ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Truth And Narcissists

Updated on April 7, 2018
SinDelle profile image

The Little Shaman is a spiritual counselor, hypnotherapist, and a specialist in Cluster B personality disorders.

Narcissistic people have a different relationship with the truth than most people. For most narcissistic people, the truth is whatever they feel it is. For pathologically narcissistic persons, feelings are often understood as facts. They are considered truths, rather than just as feelings which are neither right or wrong. Because of this, the truth of the narcissist often changes with their mood. This is why they can seem so sincere about something and then an hour or a day or a week later, the situation is totally different. They may have meant it at the time, but when their feelings change, so does their perception. Things that seemed good are now perceived as bad, and vice versa.

This is often interpreted by people around the narcissist as lies and dishonesty, but in reality it's that their truth is not consistent. That's not to say that narcissistic people never tell blatant lies. They do, and it's pretty common. But they also have a very flexible relationship with the truth, even when they aren't intentionally lying. The truth changes frequently for them and often it seems to be whatever is most believable for them at the time, depending on how they feel. For example, when they are angry or upset, it is easier to believe bad or negative things - because these things validate their feelings, and their feelings validate these things. When they are not angry or upset, it is easier to believe good or positive things - again, because these things validate their feelings and their feelings validate these things.

This can be very hard for people who are not narcissistic to understand or deal with. For most people, the truth is not all that flexible. It is generally fact-based and does not change because someone's feelings do. For instance, most of us have reasons we don't trust someone. We can cite things they have done that have caused us not to trust them. Maybe they have been caught in a lie, or have been proven to have stolen something of ours. Because of this, we have determined based on facts that they are not someone we are choosing to trust. And that's usually how it stays. We don't trust this person implicitly one day but then suspect them of all manner of dastardly deeds and soulless motives because we suddenly feel insecure about ourselves the next day. This is illogical and unreasonable, but it is the way the pathologically narcissist's mind works.

It can be extremely frustrating to deal with someone who insists that their feelings are facts. "I feel your motive is bad and therefore it is!" is impossible to counter. It's illogical and as such, logic and reason don't work against it. People are confused by the accusations and upset that their character is being called into question this way - especially for no reason. This is also be doubly confusing when it's someone who just yesterday told you that you are the best thing that ever happened to them. One day they love their job. The next day it is the worst job they ever had. One day they hate peanut butter and always have. Next week they like peanut butter and don't know why you think they don't like it.

Dealing with the narcissist's version of the truth is not just frustrating, though. It leaves people unanchored, with no security and no safety. How can you believe anything that comes from someone whose truth changes with the weather? How can you build anything, do anything or plan anything with someone who could at any minute decide they never meant any of it and simply abandon everything - including you? How can you ever have any peace in a situation like that?

It's simple. You can't. You can't be a family with or a partner to someone who does not understand what truth and honesty really are, and whose feelings are so unregulated. It's further complicated by the fact that many narcissistic people also lie intentionally as well, sometimes continually. It can be maddening trying to figure out which is which or what is what. But the truth - the real truth - is that it doesn't really matter. It helps with understanding why this behavior happens, but in practical terms, regardless of whether it's an intentional lie or a temporary truth, you can't believe it either way. You can't trust it and you can't build on it. If someone cannot foster security and safety with honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no relationship.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)