- Mental Health
The old saying "Sticks and Stones may break my Bones but words will never hurt me"
The Old Saying...
"Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones but Words will Never Hurt Me"
by Monica Ortega
From personal experience, I'd have to say this saying is not true...because words do hurt and they can affect and hurt a person so much so, that the results can sometimes be devastating. June eighth is coming up, and that is the day my mother committed suicide in the year of 1997. For so many years I blamed myself for her death because of the hurtful words that I said, that I believe pushed her over the edge.
See, half of my teenage youth I took care of my mother, after she overdosed on drugs that caused an aneurysm in her brain. Due, to this I quit school in the seventh grade, having to illegally learn to drive to take care of her and get her to her doctor appointment's. I was just a kid where the tables turned, I was like her mother and she was a child. Doctors were amazed she survived the surgery and especially amazed that according to their predictions, she was not a vegetable proceeding the surgery, she survived. Unfortunately, she did come out with behaviors that were very child like.
She would cling to me just as a five year old child would. Continuing, I was able to nurse her back to health, which took a two year period. Once she felt better and healthier she promised she would care for me and never live the lifestyle that almost killed her. I loved my mother very much and remembering praying to God that she meant the world to me and if she died I'd surely kill myself.
Throughout my early teens I was always intervening and trying to stop her from killing herself. Due, to mental disorders my mother was frequently depressed because of having an abusive relationship with my step-father. As a family we endured frequent forms of abusive behavior from him. We put up with this torturous abuse for eleven years. I will never forget the verbal abuse that made me and my family feel lower than dirt. Being called every name in the book as a child can really cause diverse mental and emotional unstable self portraits of oneself.
To this day, I struggle still with low self esteem and identity issue's and am always fighting a fierce battle within my mind. Words do hurt and if told long enough how worthless you are following physical and sexual abuse, it can and will leave you so twisted. The sad thing is that abuse in any form can be a gift that keeps on giving. The mental illnesses that I suffer with was because of the abused received as a child, a very young child, a toddler.
The purpose of this article is because of the very last words that I regret to this day saying to my biological mother which unfortunately was the last time I had seen her before she committed suicide. At that time I agreed to have her live with my husband and myself and my baby girl, Breanna. She was so upset with me because she came to me for help via rehab and therapy for drugs and alcohol addictions. Well, she couldn't handle it...leaving me to make a decision because of physical, and homicidal threats towards me and my family. I had to ask her to leave my home after she pulled out a knife on me, while holding my infant child and tried to stab me.
Then, threatened that If she had to leave she was just going to go and kill herself because she said, that I didn't love her, which was far from the truth. The very fact that she was a danger to my family really made me angry to where I said, the very words that til this day I regret and will never forget. " I said, don't you ever threaten me or my family ever again and if you want to kill yourself I told her go ahead and kill yourself just don't do it here in my home, because I don't care anymore." Two month's later, I received a phone call...in regards to my mother that she was dead, by course of suicide.
She felt so bad about what I told her that she being diabetic injected herself with a bottle of insulin killing her. Making me feel worse was the hurtful suicide note she left especially for me. She indicated and hoped that I was happy now that she was gone, thanking me and accusing me that her suicide was all my fault. Can you even imagine how I felt, reading this letter and then blaming myself for so many years and believing that I killed her with my hurtful words.
"Yeah, Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but words will never hurt me, is the biggest lie...Words do hurt, and maybe some can say this and not be bothered by it but eventually hurtful words do build up in us mentally and emotionally, eventually if heard enough you will crack. It's called being human" by Monica Ortega