- Mental Health
The working relations between the Sociopath and Apath
I spoke to a friend of mine who has a Doctorate in Psychology. She thought my writing this hubpage would be therapeutic and beneficial for other empaths. I am not ashamed of seeing a Psychologist. One of my social work professors was and still is a Mental Health Social Worker. My friend had me do a personality test before seeing her professionally, during my divorce. We also had to do social work class assignments where we learned what kind of learners each classmate was. There is actually a book called "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders," that many social workers have to use in the field. We had to get a similar book for an elective class. Did you know that many therapists and counselors are empathic individuals? Many empathic individuals are targeted by sociopaths, and aided by "apaths."
This has happened to me. A friend helped me piece it all together. Now, I write this, and will then make some changes to my life, so this never happens again. One can only change yourself, afterall. One cannot change close minded people. Furthermore, a joke has to be funny. Using people is never funny.
It is said that an empath is easy prey for a sociopath. After the event, I found myself overrun with guilt about "being stupid," and "I should have listened to my gut instinct." However, being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. When he told me, "She's (his apath) just a friend from work. There is nothing going on." I decided to trust him. Of course, after this sociopath said, "Uh....you don't trust me?" Which was a big mistake. He wasn't worth trusting. Always question a person's trust when they say that. Always.
When the sociopath and I first met, I had no idea this sociopath was testing people's empathy. I was already an easy target due to a military divorce - having moved back to the state my parents and brothers reside. Probably why I did not notice the signs geared towards his discovering that I am an empathic individual. It was a stressful time in my life. He appeared to be the opposite of who he really is. I was used by a sociopath for his cruel entertainment. This is never a joke. This is not a decent human being, and people need to be warned. They tend to bring apathetic individuals into their schemes. Never trust a clique system. It appears that the department that this sociopath and his apath worked has become a clique system. I know, because I have job coached at this store. I know someone who was asked to transfer to that department, and then he transferred back, not liking the people that he worked with in that clique system department.
Statistics show that sociopaths make up 25% of the prison population. However, not all sociopaths are imprisoned. Which is why we must be mindful of who we let into our lives. If emotional trauma is left undiagnosed, it can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Furthermore, people should be warned that more women get diagnosed with mental disorders because they seek help, more so than men. Which is why more men are Narcissistic than women.
Some sociopaths wreck havoc in non-theatrical ways, so their mental disorder can remain dormant. They can display a charm on the surface, which covers up their questionable behavior. Sociopaths start targeting people from a very young age. They take advantage of people's goodwill. It was obvious, this sociopath did need help. I had help from my family, but the sociopath disowned the members of his nuclear family after high school. Which he was one class shy of ever graduating, and lied about having graduated until he was ready to divulge the truth. However, he was enabling himself, by spending money on things that he did not need. He lived in a basement in Missouri, so I purchased a winter coat, wood burning furnace and boots so he would not freeze. (In that order.) I didn't know this at the time, as he continued to lead me into believing we were exclusive (going as far as having my name put down as an emergency contact at his doctor's office, which sounds exclusive to me), but by the time the wood burning stove was purchased, he was in a relationship with another girl, which was more of a relationship than he had me initially believe, and she became the apath. I did not find out about their relationship when it actually started.
This day and age the only one not trying to put on a mask is the empath. The Narcissist, Sociopath and Apath put on their mask every day. The empath has to, now, remain alert, knowing that not many people want to be the empath's friend because empaths always do the right thing, even if it makes life more difficult for you, the empath.
Apath (Sociopath/Narcissist connection) - MAP-K (On the road to Narcissism)
For the sociopath to win at the games they play, they enlist the help of an apath. In this case, the apath agreed to let the situation continue, as she hid in the shadows; helping the sociopath keep his relationship with the apath in the dark, so he could still go on a trip to Lemp Mansion, and all the other benefits two different women can give him. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be "blind" to what is going on. It isn't easy to identify an apath, because in other situations, an apath can show empathy and concern for others - just not to the person the sociopath wants to target.
How apaths become involved in continuing this trap is not hard to understand, but is harder to accept. The apath's main attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. The apath might be jealous of or angry at the targeted person, and has something to gain from the situation. (Like a hand me down camera.) The apath might choose to turn a blind eye because they do not have the moral courage to help the targeted person. This is the type of scenario that causes people to blindly follow leaders motivated only by self-interest - A Sociopath and a sociopath in training (aka the apath).
Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow. They will never be a leader, always a follower. The apath's response to the sociopath's set trap can result from a state of simply continuing to learn to be helpless. They are the first to jump on the band wagon of bullying. They want to fit in. Apaths behave in this way because they want to avoid unpleasant circumstances, which includes the sociopath turning on them. Apathy is an avoidance strategy. Which means the apaths are usually afraid of confrontation. Which is a reminder of a character on the movie, "Mean Girls."
Historically, Christians have condemned apathy as a deficiency of love and devotion to God and his works.
The Triangle (Sociopath - Empath - Apath)
In this situation, the empath is forced to make a stand about the money that is owed her. The empath challenges the sociopath, who shifts the blame to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath's perspective, after a social media message. The empath fights her battle alone. (Which I have done before.)
The situation usually ends badly for the empath and, sometimes, for the apath. If the apath's conscience returns to haunt them. They, later, become an object of abuse themselves. Frustratingly, the sociopath walks away scot free. The sociopath knows he got away with everything he wanted. There is no remorse on his part.
Sociopaths draw in their apaths by different means: flattery, bribery, disorienting them with lies. A sociopath will go to any length to win his game, such as stringing someone along after having started another relationship, because he does not want to lose what that person offered him. Sociopaths play many people from the center of the field. Only you can abide by your boundaries and cut them out of your life.
I was put through what is called, "the sociopath's dance," where he staged strange events, such as when I went to ask about my money, at the only public place that I could see him. His work. He yelled at work about moving back to Boston, so co-workers heard this interchange. Personally, I don't care where you move. I just want to be paid back the money that I loaned him and a clean break. I am still friends with plenty of guys that I have dated due to having appropriate closure. It is indecent people that make break ups messy. People that do not do the right thing.
Anyone can become a victim of the sociopath: a parent, a child, in-laws, friends, groups of people; including work colleagues. I am beginning to think that this is a pattern for this person. My doctor friend says that a diagnosis of sociopath is as plausible as my anxiety is for me. It is due to people like this that I have anxiety. What happened to, "treat others as you would want to be treated?"
New Dating trend??
I recently read about a new dating trend that reminded me of what I had been through in this hub. The trend has been given the name, "roaching." Roaching is when a person keeps their options opened then downplays the behavior when confronted. They will hide crushes, flings and previous partners. The name "roaching" was given because when you see one cockroach there are many that you do not see. You may have seen just this person, but their hurtful behavior hides a number of other confidants, crushes, dates, flirtations, hook ups and maybe other relationships from you. Just like cockroaches, the behavior is common, and nasty.
Therefore, please beware of roaches. Ewww....Apparently, they are both the sociopath and the apath in masks.
I have made some changes in my life. I have now put more effort into having quality relationships with family and friends that already love me. In speaking out on Trump's Narcissism, I have attracted more of the people that I actually want in my life. I have continued keeping my boundaries in place.
Needless to say, the sociopath will continue to lie to his little apath. It will eventually come out that we were exclusive. This conversation of exclusivity was had in November 2013. He went as far as adding me as an emergency contact at his doctor's office. I would not have done the things that I had done for him if we hadn't been exclusive. The sociopath knows that. When we were first together, he was told, "I do not do one night stands. I am not that kind of girl." The apaths rose colored glasses will, eventually, be removed sometime. The sociopath will eventually forget the lies he told to keep everything together. They always do. That's how things unravel. It just takes time.
While the sociopath and the apath deal with that, I'll be busy doing other things when they, eventually, self-destruct. That is how it usually ends. Or, they will do the trend of "roaching," in their own relationship. Which is gross.
Now that I know that Sociopaths and Apaths are heading down the road to Narcissism, I will be able to end relationships with these people before they ever start being a Narcissist. This is a good thing. Like most quotes, this sociopath was meant to be a lesson, not my future. Feel sorry for those that marry one. However, sociopaths do thrive in prison.
Thank you God for the lesson learned. I now know the reason why I am heading down the path that you put me on. It took awhile. I know that I am the right person for this job, as I continue to have the strength you gave me, and that many people are jealous of. My hope is that they both learn the valuable lesson that they need to learn. That they both do not continue the dysfunctional cycle that is them. Roaching is not a way of life.
God, I am up for this challenge.