Down

It’s so hard to love yourself and love someone else at the same time. Being with someone who you love and they say that they love you too can be an amazing thing. But at times it can be exhausting from everything you have to do.

Especially when living with someone, I find it hard to always be upbeat. Having to take care of household duties and then fulfill wifely duties is exhausting. Especially when it comes to sex.

There are days where I just want to curl up into a ball and cry for a while but at the same time I know I can’t do that. I have to clean this or cook that meal or go to work or find a job. Then after everything is done for the day and it’s time for bed, I just want to sleep. But you want something else and maybe earlier in the day I seemed like I would be in the mood when the time came. Then I lay down and think of everything the next day brings it about how I hate my body and I become disinterested in sex.

And you just don’t seem to understand the amount of things I have going through my mind when I say no not tonight. Or even when I try to explain to you how I’m feeling and I can see your expression become flat and your eyes glaze over. It sucks that a normal duty of a wife is to please the husband. Sexually and otherwise.

Its exhausting and I don’t know how much longer I can last feeling like this.

But at least the house gets clean and dinner gets made, right?

Goodnight

- Violetta