This Life Is My Story.
In 2010, I decided to do all that I could to join the Army. I joined and completed basic training in 2011. I was honorably discharged by 2012. I had made no specific career or life plans upon my exiting the service. I was paying for a daily hotel room for rent in Memphis, Tn. And my finances were quickly dwindling to nonexistence. I caught a break, or a miracle, from God. My Dad offered to fly me to Boston to live with him in hopes of my steps leading toward a career and independence. I was honestly relieved to know that, instead of scraping money together to stay in nightly rental hotel rooms, I'd be in a house with family. I worked part time jobs while staying in Boston with my Dad. I also spent some time involved in a clinical trial study for depression and anxiety medications in hopes of getting control over mental issues.
My Mom flew me back to Memphis in late 2013 to live with her and get me back on my feet in any direction towards a career. My clinical trial period in Boston had ended without any further medication for depression or anxiety. Although my Mom tried to urge me in the right direction by actually BUYING me a car, I declined her gift. She began paying for me to get back on my medications for depression and anxiety. She began driving me to and from a part time job.
My suicide attempt by overdosing on anxiety medication was embarrassing and a huge disappointment. It led to my inpatient stay in treatment in Northern Mississippi. I received another break from whom I consider God. I was offered a stay at a 30 day intensive inpatient treatment center in Mississippi that sounded too good to be true over the telephone. I got health insurance through the Healthcare Marketplace a while back that would cover some of the stay at this new treatment center. Honestly, my Mom probably paid the majority of the cost and it was a rather expensive treatment center.
I had a memorable conversation with a remarkable individual on the long drive to the treatment center. I cannot remember his name, but the drive and conversation sticks out in my head as being very eye opening to the possibility that I am not the center of this universe. That possibility was and still is an uplifting and devastating one all at the same time.
Come What May!
I place importance on another other conversation, around that same time, that came during my initial phone call to interview for a spot just in order to be considered for entry into the treatment center. She gave me the warm and fuzzy feeling that she knew what was best for me at that time. I'm trying to convey that she sold me on the whole deal at that moment of talking on the phone to her about my life.
The treatment center was expensive and I hope that it was the right decision for me. Some folks might argue that I placed too high of a financial burden on my Mom by going to such an expensive treatment center. That's a fair argument and I can't disagree with the fact that my decisions placed too high of a financial burden and stress on my Mom. These two examples of memorable conversations are only just the beginning of what I consider to be a treasure chest of useful dialogues with people of high character and warm personalities.
It seems to me that the very people in life that are most at odds with me are usually the ones that I can learn the most useful life lessons from throughout our time. That same theory, as it applies to people, is also true when it comes to difficult situations that I loathe to go through, but end up benefiting most from at a later time.
Imagine a 140 lb. man and roughly 350 lb. man performing an obstacle together on a rope course. The obstacle calls for two men to form a bridge with their hands overhead and pressed together. The majority of their weight is distributed evenly at the top of their bridge above their heads with little room for error lest they collapse the bridge. The toughest part of this obstacle was that the two men formed the bridge with each man standing on a cable that ran parallel to the one directly across from the other man. The goal is for the two men to sustain their bridge while sidestepping from point A (a tree) to point B (another tree).
Many of the folks that I remember meeting at the center are still fresh in my mind today. But, I was meant to move on forward and from there I went to a more intensive, or secluded, if you will, outpatient program. This was another fresh start for me. I knew absolutely no one there and I still remember the good feeling that I got on my first day there when two of the others there came to greet me. I honestly don't know where these two individuals are today, but I hope that life is treating them well. And my time in this fresh start saw many other warm, friendly encounters with others on their way in this journey of life.
And God's Plans
I moved from there into a more suburban area of Mississippi and I immediately felt much more at home. It was during this period in my story that I recall there being one of the darkest that I can remember for a long time. The event caused me to take a much deeper and more critical look at myself from the inside out. I am better for getting through it with help from some very caring people in my life at the time. And after a short amount of time, I felt that it was time for me to move on in my journey. I tried very hard to stay solvent and afloat with no avail and my short fling of independence was soon coming to an end. God and family caught me once again during this fall.
I wound up in a very familiar place. It just so happened that God saw fit for me to return to my previous living arrangements for His purpose. I sit writing this in the midst of the very story as it unfolds before our eyes.