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The old saying "Sticks and Stones may break my Bones but words will never hurt me"

Updated on June 3, 2012

The Old Saying...

"Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones but Words will Never Hurt Me"

by Monica Ortega

From personal experience, I'd have to say this saying is not true...because words do hurt and they can affect and hurt a person so much so, that the results can sometimes be devastating. June eighth is coming up, and that is the day my mother committed suicide in the year of 1997. For so many years I blamed myself for her death because of the hurtful words that I said, that I believe pushed her over the edge.

See, half of my teenage youth I took care of my mother, after she overdosed on drugs that caused an aneurysm in her brain. Due, to this I quit school in the seventh grade, having to illegally learn to drive to take care of her and get her to her doctor appointment's. I was just a kid where the tables turned, I was like her mother and she was a child. Doctors were amazed she survived the surgery and especially amazed that according to their predictions, she was not a vegetable proceeding the surgery, she survived. Unfortunately, she did come out with behaviors that were very child like.

She would cling to me just as a five year old child would. Continuing, I was able to nurse her back to health, which took a two year period. Once she felt better and healthier she promised she would care for me and never live the lifestyle that almost killed her. I loved my mother very much and remembering praying to God that she meant the world to me and if she died I'd surely kill myself.

Throughout my early teens I was always intervening and trying to stop her from killing herself. Due, to mental disorders my mother was frequently depressed because of having an abusive relationship with my step-father. As a family we endured frequent forms of abusive behavior from him. We put up with this torturous abuse for eleven years. I will never forget the verbal abuse that made me and my family feel lower than dirt. Being called every name in the book as a child can really cause diverse mental and emotional unstable self portraits of oneself.

To this day, I struggle still with low self esteem and identity issue's and am always fighting a fierce battle within my mind. Words do hurt and if told long enough how worthless you are following physical and sexual abuse, it can and will leave you so twisted. The sad thing is that abuse in any form can be a gift that keeps on giving. The mental illnesses that I suffer with was because of the abused received as a child, a very young child, a toddler.

The purpose of this article is because of the very last words that I regret to this day saying to my biological mother which unfortunately was the last time I had seen her before she committed suicide. At that time I agreed to have her live with my husband and myself and my baby girl, Breanna. She was so upset with me because she came to me for help via rehab and therapy for drugs and alcohol addictions. Well, she couldn't handle it...leaving me to make a decision because of physical, and homicidal threats towards me and my family. I had to ask her to leave my home after she pulled out a knife on me, while holding my infant child and tried to stab me.

Then, threatened that If she had to leave she was just going to go and kill herself because she said, that I didn't love her, which was far from the truth. The very fact that she was a danger to my family really made me angry to where I said, the very words that til this day I regret and will never forget. " I said, don't you ever threaten me or my family ever again and if you want to kill yourself I told her go ahead and kill yourself just don't do it here in my home, because I don't care anymore." Two month's later, I received a phone call...in regards to my mother that she was dead, by course of suicide.

She felt so bad about what I told her that she being diabetic injected herself with a bottle of insulin killing her. Making me feel worse was the hurtful suicide note she left especially for me. She indicated and hoped that I was happy now that she was gone, thanking me and accusing me that her suicide was all my fault. Can you even imagine how I felt, reading this letter and then blaming myself for so many years and believing that I killed her with my hurtful words.

"Yeah, Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but words will never hurt me, is the biggest lie...Words do hurt, and maybe some can say this and not be bothered by it but eventually hurtful words do build up in us mentally and emotionally, eventually if heard enough you will crack. It's called being human" by Monica Ortega

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  • monicaortegamon profile image
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    monicaortegamon 5 years ago from Ontario, california

    Thank it's been a rough road but I just keep getting up dusting myself on and continue walking this road of life. Thank you for the encouraging words, God bless you, too...Monica

  • schoolgirlforreal profile image

    schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

    I'm so sorry about this , Monica. Monica is a saint's name of a woman who prayed I think it was over 20 years before her son left his evil ways and turned back to God.

    I really hope you find peace and serenity knowing it was not your fault. It was not your fault. It was not your fault!

    Having a sick mother must have been extremely difficult and you showed tremendous love taking care of her so young.

    I think it can take many years to heal and one may never heal or prob won't completely but somehow for me, uniting my sufferings to Christ's passion (sorry don't want to be preachy, don't know your beliefs) helps me a great deal.

    After accepting Christ as my saviour in 2009, my life changed unimagineably for the better.

    Many blessings to you. Always, SGFR

  • monicaortegamon profile image
    Author

    monicaortegamon 5 years ago from Ontario, california

    I agree somewhat in what you are saying, but I don't believe it's not because we don't care for others' feelings. We are all pushed in some way or another at least more than once or more in our life times. Especially, with those closet to us such as family. People who really know us are always very willing to point out the truth's about us that we refuse to hear. Who we are at home is not who we are to the public society. I will be the first one to admit that I am not innocent of saying hurtful things to those closet to me. I believe it is because we expect more from our own families that when something is not done our way we tend to retaliate with hurtful words, words that can never be taken back...but can be fixed and mended to where harmony and compromise and understanding is being challenged through change. Hurt feelings are sometimes the hardest things to heal from because they can be forgiven but never forgotten, unfortunately the stigma of the unforgotten is naturally for some reason what we tend to keep apart of us. We all have our bad days but what's important is are we willing to learn from our mistakes...

  • monicaortegamon profile image
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    monicaortegamon 5 years ago from Ontario, california

    Thank you, Ruby and wewillmake, for your comment's we are never given anything that we cannot handle. Hurting words that have been said to us or that we have said to other's can be hard but it is up to us to make the choice on how to forgive ourselves and forgive others. Usually, hurting words come from hurting people. That's why I want to follow my dreams and goals of helping other's because we need each other and if I can help even just one person in all my lifetime then to me it was worth it. Monica.

  • noenhulk profile image

    noenhulk 5 years ago

    Words hurt our feelings... it is the most sensitive weapon of people who don't care of others feelings.

  • wewillmake profile image

    wewillmake 5 years ago from kerala-INDIA

    Ya i also agree with u.... Words hurt u more than anyone else pain in this world..

  • Ruby H Rose profile image

    Maree Michael Martin 5 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

    Yes, the mixed messages of an abusive childhood, leave many scars.

    As more of us become aware, we apply the help found out there. Then we are able to overcome our illnesses to this dis-ease. Somehow, I still believe, we are stronger for it. Your willingness to share, wide open, is a gift. Thank you.