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Winning Against Our Inner Resistance to Change

Updated on July 11, 2020
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long practically oriented student of effective emotional and attitudinal responses to the many challenges of life.

Image by Dana Tentis from Pixabay
Image by Dana Tentis from Pixabay

The "Home, Sweet Home" Syndrome

Remember the time when you spent a vacation at an unknown place, maybe liking it to the point of seeing yourself move there? But then you came home, and while opening the front door, a spontaneous sigh came out with "Home, sweet home!"

The next few days changed that feeling after you got those photos downloaded on your laptop, now going nostalgic over those scenes of your having a great time at that place. Now, looking around brings about those same stale feelings of "life between four walls" that you had prior to going on that trip.

Something similar is bound to happen after we read a good motivational book, or watch on You Tube that dude luring us into a resolution for a personality change. Almost in an instant we shift into a dream about our new model of personality that would generate a much more rewarding future for us.

As some of us may already know from experience, that enthusiasm is doomed to be short lived, because it doesn't take long before that "home, sweet home" syndrome kicks in, with a rough landing into the reality of ever powerful routine that we reluctantly call "our life".

That spoiler in us, felt at times as a bunch of sneaky demons calling for a good exorcist, even enforces that "home coming" with that well known mental truism of things appearing more precious to us if there is a threat of losing them.

And that crazy inspiration about an inner change really does feel like a threat to our comfort zone -- like a bulldozer revving in our front yard threatening to level our sweet home.

Funny, how most of us have cemented that inner fundament, even proud of our integrity to stay loyal to the image which we want to stay well recognizable in the crowd, while trips into unknown we keep reserved for those moments of daydreaming.

And yet, isn't it always this time around Christmas when something in us urges us to betray that image, as we dare to announce our new year's resolutions. After all, if those rather common human examples in motivational books could do it -- why can't we?

Really, why?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

All Under a Hypnotic Spell

During my army service I met a dude who was quite successful at hypnotizing people. With those black, thick, and arched eyebrows over rarely to be seen green mesmerizing eyes, he even looked a sort of devilish, which greatly aided him in his suggestive trickery.

Two of us instantly became friends. Young and crazy, we messed with some minds, making that prosaic army life -- of shooting imaginary enemies, blasting their covers, crawling in mud, and acting like self-less robots -- a little more interesting for us. Even though I knew quite a bit of theory about the amazing power of hypnosis, those days were filled with some valuable evidence.

One event especially stayed in my memory as spectacular, during our daily massive orderly gathering before dinner, all thousand or so of us in our formed units. The day before, my friend used hypnosis on a guy to help him quit his chain smoking and it instantly worked, since the fellow seemed to be a very good subject for hypnosis.

As the two of them were now standing side by side and the officer in charge commanded: "Attention!", my friend grabbed the guy's hand, lifted it over his head, and quietly told him: "You can't lower it down!"

His hand sticking over everybody's heads got noticed by the officer, who annoyed asked: "You, there, what do you want?!" -- The confused dude said: " Nothing, captain, sir, I just can't lower my hand". With the hypnotist's reputation well established, everybody seemed to get what had happened, and the "attention" posture turned into a mass laughter. One hand slap by the hypnotist stopped the show, as the guy regained his fully operational "free will".

Over the next few decades, and especially with more recent discoveries in neuroscience, my somewhat studious observation brought me certain mild intellectual shocks over realization how much everybody is operating from their hypnotically powerful beliefs.

Notably those never challenged beliefs about ourselves, with emotional base dating back to the first seven years of life, when our brains were constantly generating theta brain waves, known to be present during hypnosis.

The more I looked around at the world, the more I was seeing people under the hypnotic spell of their core beliefs, whether political, religious, those pertaining to psycho-physical survival, and particularly those responsible for limitations within their personality makeup.

Is there a way to snap out of that spell reducing our potential to a sad combination of traits, with that weak voice from our soul urging us from one new year's resolution to another to "do something"?

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Popular Illusion About Free Will

While everybody seems to be under impression that we are enjoying our "free will", and even our governments are deceiving us about our "freedoms" -- up to a different individual degree most folks are like puppets acting out their subconscious programs.

One philosopher put it nicely saying: "If a thrown pebble could think, it would believe that it is deciding where to fall".

Indeed, as our top neuroscientists are telling us these days, some 95% of all our mental processes are stemming from our subconscious, which happens to be ruled by our core beliefs -- I mean those which we can't override by just "changing our mind".

So, you may switch your convictions from a democrat to a republican, or from a catholic to a moslem, no matter how strong those convictions were before, but try to change that deep seated belief about your "being a victim of your dysfunctional family". Or, try to talk yourself out of a stage fright if your subconscious is still holding that memory of the whole class, including your secret little love, laughing at you when you blurted out something crazy.

If your overprotective mom happened to be constantly panicking over your "fragile health", you are bound to visit many doctors in your adulthood, because your body is bound to obey that verdict of a fragile health. Today, geneticists made it clear that our genes are obeying our dominant beliefs, especially those charged with emotions -- making us either healthy or sick, happy or miserable, brave or mousy.

Now, let's see what we could do to change that situation.

The fact that it has been done time and time again by some very common folks without any spectacular willpower or intelligence -- should at least convince us that it's not an outlandish task.

But we do need some basic intelligence to understand how there is no hocus-pocus magic that will do it, but we'll have to invest a little time and a gentle effort for the change to happen. After all, it has taken us many years of reaffirming our negative beliefs to become this way -- although, depending on our willingness to change, we can make the change happen in much shorter time.

Image by Rondell Melling from Pixabay
Image by Rondell Melling from Pixabay

Some Simple Guiding Pointers

O.K., it's time to go a little creative about what we would like to become. We have to impress our subconscious with a new blueprint, before it gains the power of a new belief about it being possible and doable.

That new image has to be specific, not vague. Also, as you are making a little list of your new qualities, don't write: "I want to be..." -- but rather: "I see myself as..., and I can feel it."

You see, it's funny how subconscious works. It will use the verb "want" as something that, with practice, you should become proficient at. Meaning that it will make you more proficient at "wanting". But, when you say it as if it's already accomplished, it will tend to "fill in blanks" between the status quo and the accomplishment.

By reading that list daily you are preparing the terrain for the desired change. The magic trick is in something opposite from what people usually do. Namely, don't read it with a desire to become that. When you desire something, you are affirming that you don't have it yet. And that desire is just another word for impatience. Impatience which creates inner conflict, and your strategy is to "allow" the change to happen, not to "force" it upon yourself.

So read it with the feeling of gratitude for having it, otherwise it will feel as merely a wishful thinking. Imagine how it would feel if you already had it -- that's the way to make it real to your subconscious, since it has no ability to discriminate between the real and the imagined when it's coupled with feelings.

Then comes the next, and final step, consisting of some out-of-habitual mental or physical acts. When you think logically about the whole project of personal change, your subconscious simply has to get impressed with your taking trips into that terra incognita, or in plain English -- trips into the unknown, strange to your nature. It has to start making allowances for your deviations from the internal program.

Some simple symbolic acts of that will go a long way.

So, prepare yourself a little list consisting of the following things to practice:

1) Brush your teeth using the "other" hand. Let it feel awkward, but don't worry, you won't stab yourself with your toothbrush.

2) Smile when alone for no reason at all. I won't elaborate much, just trust me, that act changes the whole inner computation of thinking and feeling, and with practice it invites positive thoughts.

3) One big part of hypnotic self-reprogramming is in the element of confusing yourself, which in effect means derailing your automatic train of thoughts. So, think of a person whom you dislike, and then imagine them in such an awful situation that you feel sorry for them. And I mean a really terrible situation which you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy.

4) During the day, go to your washroom and flush the toilet without using it. This is to further impress your subconscious mind with your ability to act upon your free will, not upon what may appear as "obvious", "appropriate", in other word -- "programmed".

5) Look at your image in the mirror, and whisper to your face the Hawaiian ho'oponopono chant: "I love you -- I am sorry -- please, forgive me -- thank you".

In language of heart, these are the deepest expressions, and by repeating them to yourself for a few minutes, you are forging the connection between your conscious intentions and your subconscious mind.

O.K., this has been my personally designed technique that worked for me at times when I wanted to manifest changes in my own personality. Remember, the whole approach has to be friendly, not authoritative. You won't get far by trying to coerce your nature into a change -- but friendliness will go a long way.

I hope you may find some inspirational and guiding points in this post. All the best to you!

© 2019 Val Karas

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    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Val Karas 

      15 months ago from Canada

      DREAM ON -- My fascination with mind and its potential started at my age of ten, when I read my first book in psychology -- followed by more than thousand others in some dozen different approaches to human nature.

      After all that, I humbly admit that my own questions about it might be smarter than the answers I may have. But, exploring my own mind and heart remains a passion.

      Someone half-jokingly said: "We keep learning all our life, and then we die pretty ignorant." To me, it's the process of learning, not the final product that matters.

      All the best to you, my friend.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      15 months ago

      I simply love your story of the soldier and did he and you get in big trouble? There are so many things that we think we know and then when we find out there is so much more we can still learn. If you have any other stories I would love to hear them? Our minds are incredible and they always surprise me. How we can know something that happened forty years ago like yesterday and how we can forget yesterday like it was forty years ago. Thank you so much for sharing and caring. Have a lovely day.

    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Val Karas 

      15 months ago from Canada

      Brenda -- Merry Christmas to you, my friend, and I wish you the next year filled with magic, which will be just a reflection of your romantic and poetic heart.

      And thank you for the nice comment, I am happy you liked the article.

    • Aliswell profile image

      Allen Edwards 

      15 months ago from Iowa

      Val..I also send to you, my positive thoughts of you and your family experiencing the joy of this holiday season!

    • Brenda Arledge profile image

      BRENDA ARLEDGE 

      15 months ago from Washington Court House

      Val,

      I just adore this article.

      I could picture the guy with his hand over his head...and everyone laughing when the officer was there.

      It is so that we get used to home sweet home we linger for it. My mother can only be on vacation for a few days before she is ready to return home.

      I love your ideas on changing one's mindset. Especially training by doing odd things like flushing the toilet, brushing teeth with other hand, etc.

      Looking into the mirror and stating affirmations outloud.. this is great.

      Our minds can and do manifest what we think.

      Great write.

      Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Val Karas 

      15 months ago from Canada

      Allen -- You and your comments make this writing a pleasure, my friend.

      Merry Christmas, if I don't hear from you before!

    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Val Karas 

      15 months ago from Canada

      Charlie -- By themselves, no articles are inspirational -- it takes someone on their path to self-improvement to turn words into blessings. Thank you for being one of them.

    • Aliswell profile image

      Allen Edwards 

      15 months ago from Iowa

      Val..Thank you! I needed this one!

    • drylen profile image

      Charlie Halliday 

      15 months ago from Scotland

      Great article Val. Gave me a lot of food for thought for my journey of self development.

      Sometimes just a simple change of the vocabulary we use in self talk can make a big difference.

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