ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Power of Grief

Updated on July 15, 2016

The Power of Grief

By Tony DeLorger © 2011

Grief makes us more alive than any other experience. It is the proof that we are committed to our lives in a meaningful way and that life matters to us. Grief is the razor-sharp experience of pain combined with the crushing isolation of loss. It imbues us with such tormented emotion that we can barely withstand its onslaught. Of all emotional experience, grief is the most defining and resolute. Its power is derivative of the depths of our soul’s reality and exposes us to our greatest potential, our uninhibited capacity to love unconditionally and to realise the enormity of that loss.

Because of this, grieving is the one 'emotion' that cannot be contained, nor dispensed with before the process is complete. We become non-functional and at the mercy of our emotions in a complete way, unlike any other feeling or experience. Our ability to progress through and deal with the aspects of grief, defines us and our thoughts and action for the remainder of life. There is no other experience that has this affect on our psyche and well-being.

Grief is the one experience that can build character and gain an understanding of whom we are, our strengths and weakness. In short grief brings us to our knees and renders us more vulnerable to the reality and understanding of our being and our mortality.

There are five stages of grief and to be able to overcome the experience they must be experienced fully.

1/ Denial and Isolation

At first we tend to deny the loss and withdraw from our usual social contacts. The shock and intensity of the loss is too overwhelming and the fear of this outcome drives us to create a wall of protection. This stage can be short in duration or can take a great deal longer, depending on the individual.

2/ Anger

The second stage is anger. Often this anger is directed at the person who died, blaming them for the pain being inflicted, for letting this happen at all. Self-blame can also occur, for not being able to stop this event from happening, even if realistically nothing could have stopped it.

3/ Bargaining

Often people turn to God and try to make a bargain asking...’if you take away the loss, I will do this or that.’

4/ Depression

Although both anger and sadness remain, the person feels numb, the experience to the point of being so overwhelming that emotional isolation from it is necessary.

5/ Acceptance

At this stage anger, sadness and mourning slowly begin to fade and acceptance of the reality of the loss is evident.

There are many conflicted feelings during the process of grief: sorrow, anger, shame, anxiety, guilt and loneliness to name a few. This can of course be stressful. But to deny these feelings and to not go through the five stages completely can make the process much more difficult and longer. Looking on the bright side or cutting yourself off from the grief by hiding or denying emotions simply makes the process more difficult and protracted.

Recovery from the stresses accompanying grief can happen more quickly with good self-care habits and a close circle of family and friends to support. A good diet, exercise and appropriate rest, without the need for alcohol or drugs can make all the difference. We are usually unprepared for grief and when tragedy strikes self-care is an important aspect of a quick and complete recovery and eventual acceptance.

Grief is indeed an overwhelming experience and can change our lives dramatically for a time. But the experience can help us too, to better understand ourselves and our potentials as a human being. Once recovered, the person may feel more complete emotionally and have a more balanced and broader perspective of life and how we should live it.

The best way to overcome pain is to immerse yourself in it, experience it fully. Fear is quite often the motivator and in the end it can inhibit the process of grief and make the experience worse. It is therefore important to allow yourself to experience the five steps and be kind to yourself for a full recovery.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Glad you found it useful.

    • QudsiaP1 profile image


      7 years ago

      An excellent, helpful and useful hub.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)