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The burden of secrets

Updated on April 16, 2013

So many times in our lives, we have what we believe are “good intentions” in deciding to keep secrets from those we love. As children, we are taught that the idea of keeping secrets means that we are trustworthy and “good”. We think it is fun to be trusted with a secret because that means we know something that others don’t know. It’s a feeling of superiority to some extent. An example would be when our Mom or Dad would say to us, “Don’t tell your sister what I got her for her birthday – it’s a secret.” Or Mom would say, “Go to bed. I will finish your chores so you won’t get in trouble when Dad gets home from work and don’t tell him! It’s a secret!”

This ability to “keep secrets” as we grow up gives us a perception of ourselves that we sometimes misconstrue as being “honorable”. It gives us a sense of pride, sometimes a sense of entitlement, in that we choose to use our tendency towards being “honorable” as a way to avoid “hurting someone else”.

Sometimes, we get caught up in our own drama, our own emotional uncertainties, and we regress back to our thoughts of superiority as a child in the keeping of a current secret. We make choices that are not beneficial for our own peace of mind. The choices are not beneficial for the advancement of our success in life either. The secrets we choose to keep not only make us feel uneasy in our thoughts and heart, but they bring about a sense of anxiety and fear, knowing that if our “secret” is discovered, it may bring chaos and pain to those in our everyday lives.


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    • Lene Lynn profile image

      Lene' Lynn St. John 4 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      lovedoctor926, I totally agree with you and appreciate you stopping by to read and comment. Thanks for the thoughts. ;)

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Interesting hub! A promise is a promise. The way that I see it is that if someone trusted me enough to share something confidential, then it shouldn't be revealed. That's why it's called a secret. Many people suffer from diarrhea of the mouth, which means that if you tell someone to please keep a secret and to swear to you that they won't say anything, you can almost bet that in less than 5 minutes, your secret has been revealed to the entire world. Be careful whom you trust.

    • Lene Lynn profile image

      Lene' Lynn St. John 6 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      HI ytsenoh, I totally agree with you...we have several things in common, as you shall find when you read the email I sent to you on your page! Thanks for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it! :)

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      Cathy 6 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

      Interesting hub. It's interesting how we define keeping secrets from our youth through adulthood, and especially how it transitions from "keeping a secret" to "keeping a confidentiality," such as in some of our fields of employment. I work in a law firm by day and everything is based on integrity as it should be. Thanks for your hub.