They just didn't know me...
They just didn't know me...
By Monica Ortega
Many of you have read my articles and many of you know of my past of abuse and the reason why I have been so lost most my life. Many feelings come with the word confusion like anger, frustration, and anxiety and there are many more emotions that I am sure many of us can mention.
As a little girl I would runaway to place where no one could find me. I believe we all need a place in order to help cope or get some type of space, air, or breathing time…Growing up there was no hiding place other than in my head. There was one place I can remember well as a teenager and that was after all of the traumatic drama of my life kicked in; following a new era of traumatic drama not knowingly coming my way.
I would climb up onto the top of the roof of my house nobody would know of course; but there at night I would just gaze into the midnight blue for hours and go away to a safe place in my head. There, is where I would meditate and ask questions regarding why life turned out as it had for me, mom didn’t know neither did anyone else, they just didn’t know me.
I just could not understand why everything was so wrong and why my grade school teachers had told me how wonderful life is and was going to be. They just didn’t know me. I was scared not knowing who I was, I just didn’t know me. I grew up with nothing to attach to or identify with.
This was the first time I tried to commit suicide not even knowing what suicide meant only knowing that I was tired of life and that there was nothing for me to live for anymore at the age of fourteen years. This was the last year of school I had attended due to many emotional hardships and events of my life, I had to quit.
You’d think that someone would have noticed or had some concerns as to why a fourteen year child with a minimal education of up to grade six suddenly disappeared and dropped out; well nobody did, they just didn’t know me.
Can I ask you a question? Are you also one of those “they just didn’t know me” people too? Well, I would like to be the first to say that I’m sorry because if I were to have known years ago what I have learned and accomplished today; I would have seriously started writing articles a long, long time ago. Had I known how important it was to relate to others and let people into my space, my world and be useful in changing a life! I would have done so many years ago.
I care so much about sharing my world and helping others, I do not concern myself with what others think about my mental illnesses or what kind of reputation exposing myself in this way can do. Realize that life is not impossible to live and yes, it is harder work putting the pieces of the puzzle together than it is taking it apart.
I sit here thinking why did it take so long for someone to show me what love and compassion can do for a broken spirit, it’s because they just didn’t know me. You may be the key to embark on someone’s journey in life, so don’t be afraid to allow people into your world, you just may save a life.