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Toilet Seat - Up or Down and Other Pressing Issues

Updated on January 14, 2017
Ericdierker profile image

I have written for profit since 1974. I have college degrees. I have traveled the world. 4 children. I do not write for profit here.

Does it make any sense to dress little children without any sexuality different.

I don't know but having two kids of either gender it just seems natural. Blue and Pink.
I don't know but having two kids of either gender it just seems natural. Blue and Pink. | Source

Blame it all on my roots I showed up in boots and ruined your black tie affair.

Why the heck are they called "Black Tie" affairs instead of Beautiful Evening Gown affairs? For sure as you poop somehow squatting Women carry the day at well dressed gigs. Maybe a type of misogyny? Maybe just a carry over from when women were property of the man. But that does not explain Cleopatra and Queen Anne. I don't know but I bet Margaret Thatcher was stunning at "Black Tie" affairs. And what about Caroline Kennedy and soon to be first lady trump? And lets not get even started on Oscars going back 70 years. Princess Grace anyone. (we are leaving James Bond out of this picture.)

A fun fact - I have more shoes than my well dressed wife. Albeit some of my cowboy boots are 30 years old and she not with one pair over 2. Oh the attire of us humans. When did tribal women start covering their breasts. That is weird when juxtaposed against my man boobs.


Alright Toilet Seats and Car Seats

Now being quite the male and female house there are some things that carry over from one generation to another. Here it is the husbands job to maintain, clean, gas and open doors on the wife's automobile. Maybe chauvinistic. But it is somehow not just the husband's job to put the seat up closer to the wheel but he is a jerk for not doing so. That makes absolutely no sense. But he does it anyway as a courtesy and to avoid emotional conflict.

How many times have you heard about a woman complaining that a man does not put the toilet seat down? It is not just an anecdote it is just socially mandated that he does. And he is a bad man if he leaves it up. What kind of crap is that? (semi pun intended) Why is it that the man does not get to get all upset for the woman leaving it down? This publicly social attitude carries into a husband and wife's private poo poo room which should be as sacrosanct as the bedroom.

Sorry to tell you folks but two males live in this home. Dad made it abundantly clear early on that the minority woman does not have the right to be upset if the seat is up. Sometimes you just have to draw the line and anything else would be codependency. In this house the man cleans the toilet and adjusts any plumbing flow or plugged flow issues. The least the woman can do is adjust the seat to her minority held position. Perhaps a lesson for society -- perhaps not.

Alright this takes us to the next bathroom craziness. In any house and most public places the toilet is cleaned with sanitizing agents more than anything like a key board or desk top. In fact far more often than a man's tie. The first point is so clear. I have never ever met a tie that had been washed regularly. Doctors wear ties. That is insanity. You want a whole bushel of germs and viruses. Just kiss your doctor's tie.

I can tell you right now that you cringe at the idea of licking a toilet seat in your home. I would. But if given the choice between that and a coworkers computer key board or desk, the toilet seat wins every time. Did you know that you can drink your own sterile urine? Here is a fun one. A clear known fact is that the best way to clean your hands is some soap and rinsing them for at least 30 seconds. And here is the kicker. Most hospital auto flow faucets only stay on for 20 seconds.

A newspaper inner pages are more sterile than your steering wheel. Given about 20 days the human will adjust to temperatures between of about 63 to 82 without need for cooling or heating. It takes a healthy sea level dweller about 5 days to adjust to a mile high. Tetanus which most people get a shot to prevent, from rusty nails and the like does not grow above a mile high.

Friends in Low Places???

Me Worry?

Shoes, pajamas and "underwear".

Way less than 1/3 of the world thinks it is appropriate to wear your shoes indoors most of the time. If you think of it - why would you? Yuk! Along those lines, most Americans only go barefoot for about 1 hour of awake time each day. And we all know that is not good.

Fun story. A National Geographic writer had traveled the world investigating why certain clothes were worn in certain places. Clearly bathing suits and Arctic folks were obvious. But he came across an American Cowboy. The cowboy explained things like his "ten gallon hat" used to water his horse sometimes and to keep the harsh sun off. The bandanna for dust or cooling. The chaps for protection while riding through brush country and to avoid gouging by steer horns. The snaps on the shirt to avoid ripping and sewing on buttons. But the cowboy was wearing tennis shoes. When asked about the apparel he simply replied that it was so no one thought he was a truck driver. (if you get it good, if not I can explain)

Pajamas are interesting. If your house is heated or cooled to 72 degrees why would you wear pajamas? As we see now days - even in grocery stores young women often are wearing their comfy pajamas. OK that is fine -- but then why would we call them pajamas still?

The US fought a protracted military conflict in Southeast Asia which they pretty much lost. The most up to date military stuff was used. Huge fire power rained down on the enemy. Jets of all kinds, tanks of all kinds, bad ass helicopters were used along with amazing river boats. Guess what, the folks that beat the Americans wore pajamas into battle. Just saying.

Many males nowadays show off their "underwear", making it outerwear. Really trousers that sink below the butt crack line. We used to make fun of fat plumbers for that. But what I bet you do not know and I hope you have never been there to find out is where the fashion statement comes from. Prison. Yes. Many prisons and especially jails do not give prisoners the obvious weapon and hanging tool called the belt. And really most do not put you in a jumpsuit. (although that has changed mostly the prisoner still may wear his tied around the waste) No belt = pants dropping down. Strange is more reality than normal?

Most mourned Prince -- I mourned this great provider of love through music Israel "Iz" Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole. Wish I could have been there for his ocean celeb

Some folk really are there for us. Be his brother!

Let me just leave this with some thoughts that may only make sense to me.

Why does man insist we only learn from one great God or leader, instead of insisting that we learn from many?

Horrible names and labels and condemnation fire all around. Yet most believe in just variances of the same respect for each other?

Considering all blood,, my son is not the same race as I am. And more importantly I do not run the same race as my father and now my son runs a better race than I. This is the perfect evolution.

Why do we say that "we do not see eye to eye", perhaps it is just me but I look my wife in the eye when we disagree.

Are we really so ignorant that we consider oneness to mean physical contact.

Is it wrong to say my father "lives in my heart" even though he gave up the restriction of his body long ago as though it was an addiction.

Well anyway, peace and growth be upon you as I have much schooling today. Hard studying and paying attention as my six year old teaches me how to live.


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    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 7 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lawrence, that just sitting thing actually makes the most sense. Just the act of touching it to raise and lower is questionable.

      I think that we realize that it is really not a male female thing in the end ;-)

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 7 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Eric

      This hub brought a smile to my face! I live in a female dominated house, only problem is they're not too coherent when waking up, that means that there have been some 'disasters' with the Toilet seat when yours truly has left it in various positions and people have got up in the night to use it without checking 'the position'

      Let's put it this way, it really isn't worth my while to try and educate them to 'check first' so it 'stays down' if you know what I mean, and I just sit!

      Great laugh though

      Lawrence

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Since I wrote this my son and I are very conscious that we lift it up and put it down when done. For me when I sat down on the naked bowl. I had to go to counseling to deal with the trauma ;-)

    • bodylevive profile image

      BODYLEVIVE 8 months ago from Alabama, USA

      Oh boy! You're in for it. If the toilet seat is left down with pee all over it, that was me you heard and wondered what that loud scream was! The seat was left up and I went in the bathroom and sat on the naked commode, that was the murder you read about. Just kidding about all I said, great job!

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Oh I think you just reminded me of an experience where I learned what it meant when they say "colder than a well drillers ----.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Wow, that's mind boggling. I have a client who has a seat that warms.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori, what an "uplifting" comment. We have new toilet that gets rid of the slamming of the toilet seat and lid. Very cool with a tiny touch they go down slowly by themselves.

      When I was young we had 3 girls and 3 boys using one bathroom. We were close in age only nine years apart. Getting ready for school could mean 3 in the bathroom at once. For some reason I do not think it made us closer ;-)

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      OK, back again. Just want to send kudos to billybuc and lifegate for your courtesy to the women you love.

      Now let me bring up another angle to this. In my area a few businesses I frequent, and at one particular location for a twelve step meeting, they now have eliminated men's and women's separate bathrooms. They are single toilet bathrooms now open to both sexes. It's still private but I can't cope with walking into a former women's and now find tinkled seats or up seats. I will suffer rather than use them. I live in a rural area but we do have a market nearby who have the proper men's and women's. But town is 20 miles away. I have selected two businesses where I can visit comfortably.

      Women's rooms are now a sacred commode-ity full of angel soft products. Life all flushes out in the end. Thanks for writing this Charmin piece. It's a tidy bowl of controversy and an Ultra soft delicate topic. Great Scott, I'm on a double roll here. Take care Eric. Thanks for the laughs.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Livegate, since writing this I have noticed my son and I sit down most the time inside -- lazier I suppose. but we also have abundance outdoors so normally there. Just boys I suppose.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 8 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Coming from a home with four women, I learned to put the toilet seat down early. That's just how it is around here.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hi Dora, and special wishes for you on the day of celebration of the life of a truly great man, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (although I believe that is wrong it should be, Reverend at the beginning.) I just love the fact his middle name is Luther, after another of my favorite people. Instead of going to a parade my son and I will study about what he did.

      Dora, my mind just works to where I question accepted norms. Here is another I researched just this morning. For me the command was to brush my teeth AFTER EVERY MEAL. Turns out it is now thought better to brush before or at least an hour after. Something to do with acids.

      Thank you for your constant support of my writing.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 8 months ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, when I read the title I was surprised that the toilet seat issue made it onto the list of pressing issues. Having read the article and some of the comments, and without undermining all the serious opinions, I still find much humor in the discussion. Only you could generate this kind of serious humor.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mel, you are up late. I suppose that means I will not get my mail today. I like MLK day. He is a cool guy to take time to remember.

      A bet you thought I would miss your reference here to "Stand Up" comedy. When referencing man peeing I always like to say "he is a stand up guy". While jumping to conclusions is my favorite exercise, word play helps keep me in shape.

      Have a good one Mel.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Venkatachari, it is great to hear from you. Here is a fun reality. For part of my wife's and my childhood, we had outhouses to use. So there was no need to worry about raising or lowering anything. Common courtesy that is not absolutely required is a wonderful spice of life.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 8 months ago from San Diego California

      I know this is not the lesson I am supposed to take away from the sermon, that toilet seats are only metaphors for higher concepts, but how hard is it for the ladies to lower the gall dang toilet seat? It weighs almost nothing. You give it one little push and gravity does the rest. Probably won't get carpal tunnel doing it.

      You gave me some real good lols here. I want to see your stand up act at some Sprung Valley comedy club. Great stuff.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 8 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very interesting and amusing. Enjoyed this analysis of the basic life obligations that are inherent in our everyday life.

      I rarely use the elevated toilet in my house. And, whenever I see somebody peeing on the seat, I would complain to him to raise the rim before peeing and then put down the rim in its place. This should be a common sense for any man who cares for women. The other revelations you made are also wonderful and I got some good knowledge from it.

      Thanks for coming up with this fundamental topic of family life.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Here is a true funny one Linda. I sit like you in the dead of night. Dark. My son is just getting the up and down. Oh my - 240 lbs trying to extricate is not pretty. Not to mention the expletives would make a hardened convict blush.

      I like this area because we are all so private about it -- and yet all the same. Giggles abound.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Clive -- I am sure if you think on it we will be treated to your thoughts -- I hope so.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 8 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, you've got me laughing here. The 'up or down' issue was never an issue until I became of a certain age, and midnight trips to the potty became routine. Don't want to turn on the lights (for obvious reasons). So, get a nasty surprise, or know that the seat will be in its rightful position.

      As I explained to Mr. Carb -- "If God had meant for me to plant my butt in cold water, He would have made me a duck."

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 8 months ago from Nibiru

      Nice read Eric. I will have to think on these things

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      So funny

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 8 months ago from Maple City, Michigan

      Haha, Eric, I must admit to never having done that in a kayak. But I have nearly flipped a few times trying a different tactic.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori I am so embarrassed I had brain infarction and my 6 year old reaching to climb up on the roof when I wrote that. I really do know your name.

      I am thinking today about your characters and how they all have a path. You remind me that our paths are the right ones for us.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chris, I must confess that while I broker no punishment for deviation, 50 years of wives, mother, sisters, fiance's And it just goes down no matter what for me. Just as natural as breathing.

      Maybe you remember about little boys just learning stand up. A father's worst fear is when he hears the tinkle and the slamming of the seat at the same time!!! Generations are lost by such horrors.

      Let us keep the reality of enclosed kayaks to ourselves.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Eric you are so sweet to put my page out here. Just for the record, last name is Colbo. As for classy lady, in all good conscience I can't own that title. Those who know me well know me as weirdo

      , wisecracking and compassionate. I really loved this piece you've written. Laughter is good medicine and you made your reader's laugh.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 8 months ago from Maple City, Michigan

      Brilliant thoughts throughout, Eric. But are you nuts???? Attacking the sacrosanct principle of the down toilet seat? You are a brave man, but you must have nine lives like a cat. Anybody knows that two men living in the same house with one woman are still in the minority.

      IZ, loved his music and charm. Thanks for sharing the music and videos.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill we kind of have a system of trying to remember to adjust for each other.

      I opened the door to a local market, and held it open for this twenty something gal. She kind of looked at me, as though she did not know what to do. Being nice to people is not a duty but rather a privilege.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 8 months ago from Olympia, WA

      You definitely have friends in low places as long as I'm breathing. :) And the toilet seat? I only put it down because I love Bev. :) Happy Sunday my friend.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I have cleared my head. I came from a very medical type family. Dad a public health and surgeon type dude and mom a practical nurse and administrator. Nothing was taboo at our starched tablecloth and napkin dinner table. OK using the wrong cup or fork was bad.

      You would have been loved there. Making the "not talked about" into humor is so fun. And you are such a classy lady, you just slayed me with your comments.

      Oh my, for those who do not know this wonderful lady, she is http://hubpages.com/@lambservant I think Lori Colbello, correct me if I am wrong. But you can find her with this, and she is well worth finding.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Ha! The pun was unintentional. Glad you enjoyed it, though.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I am so sorry -- I will have to respond later as I am laughing just to darned hard at such a dignified lady stooping (get it) to my level. Out of breath.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      firstcookbooklady, I tried that once as a little girl, it didn't go very well. Just a warning.

      You are a funny, unique man, Eric.

      Okay, toilet seat up controversy - I raised four boys and a husband (yes, husband needed raising, however I failed and the marriage ended). In the very early days I often got up in the middle of the night to use the facilities and in my half asleep fog I fell in and though a Christian woman let out a loud expletive. When I could find the culprit they received my wrath. On the other hand, as you mentioned, sitting on a tinkled seat is a very serious infraction and the most distasteful breach of bathroom etiquette I can think of. I had one son who was particularly skilled at it. Here's my opinions, which are very compelling :). If the woman is in the minority, the etiquette is broken numerous times a day.Yes, she ought to know to look before being seated (and BTW, you ought to be vigilant if your boy is tinkling on the seat). But as a woman who was in the minority, I got tired of being so hyper vigilant, and in a hurry, or sleepy fog, it's easy to forget. It is not my preference for baptism. My other argument is courtesy and honor to the woman. Here's why I say that. The Bible says the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Christ is gracious and merciful and very honoring to women. Now lest you argue women must be submissive to their husbands, the Bible also says to be submissive to one another.

      Another thing is I can't stand to touch a toilet lid. It may not be a germy as a cell phone (I cringe at touching anyone's cell phone or keyboard) but the activities of the restroom are revolting.

      Lastly, I can't believe a refined lady like me is even engaging in this topic :). I guess I want to stick up for my female comrades.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Char it is so fun that you say that and I should not have left it out. Where I come from women peed very basically like men. Still do. Imagine on a White Water boat with miles to make before sundown. You are the captain and you need to pee. Well you danged sure do not moor to do so. Well you properly set your balance and pee off the boat. I heard women bragging of the length of their peeing.

      On the Alpine ski trail at 13 thousand feet no woman needs a commode. In fact in public in Europe you can often see the heads of those peeing outside, women included.

      Old men sit and pee. Young outdoors women stand to pee. Little girls sit to pee and so do little boys.

      Cracks me up to think of what is normal.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ain't life just grand John. These matters are not serious in our house. But we do keep a calendar up to make sure our BMs meet standards. That is a horrible problem leading to the #1 cause of cancer in men. So the notion should be laughed at but the reality is serious.

      I watched my six year old put the seat down and then pee on it. I asked him what the H... he was doing and he said he was sleepy and did not want to fall in.

      Actually made sense to me and I told him to wipe it off then. The more life is black and white the funnier it is.

    • firstcookbooklady profile image

      Char Milbrett 8 months ago from Minnesota

      Or, maybe we women should pee standing up and see how they like it... double Hee Hee Hee.. [I'm sure I could do it...

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 8 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This was great, Eric. One of the most unfair demands in society today is that the man must put down the toilet seat. We had three sons and one daughter so the household majority was male, but forget to put the toilet seat down just once and you heard about it. What I don't understand is that it is just as easy to lift the seat as put it down. If it is down there is a chance a lazy male child may not bother to lift it and pee on the seat. And I know that I always check to see if the seat is up or down before sitting down on it. My wife will complain that she sat down on a cold wet bowl because the seat was left up...I mean, who sits down on a toilet without looking first?

      You are also right about "seeing eye to eye".. You often only do that when arguing. I read that pants worn below the bum crack was also a sign in prison that you were available. I am sure if today's youth knew that they may go tighten their belts. Great job all up.

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      And I do, my friend. We laugh about me being an old man. I reckon life throws us funny curve balls that we either go with or go right ahead and feel ,,, well whatever they feel.

      XOXOX

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Have you ever thought about sitting down? Just askin' Hee..

    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I have never raised my hand to my young son but just might this coming year if he keep peeing on the seat. Forgive me Lord. Right now we go out on a significant hike. To a cross high on a mount. We just love the view. Excuse us for not getting all religious.

      A lady has one point but a gentleman's point is more likely to hit the pee ;-)

      I love you Ruby and sure love you visits. You be bad in my humble opine.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh, how I loved this. Your look at life is sooo easy to read. I never wondered about the cowboy and his hat, makes sense. But, please allow me to make this point----- If anyone pees on my commode seat and doesn't clean it up. they're in for a hard time, there's nothing so shocking to ' me ' butt than a cold wet seat. Now that I had my say, I'm on my way up to listen to the videos..BTW I've had some friends in low places and they turned out to be high on my list...Peace my friend...