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True or False ? The Laws of Attraction

Updated on October 4, 2011

Laws of attraction

           The old wives tale states that opposites attract, science states that attraction is a result of pheromones, and certain psychology studies have shown a predisposition for facial features in attraction. What is the truth? The truth may be all and sometimes none of these things are true. I am sure some people feel like they are on the never ending Easter egg hunt for that elusive thing called love. Lets explore the options for attraction.


            Lets start with the pros of opposites attract relationship. We see it all the time; people who are extreme opposites connect and seem to make a life together even though they are so different. These combinations create an intellectual combination that stimulates learning for both parties. One person may be an artist where the other person is an accountant. The range of learning and growing for each person is great in these relationships. Each person has a unique skill set to bring to the table. These people are individuals in a relationship as they are likely to have very different views on certain issues, although over time they may learn from one another and reach a happy medium.

            People in opposites relationships may have chosen their respective other because they admire qualities that they do not possess. This is not a bad thing. In an opposites relationship roles are more clearly defined because, each person has a higher skill level at specific tasks. These tasks may include financial planning, home care, vehicle maintenance, or even organization.

            The cons of this relationship are the same as the pros, with both people bringing a unique skill set, conflict is probably a given.  Let us take finances as an example; one person may be a saver while the other person is a spender. This can lead to arguments over money allocation. As long as these are disagreements and not fights this relationship has the potential to grow and continue.


            Personally I cannot vouch for pheramones as being an attracting factor because I have allergies (spending a lot of the time stuffed up). According to Grammer and Fink (2005), even though its obvious pheramones have some effect on people, the jury is still out on whether or not pheromones are responsible for attracting people into an actual relationship. There is probably something to the idea that we are secreting pheromones that the oposite sex senses.  Obviously few of us would be attracted to someone who smells bad.

            Pheromones aside physical attraction can only get a person so far. Think back to high school when everyone liked the cute guy. He was usually a jerk or an air head, yet girls would go out of their way to bump into him or sit next to him. I watched this go on with a sort of abject irritation for my own gender. Since then I have found that the longest “Cute” ever got anyone was 30 years of missery (not that all good looking people are jerks). If a person cannot get past the handsome factor, chances are good they are in a relationship that was shallowly based and will not last.

            Obviously we cannot base entire relationships on Pheramones. The initial attraction to a person may be enough to bring the right people together. I think that true relationship building tends to happen naturally in settings where people are thrown together. College classess, committees, employment, and clubs are natural ground for meeting and getting to know people. These relationships build slowly and have a foundation.


            Can two people who are allike survive in a relationship together? Of course they can. Any two people can make a relationship work if they are determined to do so. People who have the same interests and same moral background can have a very serene relationship. They tend to have the same interests and do the same things as hobbies. They may even have the career paths and be competetive with each other in their field.

            The down side is that these people may find themselves always together and this can be smothering to the relationship. Every relationship needs room to grow. These people may need to develop new interests away from each other to keep things going. There is also the possibility that these people want to have the all consuming constantly together relationship, and as long as they both feel that way, go for it.


            Most couples will fall somewhere in between the opposites and the birds of a feather. You may have some things in common and some things that are opposite. The variations are not usually as stark as one would think. Getting to know a person happens over a lifetime not in a few minutes at dinner and certainly not from an online survey.  Trial and error occurs. Sometimes we become a casualty of someone elses learning curve. While this is never easy, we learn as well.


            Finding a good person to spend your life with is not an easy task and it doesn’t happen by our time line. The best advice I can give is that a person should never talk themselves into a relationship. In other words if you have to analyze your decisions then you are probably not making the right decision regardless of pheromones. The greatest law of attraction is that there is no law that covers every person or situation. 


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