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A "Hunter's Gene"?
For quite a percentage of men we could say one thing to be true: when it's about cheating, there are not those who would, and those who wouldn't --- but rather those who are willing to admit that they would, and those who are not.
There is something in man's genome left over from those times when he lived in a cave as a hunter and women reared their offspring. Until relatively recent times, that arrangement was pretty much followed, with a difference that hunter changed his name into "breadwinner", and woman into "housewife".
The need for an additional family income, coupled with woman's liberation and her new role in society changed much of it --- except for that unfortunate "hunter's gene" which didn't seem to care much about that new set of rules. The only apparent difference being that hunting a baby dinosaur has been upgraded to hunting a woman --- in all obvious, subtle, and imaginary forms possible.
It's only man's moral, and by character imposed inhibitions that keep his marital sins at bay of imagination --- not as a rule, of course, and still true, with a large number of males in this tempting world for whom no holy book convincing enough has been written yet.
When Love Boils Down to Sex
What's so peculiar about husbands is this fact that most of them truly love their wives, but that devil of the hunter's gene just won't let them stay at that. Well, I am certainly not the first one to tell you how sex is one of those strong factors in people getting married, and it certainly has its place in the equation.
Now, not that I would go with the above statement as far as Freud probably would, because couples do also marry for more dignifying reasons than that. There is so much more to "love", even in man's version of it. Besides, if sex was all that significant, then hookers would make for some of the best brides.
Nevertheless, somewhere down the road on the way from the church, and some time after those empty cans have stopped rattling under that proud sign Just Married --- those bedroom matters may start taking an unfortunate turn for the horny once-hopeful groom.
A number of things could happen leading to his misery, which may precede the awakening of that gene to make him possibly a bona fide married Casanova.
Now, it's not that men with a pronounced hunter's gene mistake sex for love. But to them, sex is like having a gourmet meal, a matter of a bodily pleasure, not a part of love --- so they don't feel like they betray love by having that meal in "another restaurant".
And while such a crazy dude may see that love includes sex, it doesn't seem true the other way around. So he may even say to that "chef of another restaurant" that he loves his wife, and mean it --- and it won't spoil their "dinner together" one bit. Crazy dude, like I said, but something in his nature makes it O.K. for him.
Cold Feet Don't Get Far
Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all, the love of his life develops what has been coined as "cold feet". Now, not that he forgot to brush his teeth or to apply some deodorant. It could be anything hormonal on her part, or otherwise having to do with health. Women are known to go a little funny at least once every month; and with some of them that time may stretch just enough to inspire some devious ideas in a hubby with loose brakes.
It could also be about the appearance of a baby in their life, or even starting already at pregnancy, that she is all into her upcoming role of a mother, so hubby takes the second place in her heart. Again, likely to be an exception rather than a rule, as it's much more common that babies will forge and upgrade couples' love for each other.
Then there are other possible reasons for her feet going cold. Like, when she secretly goes rebellious over his being too tolerant about his mother sticking her nose too much into their life. Well, she may not have his muscles to fight, but she can develop those proverbial "bedroom headaches" to beat him.
However, that strategy may backfire quite miserably, as our sexually frustrated Casanova is already checking out those easy-looking female co-workers.
Time to Re-Think the Marriage?
Let's face it, some guys simply shouldn't marry ---period. Or at least until they gain some more respect for women, while also losing respect for their sexual whims. Many of them, now grown up versions of their being spoiled by overly permissive mommy, feel "entitled" to fool around without any guilt over it whatsoever.
Yet, others may be in an unconscious rebellion against their mothers, now projecting it onto their wives and out of a revenge going unfaithful. It's amazing how many men bring into marriage their unresolved emotional issues. Not that the same couldn't be said about wives, but their style of revenge doesn't usually involve promiscuous adventures.
Let us not forget those "pretty faces" who usually get married just to have a steady admirer, while feeling like some sort of Greek gods, in front of whom every woman must fall on her religious knees.
Of a similar kind is that macho type, tough and insecure dude who needs a steady flow of proofs for his advertised manliness from more than one woman. As it usually happens, his wife stops "showing respect" quite early in marriage and develops a mouth that matches his musculature --- so he needs someone new to respect his macho antics.
But not to worry, there is that divorced neighbor already glancing him and sending him signals over that lawn fence that's so easy for a macho like him to jump over --- a moral fence not looking like an obstacle either.
Of Lovers and Roosters
Bringing back into picture that unfortunate hunter's gene, let us remind ourselves that in some men's nature it's not about possessing, but rather conquering what makes their blood hot. So, when marriage starts being too much of a routine to their taste, it's time for them to get some new hunter's trophies.
The motive for cheating may range from a most primitive to a most subtle and even unconscious one. He just has that need to "spice it up" a bit, not even seeing much of a sin in a little help from the side.
There was this funny but allegedly true anecdote involving a US President and his First Lady, which is addressing this issue of man's need to have a "refreshment" in bedroom.
As the story went, the First Couple was visiting a farm, and at one moment while the First Lady was alone with the farmer, a rooster in front of them started humping one after another those lucky hens. They laughed, and the First Lady still in a jolly mood quietly said to the farmer: "Maybe this rooster could teach my husband a secret or two".
The President, being close enough to have overheard it, said quietly to the farmer, while jokingly pretending not to notice the presence of his wife: "I think I got the secret of this rooster: it's not doing it with the same hen."
Now, now, typical of a man, isn't it --- and I am far from condoning it, but who am I to debunk a president's theory.
The Idiocy of Infatuation
Being a man myself, also married to the same woman for 52 years ---with no "rooster syndrome" by the way --- I am among the last ones who would agree with either that hunter's gene or anything else what makes men go crazy enough to explore opportunities outside the wedlock. I will accept a possible humorous remark: "Man, you don't know what you've been missing", because I have heard it a few times already.
Woman's beauty is to be admired, and in a contrast to my saintly boasting above --- I am the first one who will admire it. What will certainly miss from that equation will be the possessiveness part.
Having said that, I hope I haven't shown any smallest sign of approving husbands' cheating. On the other hand, neither would I join some of female readers in their calling such husbands all kinds of names.
If there was such a harsh tendency in me, I would certainly save it for the following and the last on my list of cheaters. Namely, those crazy idiots who allow themselves to get infatuated with another woman, deserting their families while traumatizing their kids in the process.
A drinking dude may get carried away not knowing when to stop until he is completely wasted. But a "one night stand", as degrading as it is by itself --- should stop at that night.
I spent a number of years working in industrial environment, and I had this unpleasant opportunity to witness a couple of such cases where married men with kids lost their heads over a female co-worker whom I didn't even see as particularly attractive, let alone a candidate for an infatuation. But, well, as they keep saying: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
I would call that a "psychotic version of love", because there is no brain just genitals thinking. One of those mentioned idiots was taken back by his heart-broken wife, probably for sake of kids. Another one was not so lucky after the adventure was over. Despised by the whole family he ended up an alcoholic, lost his job, and that was the last I heard of him.
A Little of Woman's Intuition May Do the Trick
With these preceding cases, which, by the way, had no ambition to cover all variety of cheaters, I tried to point at some of the reasons men cheat. Every time I write about any aspect of the "human condition", I hope to have left, if only between lines a message that might give a hint about things to be avoided or improved.
This article was not an exception. Even though I didn't devote much time to explaining any preventative steps to be taken, any woman with a good intuition could have figured out that man's nature is a little tricky. Then she might as well come up with a trick or two in order to prevent her man from falling a victim to his adventurism propelled by too much free testosterone in blood.
Someone said that "man is woman's first child", and I am old enough to agree with that without losing anything from my "male pride". Women mature first, and their maternal instinct is something unmatchable in man's nature.
With that maturity and steadiness in heart, any female reader of this article could think for herself what would work best for their particular man --- other than a few drops of arsenic in his coffee. Mine obviously figured it out pretty well; even though I'd like to take some minor credit for that with my general mindset.