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Till Death Do We Part

Updated on July 10, 2017

These words that were said to my wife and I on January 9th,1981 are haunting me. My wife died last month and it is as if I will never lose this depression.

I have had many tell me that I need to allow another woman to comfort and love me. I feel as if God does not want me to seek another woman. So who is right? I think I will trust God.

I decided to look and find the title of this hub in the Bible. Nope, it's not there. Why would clergy say these lines towards the end of a marriage ceremony if they are not in the Bible?

I think I will trust God on this and allow Him to be my comforter.

Grandma

I meditate on the experiences of one of my elders. A woman who had a lot of influence on my life was my Grandma. My mother's mom is a very wise and strong woman. When it comes to death, I will take her word more than anyone elses.

Grandma and Grandpa had a lot of children. Grandpa was in World War 2 and farmed in Northern Iowa. I was just a small tyke when Grandpa had a heart problem and died. Grandma had 7 kids and crops in the field ready to be harvested. Farmers came from miles away to help harvest the crops. They asked for nothing and we saw God at work through people. Grandma never talked about Grandpa much, but you knew he never parted from her, nor she from him.

In my young teenage years, my uncle Doug was killed in a "freak" accident on a "Bobcat" on the farm. Just around 4 years later, my aunt Debby was killed when riding on the back of a motorcycle with her boyfriend and fell off hitting her head. Debby was the prior year's Homecoming Queen and was adored by many.

How did Grandma hold on? I don't know, but I do know that following her example will probably be my best bet. Grandma never let go of Grandpa. She is in her 90's now and never remarried.

An Excuse

Were those words put in marriage ceremonies to "get over on God"?

Now, I will never say never, but I will surely listen to God before any man.

Just a short time and I will be in my love's arms again.

No one will ever take Jonda's place. Only Jesus is able to give me what I need to get through each day. I will stand on Him and His promises.

I must thank God and also Grandma Tilton. Grandma, I love you and thank you for all you taught me. Your grief has helped my grief and I pray that my grief will help others.

With that I will leave you with the songs played at Debby's, Jonathan's and Jonda's funerals. As I think on each loved one we have lost, I also think of what we gained in knowing and being with each one. I am thinking with tears of joy about good times with each one.

Jonda, my dear, we will not part unless Heaven disappears which I don't see happening. I love and adore you.

It will be a glorious day when I see them all again!

For Debby Tilton

For Jonathan Boudonck

For Jonda Boudonck

© 2010 Greg Boudonck

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    • profile image

      revivor 

      7 years ago

      Hi Froggy - I think these are two separate issues. The wedding phrase is there to emphasise that until death (which parts us) we are to stay together. Whether we get richer, or ill, better or worse we are to stay together until death parts us: just a high, Godly aspiration in the vows.

      The second issue of remarriage/relationship is a different issue and I agree with others: take your time, mourn and breathe!! Another person will want you to be theirs and not a substitute!!

      PS My aunt remarried at 75 after a 20 year gap and has now been married 17 years!! They are both 92 and he was a childhood friend and now special companion in later years...be encouraged!!

    • Kristeen profile image

      Christine 

      7 years ago from Michigan

      Glad I was able to help! Death of a loved one is a very difficult thing which we all have to face at some time or other in our lives. Without God and His promises we are hopeless, but you have faith. You are blessed, and remember that God has a plan for your life. He will never leave you alone or forsaken. He will be right by your side. You remain in my prayers.

      In Him,

      Kristeen

    • Froggy213 profile imageAUTHOR

      Greg Boudonck 

      7 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      Thank you so much Kristeen; today is our 30 year anniversary. Your heartfelt comment has tears rolling down my face.

      My mind has been rolling like a video player of my life with Jonda. I hope these memories never fade.

    • Kristeen profile image

      Christine 

      7 years ago from Michigan

      Froggy213,

      I have never lost my spouse, but I have lost people very dear and close to me and my advice to you is - don't expect too much too soon. The death of a loved one leaves scars on our hearts. Scars do heal, but it takes time and they never go away. You will always cherish Jonda in your memory, but the day will come when your heart will heal and you will be able to move forward with your life again. When you reach that point you will know it. In the meantime, take whatever time you need to heal. Stay close to God and family. It is difficult to imagine right now, but before you know it you will be saying things like; "I can't believe it has already been a year, or 2 years or 5 years. Right now you feel like you are in a deep dark hole and life will never be happy again, but the day will come when you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Life will never be the same for you, but you will be able to feel happiness again. You will be able to again look forward to each new day. And that is what Jonda would want for you and all of your family members. And by all means keep writing. It is good therapy no matter what you are writing about. It keeps your mind busy and it helps to let go of those sad feelings. You are in my prayers.

      Kristeen

    • profile image

      Kimberly Dawn 

      7 years ago

      I agree with Happyboomernurse......Hang in there Greg! Love ya

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 

      7 years ago from South Carolina

      Froggy213,

      I pray that your faith will continue to show you the way through your grief. Each person must find their own way of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Your Grandma sounds like a very strong woman and a good role model. May you also find strength in her example.

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 

      7 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      Hi,

      My love and blessings to you at this time. I think it is probably far too soon for you to be thinking about another companion. It is a very old cliche, but 'time' is a great healer. Your strength and your faith will make each day easier to bear. And each day takes you a little closer to those you feel you have lost, but are infact not that far away. Bright Blessings.

    • amy jane profile image

      amy jane 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you during this difficult time. I think you are right, you should simply trust God to lead you.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      It's too soon to be thinking about 'another'. Honor her by being the best YOU there is. You have a lot of time and memories to work through before contemplating a new relationship. You may never find another woman who can fill that place, and that's ok too. I am learning death of a loved one is not an 'easy fix', and moving too fast will hurt both of you. So breath, remember, cry and smile. And yes, God is walking with you through this!

    • rachellrobinson profile image

      Rachel Woodruff 

      7 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      I think in your case, there is a story about how Swans mate for life. I read it in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. It talked about this older couple, when one passed on, the other felt like you did. I believe in some cases, when true love is involved, like with you and Jonda, you are swans, you mated for life, there is no need for you to look somewhere else for someone else.

      My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • buzz18 profile image

      buzz18 

      7 years ago

      you can let your wife go it is okay i have lost a lot of people in my life and i had to let them go so i can get rid of my depression i know what you are going through

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