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Visualize Your Way to Confidence
Over the years, visualization has been given a bad rap. The reason for this is because most people who try to visualise are simply doing it all wrong. Normally, when it doesn’t work, what these people tend to do is blame the visualization when in fact the fault is the method they are using.
The first thing people need to understand when it comes to visualization is that it is taught in many different ways, and most of them do not work. In this article, I’m going to share with you the method of visualization that does work and works powerfully well. It is the easiest way I know of that can very quickly help you develop your self-confidence.
Why this Way Works
Before we dive headfirst into the method, I want to discuss why this method of visualization works so well. The more you understand the process, the easier it will be to use.
Generally, our minds are developed in a way that stops it from telling the difference between a real experience and one that is imagined, and this is the key fact you must remember when using this technique.
Some of you are probably denying this fact right now, and that’s alright, most of us take time to fully believe certain things. However, if you have few minutes to spare, allow me to convince you of this fact.
I’m sure most of you have watched a movie that has scared the living bejeebers out of you. Or even one that has made you sad, or excited, or maybe even caused you to shed a few tears. C’mon, be honest…you’ve all sat through a movie, either balling your eyes out, honking into tissues, or screaming when the “boogeyman” jumps out from behind the couch…Of course, you have, we all have watched a movie that has caused us to feel strong emotions. Well, guess what? You have just convinced yourself that your mind cannot tell the difference between what you’re experiencing is real or an imagined event.
Throughout the entire movie, you had always known that the characters were fictional, that the plot wasn’t real, and that when the actors were terrified enough to almost seem as if they were jumping out of their skin, they actually had an entire camera crew hot on their heels, shooting the scary scene. It was just great acting (well, some movies contain great acting…others are so terrible, it’s a wonder any of us live to tell the story) and special effects. However, what we don’t realize is that after only watching the movie for a few minutes, as we are sucked into the movie, our minds begin to struggle between whether what we are seeing is real or make-believe. It doesn’t matter that you know on a deep level that everything you are witnessing is choreographed and acted out ahead of time, you still feel scared or sad or excited, and this is exactly what the directors and producers of the movie wanted you to feel.
Still not fully convinced? No problem. Here’s another example which I’m sure will satisfy your suspicion.
You’re all alone in your house at night. The lights are out. There’s no one there but you, and you’re so sure of this until…you hear the sound of footsteps coming from the other end of the house. And while you are a bit freaked out because goddamn it, you thought you were alone, you gather your courage to go and investigate who’s walking through your house.
As you’re walking towards the direction of where you’re sure the footsteps were coming from, someone suddenly jumps out of nowhere, right in front of you and screams: AAAHHHHHH!
You, of course, get the living daylights scared out of you! Your heart skips a beat, you gasp for air and scream at the top of your lungs, only to discover, a few seconds later that the other person is your best friend who decided it would be so funny to pull a prank on you! Never mind that you almost died of a heart attack and that you soiled your pants, this guy thinks it’s hilarious and you…
Hmm, I’m sorry, I went off track there for a moment. Where was I?
Let’s dissect what I’ve just said, shall we? I mean the prank not what could have been in your pants.
Was there a murderer in your house? Nope, there wasn’t. Was there ever any real danger to you? Nope, there wasn’t. And these are the facts; these are what are real.
Yes, you got scared. Yes, you almost soiled yourself. Yes, you probably did fear for your life because your mind believed there was a murderer or whatever in your house. Your mind imagined there was a possible danger. As a result, you felt strong emotions which caused changes in your physical body – your heart rate and breathing, perspiration, muscles tightening…
You see, similar things happen to you when you’re watching a scary movie. You experience physical changes in your body while watching certain types of movies even though you know all along that it is only a movie.
So that brings us to a key point you need to remember when learning my method of visualization:
The mind will always control the body and not the other way around
So, I’m now certain after reading the two above examples you’re starting to get the idea of what I mean when I say that your mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what isn’t. Essentially, if you can imagine something with great detail and precision, then you are able to get your mind to start believing it to be real.
Theory or Verification
Now, you’re probably asking, ‘well how the hell can I use this to develop confidence?’ And the answer to that my impatient little friend is by simply deceiving your mind into thinking that you are extremely confident in every aspect of your life.
Allow me to make it clear right now that this method is not based on mere assumptions or just a theory, so don’t concern yourself with all that nonsense. This method has been tired, tested, and proven many times. It is well known that not only will a repetitious imagined experience produce results as successfully as a repeated real experience, but an experience that is imagined will, in actual fact, produce significantly better results than the real experience.
This fact has been proven numerous times through extensive research involving diverse groups of athletes and other test groups. Athletes were placed into separate groups; Group A was told to perform the real practice sessions for a few hours per week while the second group, Group B were instructed to only mentally practice their skills for the same number of hours per week.
When the experiment was completed, both groups were thoroughly tested on their performances. Group B (the group that were only performing their sessions mentally) not only performed just as well as Group A (who performed the real practice sessions) but, in many cases, Group B performed noticeably better than Group A.
As a confidence coach for men, my own tests have proven the same to be true for my own experiments with men who are seeking confidence with women.
The best part about visualizing your actions instead of actually performing them is that during visualization, you have control over your outcome and you can always swing perfect shots! In real experiences, you can hit some or miss some. This is the main reason why Group B in the above experiment usually outperformed Group A. While Group A experienced some hits and some misses, Group B experienced hits, perfect hits every. single. time.
1. Think of a time that you felt confident, we all feel confident at one time or another; you may be confident at work, you may be confident with your friends, or maybe you're confident at a daily task like brushing your teeth. What are you confident at? Imagine you were confident right now, how does confidence feel to you?
2. As you remember feeling confident, you will start to feel confident. Think about this confident feeling, where in your body does this feeling of confidence start from? In your stomach, in your feet, in your head? Think about your feeling of confidence – where does the feeling start in your body?
3. Imagine you could see your confident feeling, what colour is your feeling of confidence? Make this feeling brighter and stronger
How to Use the Method
Now that I’ve explained why imagined practice sessions are often better than real ones, and I’ve also provided you with enough evidence (at least I hope I have) to back up the claim, let’s now discuss the best ways you can take advantage of this technique.
Since I use this technique to help men attain more confidence with approaching women, I’m going to explain how to use this technique by using the old “improve your confidence with women” niche.
When it comes to approaching women, most men spend their time physically practicing their “pickup” routine, which generally results in most failing over and over. With this method, you can now mentally rehearse your routine by using your imagination. You can visualise yourself walking up to a woman, complete with confidence and charm, and striking up a conversation with them and having them become really interested and excited by you.
How Most People Are Taught to Visualize
Most people are told to close their eyes and watch themselves completing the task which they would like to improve on. Basically, they are told to act as if they are watching a movie with them as the main actor practising the task required.
Although there are so many things completely wrong with this way of visualization, the biggest problem is that you are not visually participating in the action you are trying to visualise. What you are doing instead is simply watching; you are merely an observer. Essentially, you are detached from the visualized experience, which, in hindsight, leaves you feeling the same detachment from the real experience and resulting in your failure to show confidence around women.
The Correct Way to Visualize
The key step to correctly visualize is: Don’t watch yourself performing the task as if you’re watching a movie of yourself. What I tell men to do is to be in the movie, to be a part of the experience, and to see everything with their own eyes. So, while practicing talking to a woman, instead of closing your eyes and watching yourself talking to her, you have to be inside the picture. You must actually see the woman in front of you, and you must see the woman getting closer to you as you approach her. You must be inside your body!
It won’t hurt the technique if you actually speak the words you’d like to say to her either, but you don’t necessarily have to open your mouth. However, speaking the words out loud may actually help you embody the experience better, and then you can imagine how the woman might respond.
Be careful not to bring in negative responses. I cannot stress this enough. Remember, you are only visualizing your success, so when you talk to the imagined woman, be sure you only visualise positive responses from her. Imagine her saying something to test you so you can visualise how you might react to this test.
Hint: When a woman tests you, always (and I do mean always) calmly but confidently put her in her place in a nice way. This always gets a woman more excited and drawn to you.
Getting all your senses involved in the visualization is the next important step. Make the picture in your mind as real as you can as you visualise yourself approaching and talking to the woman. Imagine what sounds you might be hearing, what smells might be around (don’t imagine the smell of a rubbish bin with food rotting away in it…that’s just weird). Imagine hearing the woman speak to you. What does she sound like? See what I’m saying here? You must get in touch with all those sensations.
Extend your hand (no, really, extend your hand) to shake her hand. I know this may seem a bit weird, but just do it anyway, okay? Physically extend your real arm out, as if you are really shaking her hand. Doing physical things while visualising will really help you build that confidence and your overall attitude with women.
Always remember that this is not theory! This is actually tested and proven strategies that work extremely well, so get all your senses involved. You must make the experience as real as you can. Like a good movie that convinces you that it is real, you need to convince your mind that what you are visualizing is real. And always remember to visualize perfect results. Remember, this is only practicing success.
Being consistent with practicing this technique is the last important piece of the puzzle. I advise my clients to practice at least once every day, even more, if you can. I recommend doing it first thing in the morning and the very last thing before you go to bed. Those are normally the best times to program your mind.
Don’t be surprised if you begin to start experiencing a renewed sense of confidence and charm about you if you follow the steps as I’ve outlined above and practice honestly. Many men I coach tend to start off well with this technique and then seem to give up after only a few days. This is most certainly a recipe for disaster. By practicing this technique constantly, don’t be too surprised when you start going out and talking to women with complete confidence and calmness…and don’t be too surprised to find them simply melt away with your words.
All success revolves around the amount of energy you put into planning your strategy. The more you practice my method will dictate how successful you are, not only with women but with any aspect of your life. I advise you to seriously practice; don’t just run out into the battlefield unprepared like an over-enthusiastic child who is running towards the rainbow in search of the pot of gold that doesn’t actually exist.
You will get massacred if you jump too quickly. I’ve seen it happen too many times with men. This is why I urge you to learn and practice everything I’ve revealed in this article before you begin approaching women. I think you know what I’m talking about.
© 2017 Cage J Madison