace these days, because of the pressures of modern living and of course an increase in mental heath issues such as depression. What keeps us mentally fulfilled is this connection, whether it is through friendship, intimate relationships or even respect through work or creative accomplishments.

Some people cannot be alone in a physical or psychological sense. If a relationship fails they panic, not able to face the prospect of having to take responsibility for themselves. Ironically the cure for this ill is to be alone and take responsibility. But seldom does this happen because of the fear of being alone. These people then move on to the next symbiotic relationship to appears their fears.

Maturity, for most people, affords the opportunity of making peace with our self. Having been weathered by life and having come to understand our foibles, we accept them and move on with an understanding that transcends the fear of loneliness. That is not to say we become hermits, but we chose friendships and relationships based on being a complete, individual human being. This then gives a relationship the best chance possible.

Often, because of circumstance we can all feel alone, and often that feeling is accompanied by the task of repairing some emotional scar or experience. We need time to heal, rejuvenate and sometimes we need to be alone to accomplish that. That sense of ‘alone’ is medicinal rather than based on fear, and is of course positive.

We are all complex beings and understanding what being alone is and accommodating the feeling positively is a necessity in our introspection. It is in this state we begin to see who we are and the attributes, good and bad, that complete us and make us who we are.

The paradox exists because we share the planet with 2.5 plus billion people and often feel alone. I guess that proves that we are, in real terms alone, and as individual as we can be. For those who find the feeling uncomfortable, it is perhaps time to find comfort in yourself and get to know you, one on one. It may sound trite, but if you don’t know you, how can anyone else?

Something to think about?


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      Sheila Smart 

      7 years ago

      I note that you put © on your article. Well, the image of the cockatoo in flight is ©Sheila Smart! Please either remove the image or place a link to the image on my site

      Sheila Smart


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