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The People Pleaser

Updated on November 8, 2016
DDE profile image

I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Stop People Pleasing!

Don't be the People Pleaser!
Don't be the People Pleaser! | Source
Please yourself!
Please yourself! | Source
Be yourself!
Be yourself! | Source
Be happy!
Be happy! | Source
Be positive!
Be positive! | Source
Show confidence in yourself and you deserve better.
Show confidence in yourself and you deserve better. | Source

Know when to stop being the People pleaser

Feelings matter to you

  • Are you the People Pleaser?

  • Are you that person or do you know someone like that?

It is something I will not do.

Pleasing other people is not how I was raised.

It is all about how you were raised or taught from childhood.

I see it all the time in our small community and there are many people pleasers in this world.

I can't change the way people think and do, but I can change the way I think and do.

He is a people pleaser!

No matter what it is happening his motive is to please other people. If he had pleased his wife as much as he pleased other people, he would have a much happier marriage and relationship.

If only!

You are only taking advantage of you if pleasing people is your way of life.

How does that feel?

It is time you stopped making other people feel happy. In trying to make others feel the best while you feel at your worst is no my way of life.

Unless that someone is special to me I don't care.

When will you focus on your needs?

Why accommodate others so much more than your loved one?

Make you the focus of life.

It is your life and you’re doing.

  • When will you say NO?

Making up stupid excuses is not going to make much right in your life.

  • For example:

He don't care about his family’s needs instead thinks of others needs.

What he is unable to handle or cope with does not matter.

He wants the other person to be happy and fails to see what it is doing to his family.

When attending a function to only please some other person is not the way to go.

People pleasing is everywhere you just got to control what you do.

Sometimes what you want can't be tolerated but you do it to put up with it.

I don’t shut up and put up with anyone, or anything I know will bring me unhappiness and problems.

  • Say, ''no thanks!''

  • Why is it so difficult to say NO?

Be polite nobody is asking you to be rude and inconsiderate. Be calm and respectful toward the other person and don't do what they want of you.

You don't need to hang on to the less powerful and thoughtless people.

Make sure you mean what you say.

The world does not end at anyone's feet!

Be straight forward and make your point heard.

Why do you want to be the people pleaser?

If you are the people pleaser only you will be most unhappy with yourself.

Every person has a mind of their own and no one can or should make you do what you don't want to.

As when I first came to Croatia, for me it was only about pleasing other people.

I had to visit family and neighbors to make them happy. I could not continue that routine.

I had to stop and when I stopped I saw a turning point in my life.

I could not go on visiting people,

I did not know and sit in silence for hours with these people making myself bored and tired and with no communication.

I knew then it was up to me to get out of that situation and something I was not born into.

Speak up and don't be afraid to let your words heard.

People have different choices what makes you any different?

Make your opinion heard and put your foot down on such issues.

I managed to make myself heard when I could no longer live that boring and pleasing life which made me more unhappy by the day.

If you keep silent nothing will change for the better.

The key is to stop being that people pleaser!

I know of people pleasers and will do anything to make them elves present at events to be at their best to the other.

To have a good appearance because of that person and to make that person happier is a whole lot of a nonsense to me.

What will they think does not go with me?

Who cares of what they think?

Let your opinion be heard and don't get too involved with such people.

You don't have to do what others do. Don't do what others make you to do for their own satisfactions.

Be yourself!

Do whatever you like for you.

Don't think of what others will think of you. It is self-destructive to think that way.

There must be something that you like to do for you.

Don't be the People pleaser!

Be your true self!

Avoid being the People Pleaser!

You shouldn't be a pushover or manipulator.

I am not asking you to be selfish completely. Those people pleasers out there are weak and less- confident.

Be focused on your life.

It is your choice of what you want to do.

Nobody should have control over your life.

I moved away from a restricted life to my own life. Nobody can control my thoughts and my life.

You can get yourself locked in a trap if you don't speak up.

Walk away and don't look back.

Do you think it is worth having a people pleaser in your life?


The people pleaser thinks of their needs and not yours.

It is always about what makes them happy and what makes you most unhappy.

Is that how you want to live your life?

Life has limits when you go overboard definitely you have reached your limit and that can become very unpleasant for you.

You should check it out for yourself.

Analyze what is coming between you and friends.

See who you are up against.

Open your eyes to these individuals.

Have you chosen to tolerate the intolerable?

Behave normally and accept, don't accept if you have had enough of People pleaser.

I have seen behaviors that can be most frustrating. People pleasers are often expecting you to do for them and I have been through a lot of that sort of behavior. Until one day I said NO.

It was hard to say NO. When I first got acquainted with the local people I could not say No and was not actually getting the whole concept, but when I realized how unhappy it made me I had to stop it.

Nobody saw how unhappy that pleasing people thing made me. It was about making those people happy with the cost of my true happiness. I had to present myself like was from the convent something I did not have to do in my past life. I quit that behavior very fast.

I tried to understand this behavior but could not see it right away.

Everything to me at that time felt temporary, though it wasn't and I did not see what was happening around me.

The early feelings were just too mixed up.

I learned that most people pleasers live their lives in that fashion due to putting their need aside from childhood years. They had grown up in such environments.

When you better understand yourself you will know who can stay in your life and who will have to get out of your life.

If you are raised with people who lived that way can get you to be that point of being a People Pleaser.

If you live by the expectations of others you will not see well in your life.

You are expecting the other to be happier and you don't see it from your side.

You are just known as the one who runs the chores or errands.

Your true image will not be recognized by others.

It is normal and nice of you to help others. Only do it if you want to not because others told you so.

Once you know to help yourself then you will want to help others. When you know to help others you will feel much better to do that from your heart.

Do what you want by choice your actions speak louder than words when you approach the situation from within.

You would want others to help in the same way.

Do not neglect your thoughts.

People pleasers are more about giving than taking.

Their lives are less fun-filled and more about being controlled by the other.

Usually people pleaser rush along for no reason.

Your life is not seen as useful to you.

You feel that person is no longer your friend for you not helping them out, but you don't realize what you are doing to yourself.

People don't see your true self.

Be true to yourself and do what you enjoy and really want to.

People pleasing

Are you the People Pleaser?

Have you chosen to tolerate the intolerable?

See results

Life is what you make of it!

I enjoy  writing and sharing my mind here.
I enjoy writing and sharing my mind here. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      Everyone likes to make others happy but it should never be at your own sacrifice. "To thine own self be true" and then you can please others. "Do not neglect your thoughts." That is very good advice DD, if you are happy with yourself it is easier to make others happy too, but being a people pleaser just for the sake of making others happy won't make anyone happy in the long run.

      Voted up, useful, and interesting.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well my friend, I am most definitely not a people pleaser. I know others who are, but not this man. :)

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      It's important to help others, but it's also important that we don't become simply people pleasers, as you have described, Devika. Thanks for sharing your advice.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I enjoy doing things that please people but only because I want to. There is a difference. Interesting topic...

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      tillsontitan thank you kindly for the vote up, interesting and useful I appreciate you stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AliciaC thank you for your kind support.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      always exploring certainly a difference and I am glad you figured that one out thank you

    • word55 profile image

      Word 2 years ago from Chicago

      Hi Devika, this was excellent. I used to feel like a people pleaser. Always for the people. Now it's about me and them but gotta please myself before I can please them. Makes sense? Thank you for such a delightful hub.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      I no longer suffer from this. For example, I have no problem telling someone politely but firmly that something just isn't working for me. Gotta be happy.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Devika this is a very thought provoking hub, thank you for writing it. The extremes that you write of are certainly unhealthy but I do not want to throw out the baby with the bath water. A happy middle ground for me, but that took fifty years to figure out ;-)

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 2 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Hi Devika , another well written hub that will procure all a variety of comments. You are so right about people pleaser's being generally weak. The trouble is most of the leaders in our ever more dangerous world are surrounded by people pleaser's,who have not got the will power or are to frightened to voice an opinion of their for whatever reason. Great read,Voted up useful and interesting.

    • m abdullah javed profile image

      muhammad abdullah javed 2 years ago

      Excellent hub devika. Thanks for sharing. Its a common human weakness that it tends to please others, if its for good sake then ok if not control over such emotions is advisable. However one should understand what factors contribute to a 'pleasing' behaviour and what makes a person free of this? And how to differentiate between an act of appreciation and pleasing behaviour?

    • profile image

      Tricia Deed 2 years ago

      Be yourself. There are other people who are just like you. Birds of a feather flock together.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I believe it really is about how you were raised. Well done.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      "You are only taking advantage of you if pleasing people is your way of life." If only we took this statement of yours to heart. As usual you many good thoughts for personal reflection.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Interesting observations and an insightful hub! I am not a people pleaser and don't like people having those characteristics.

      Interesting hub, voted up!

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 2 years ago from India

      Oh what a great hub is this and how full of wisdom ! Devika, each guy in this beautiful planet is awesome and unique and this everyone has to realize and experience to the fullest extent. In other words, one has to please oneself first before helping others feel pleasure and happiness. Always hankering after others is a slave mentality and such kind of behavior is abominable. You have so insightfully written about this topic that everything becomes crystal clear. Voted up in all respects except F.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      word55 thank you for sharing your opinions and so true.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway I know that feeling when you free to say what you want and don't want to hold back politely works well. Thank you.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Ericdierker thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      D.A.L. I don't think it is right for anyone to go with pleasing others. It all depends on how one was raised and that makes a difference from childhood to adulthood. Thank you for all votes and glad you came by.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      m abdullah javed well said and greatly thought of your questions are worthwhile thinking of thank you.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Tricia Deed thank you kindly

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jackie Lynnley so true thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MsDora sure I like that line, ''You are only taking advantage of you if pleasing people is your way of life." thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      ChitrangadaSharan thank you for the vote up and i so agree with you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Harishprasad, thank you so kind of you to stop by here. I find that people pleasers are weak and less confident. I appreciate all votes.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 2 years ago

      People do go through different stages in life. I think that people learn to put themselves first based on their own experiences. When someone encounters something new- like a new job or new country, they may do pleasing because the situation is new. As they find their own footing they learn to stop.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi jtrader, you are right about that ''When someone encounters something new- like a new job or new country, they may do pleasing because the situation is new. As they find their own footing they learn to stop.'' Though are some people who won't stop and that is a different situation. Thank you.

    • Susan Recipes profile image

      Susan 2 years ago from India

      I like helping people but not the Pleaser type. Interesting topic.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Susan Recipes I so agree with you thank you.

    • VioletteRose profile image

      VioletteRose 2 years ago from Chicago

      Loved reading this. I agree with every word you said here. I can never be a people pleaser.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      VioletteRose Thank you very much for sharing such thoughtful comments.

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