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Til' Heaven Do Us Part

Updated on June 1, 2013

Forever and a Day....

April 16th, 2013

On this day, I lost my mother, who had been battling breast cancer on and off for the past eight years. It has been rough, but I've been getting along better than what I originally thought. The process of seeing my mom deteriorate from such a strong woman to someone who could barely walk, no longer speak. and no longer feed herself was the hardest thing in the world to me. Now that I am thinking back on this particular day and the past few months, tears are being brought to my eyes. All she cared about was me and making sure that I graduate college. Even in her last days, weighing 109 lbs and barely breathing, she found time to sass me about my grades and how I was doing in a particular class, never once speaking about how much pain she was in or how uncomfortable she was. She was a beautiful person and spirit, who was there for me no matter how much of a rebel I was. I should have listened to her more and been more respectful, but I wasn't and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. This was due to my upbringing and the environment I lived in. I was brought up a spoiled brat and always getting everything I wanted. As I reached, my teenage years, I began to rebel against both of my parents. Nonetheless, despite my attitude, my mom stuck by my side. I never brought her Christmas presents, birthday presents, took her out to eat, or anything of such nature. I was selfish and only was looking out for myself. It wasn't until right before she died I brought her a purse and an entire outfit. She never lived to wear it... Sensibly, in the state that she was in, I broke down in tears in front of her and apologized for everything I ever did and said to her even how I treated her and begged for forgiveness. She looked at me shed a tear and said she forgived me and that my mom would be okay...

Forever in Heaven (A Poem)

Dear mother, dear mother

where are thou now ?

You have missed breakfast and lunch

Nowhere in the house to be found

Im getting scared no more games

Come out of your hiding place please

I know that things will remain the same

As long as you come play with me

Im making breakfast your favorite foods

I know you do enjoy

It'll brighten up your mood

And fill you with so much joy

The sunshine peaks through the window

And dad shows me his sad face

Realization has sunken in, once again

That you are in a better place

Forever in My Heart

Jackie Michelle Hicks

March 06, 1960 - April 16, 2013

Have you suffered from a painful loss from a loved one ?

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Suffering from a lost such as that of a parent is a painful and extremely difficult process to go through. I encourage anyone that is going through such a lost or a lost of anyone, should speak to family members about their feelings and the pain that they are suffering from. The best way to cope is to try to maintain a schedule of being active, instead of being alone and antisocial. This way you avoid becoming depressed and harming yourself or others. A week after losing my mother, I thought of suicide and even tried to stop eating. My family members stepped in immediately and saw to it that I didn't injure myself or others. They made sure that I ate, talked to me about my feelings, and that I stayed with someone each night after my mom's death. I hope this helps others to express who they are, what they have gone through,and what they are currently dealing with. Whether it is depression, a disease, or a dream, every voice counts.

The point of this hub was to express my feelings and emotions about my recent loss. I honestly do care and love my mother. I merely suggested that my actions and words may have showed otherwise and that I might have unintentionally previewed otherwise. I hope this helps others to share their stories about their incredible or hard lives. The creation process may be a difficult one, but with a little inspiration and motivation, it will be worth it in the end.

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    • LongTimeMother profile image

      LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

      Hey torrilynn. Your mother would want you to get on with your life and be the best you can possibly be. I'm pleased your family stepped in.

      Now you concentrate on your classes and your grades ... or we'll have to be the ones who sass you!!

      I'm glad you had the chance to tell your mother how you feel. Also glad to see you back here on HP. :)

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @LongTimeMother

      Thank you once again for your words and yes school is my top priority as of now. And Im more than glad to be back on hubpages

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      We all go through a time of regret after losing someone dear, i know i did. I thought of the many times when i didn't tell my mother that i loved her. In time only the good memories will surface. Thank you for sharing..Peace..

    • Sue Bailey profile image

      Susan Bailey 3 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

      Your mom sounds like she was a brave woman. I have had breast cancer too and I know sometimes I get frustrated and angry because of it. The experience has left me slightly bitter and without much patience. So your mom is to be commended for staying beautiful in spirit. I will strive to be more like her. I'm sorry for your loss.

    • janetwrites profile image

      Janet Giessl 3 years ago from Georgia country

      This made me really sad but I truly appreciate your openness to talk about the loss of your mother. I wish you a lot of strength to cope with that situation. But as you mentioned your family is with you. May your mother rest in peace.

    • janell93 profile image

      janell93 3 years ago

      This really touched my heart, Your mom Strong and wonderful mother you had. I myself, just lost a good friend of mines and I am still hurting from the lost but I know with Faith in my God I will get through this tough time. And as long as you keep your faith, God he will be there to keep you strong. Rest In Peace to your mom.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 3 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you so much for this. My Relationship with my mother... well. So I really appreciate others sharing theirs.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @Mhatter99 thanks for commenting and im glad you liked my story. It is helping me to cope to share how i feel with others.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @janell93 thanks for your kind words and im sorry for your loss as well. It has been hard but I will make due.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @janetwrites thanks for your kind words and sharing how i feel really does help to cope

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @SueBailey thank you for your kind words and i understand how painful breast cancer is and how bad the chemotherapy damages your body. Thanks for commenting.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @alwaysexploring thanks for your words and im glad that i am not the only one who feels a certain way in a sense i am not alone

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      She loved you no matter what, and that is the epitome of love at its finest. You will learn, grow, and raise your own children. And you will remember. You will become your mother's daughter, as that is what you knew, and you will pass it on. It is the best way to repay her. I lost my mother when I was 22 to cancer, and she lives on within me.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @aviannovice i really do appreciate you telling me your story and helping me to be strong during this very difficult time, i know now that i can be strong and that she is always here with me in spirit.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was about your age, and I think I have a sense as to how difficult it can be--take care of yourself--it really does get easier with time---

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @AudreyHowitt thanks for the motivation and for the sound advice. :)

    • wildove5 profile image

      wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I.

      Thank you for sharing your very personal confession with us all and the bearing the grief of your loss publicly. I too understand the guilt of being a daughter and loosing my mother. My mother passed January 10, 2011 while I sat by her side. Mourning her never ceases but dealing with the pain does ease with time. It's made easier by the knowledge that she is never far away, she is in sunset that kisses the horizon and the feathers I find occasionally in my path! She wakes me in the morning with first glimmers of light, and twinkles in the stars as she kisses me goodnight! ( I think I just started my next poem.) Thank you! If you have time, stop by my page, I have written quite a bit about my mothers passing and have several poems dedicated to her! One more thing, be gentle to yourself!

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @wilddove5 thanks for your words, losing someone so close is never easy, but ive heard in time that you will learn to cope.

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 3 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      torrilynn, when you become a mother- and yes, it will happen- you will understand that mothers get it when their children demonstrate independence by rebelling and acting out. It's been said that we celebrate our child's first step and their first word, but the most important gift we can give our kids is their independence.

      No, this does not mean that we approve of everything they do. We merely celebrate our child's ability to choose for themselves, make mistakes and figure things out... because as Moms, we always know there will come a time when we are not able to be there for our beloved children and so they must become strong and experience life-- to claim it as their own.

      You are such a loving person, I cannot help believe your Mom knew how deeply you cared about her despite your lack of material gifts. Light and love, Barbara

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @Storytellerrus Im glad you liked my hub and thanks for commenting!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Being older and certainly not spoiled having 4 younger brothers I practically raised I never considered suicide but it was really hard losing my mother too. Actually that is what brought me to HubPages screaming for ever so long. I know it is hard with almost all of us because there is nothing in the world like a mother and you might be surprised even at the number of men here that would tell you the same. It is hard but what makes it bearable is the hope to see them again one day and I hope you have that comfort. Beautiful writing, thanks for sharing.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Such beautiful memories you have of your mum torrilynn, encompassed by the sweet and touching poem you have written and attributed to her. I'm sure she would be very proud at how mature you have become from what you've shared in your Hub article. Thank you.

      Warm Regards,

      R.Q.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 3 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Precious Lorrilynn, I am in awe of your heartfelt and transparent honesty dear woman. Your momma knew you loved her. She probably prayed for you many times and God answered her prayer. You came about and loved her, when you could. Sometimes we are not capable of loving like we need too. God understands and forgives you. Now you forgive you. God can use your testimony to help others remember and not take life for granted. We all fall short of the Glory of God girl. That is why Jesus came to forgive us so we could live. We do not know what tomorrow may bring. God will turn all this for the good.

      Your mom in heaven smiles on you sweet woman. U will see her in heaven sweet one. Don't be so hard on yourself. I lost both of my parents and so wish I could undo what I did not do. A parents love is like our Fathers. They love us still. I have shared this testimony of love precious one. May the Spirit of Christmas heal your wounds and bring you much joy. Each day is a day we need to give it our best ever. We can only love because God loved us first. He put love on our hearts. Go in peace sister. My Love, Skye

      Lovely work dear friend. Hugs your way. Voted shared

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @skye2day thank you for your kind words i understand now why my mom passed and how she is living in the sky with my grandpa. she was in pain here on Earth and now she is living pain free.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @RomeosQuill thank you for your kind words they are much appreciated!

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 3 years ago

      @JackieLynnley thank you for your kind words they mean a lot to me.

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