ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel


Updated on December 13, 2010


I am writing this Hub to explain to all of you my recent lack of writing Hubs and decrease in comments on some of your hubs. My friend Susie emailed me the obituary of my nephew Mike shown below on Sunday November 21, 2010 and really threw me for a loop. The loop started a quest to find myself and just who I am and this journey continues to this day and for eternity if God sees fit to honor me, his humble servant, by selecting me to join him in Heaven above despite my unworthiness!!!!!!!!

The obituary below is Mike’s and during his life in the 1980’s he had told me he was battling a demon that I have also had to battle all my life and I offered him my help in any way possible, but unfortunately he died one year to the day of his mother’s, Maryann Koci Whitworth, my brother Kimmie’s wife’s death alone and probably still suffering.

Whitworth, Michael S.
November 19, 2010

Whitworth, Michael S., age 46 of McMechen, died Friday, November 19, 2010 at home.
He was born June 25, 1964 in Glen Dale the son of the late Kenneth and Maryann Koci Whitworth.
He was a former taxi driver.
Survivors include one brother: David Whitworth of Moundsville; two nieces and one nephew.
Private services and interment will be held at the convenience of the family.
Arrangements entrusted to Grisell Funeral Home & Crematory, Moundsville


I think I know who I am and also who I was even though I have trouble remembering things that happened during parts of my life. This particular part of my journey began when my pet cat Spooky died in July of 2009 and I was devastated as chronicled in my Hub linked below.

This Hub revealed a part of the vulnerability that I have had all my life and that is anxiety/panic disorder. The hub above assuaged my pain and along with past psychotherapy made me think that I was cured from this disease.

Over the course of my life I have battled anxiety in various forms in various ways, some positive and some negative.   My purpose in writing this series of hubs is to warn all of you that we all have various vulnerabilities and personal demons we fight forever and never take yours for granted like I did mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I learned an important lesson that Sunday in November that my foe never leaves me alone and I must keep my guard up as long as I live in order to function productively and I intend to try and do just that as long as I live and I hope that’s a long, long time if God is willing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


I let my guard down and on this past Thanksgiving I landed in the hospital in the place of my birth, Glen Dale, West Virginia due to a horrid anxiety attack that convinced me I was dying of a heart attack. This is my purpose to warn all of you don’t ever take your personal demons for granted or they will return with a vengeance and bight you when your guard is down.

I let this happen to me and it was no fun at all so beware. I hope in future installment to divulge my personal struggles and both positive and negative results obtained and as of now I am battling my demon along with kicking my 45+ year addiction to cigarettes as a result of my struggle to better myself and trying to make a lemon into lemonade!!!!!!!!!!!!


I want to thank all of you for assisting me in my educational quest from the beginning of my Hubbing until this moment.

If you are interested in my struggle with my demon it might help you in battling your’s so feel free to join and comment your thoughts and I’ll appreciate you feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      6 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for the read and your kind comment my friend.

      PS: Still haven't smoked since Thanksgiving day 2010.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      6 years ago from Chicago

      I am sorry for the loss of your nephew, my friend. I am going to go over right now and read the second part of your story. God Bless You!

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you my good friend.

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 

      7 years ago from Illinois

      Tom, I'm so sorry I didn't get to read this sooner. I extend my deepest sympathy to you, and hope will be ok. There is no person that knows the feeling one has of anothers loss, we are all different.

      I'm sure he will be waiting to greet you some day. Be as well as you can be, H

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you and God bless. Go with an Angel on your shoulder!!!!!!!!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      7 years ago from Minnesota

      Dear Tom-I know you wrote this hub a while back but I am so glad you shared your story with us. I have struggled with panic and anxiety throughout my life. It helped me greatly when I learned what it was and that it had a name. I think for me what has helped is not running away from the panic or anxiety when I feel it coming on. If you try to ignore it, it becomes stronger. I now do some self-talk and ask myself what is going on that has me stressed. I breathe into the anxiety and say a prayer that God get me through it. The more I accept the anxiety the less it bothers me. I have taken it's power away by facing it straight on. God bless you Tom and know I am always here to talk to. Send me an email anytime. Linda:)

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thanks for the kind words and thoughts. Everything is going well.

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 

      7 years ago from Texas

      Tom, you are a very strong person to be able to share this condition you have suffered. At the same time, I think it is very healthy that you have. I have wondered what happened to you as I missed you on my hubs but I knew you were dealing with personal matters so I held back at your request. Let me say this to you in terms of the cigarettes. I quite many, many years ago while still in the cockpit of the C-130. Many of my fellow crew members still smoked on the flight deck once we were airborne. I had quit many times before and failed. This time would be no different...I was wrong. That time, my mind had decided that it wanted to quit and we did...we never smoked again and I had been a smoker for over twenty years. If your mind is will happen. We all have some demons that haunt us. I know that you will manage this one for you have already shown that you can. Peace my friend and I hope that you will call on me if I can offer any words of comfort to you in the future. WB

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for such a loving message. Your love touches my heart deeply. I have been bleesed by God in so many countless ways. I believe everything will be fine.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Tom, I have missed you and just want you to know you are in my prayers. In 1978 I had to deal with those panic/anxiety issues so I certainly know what you have been experiencing. It's not something we like to talk about but the reality of it can turn us into a recluse imprisoned and unable to properly function. In my case there was a whole lot of stresses and situations came into my life which were hard for me to deal. I had a sister in law who had a nervous breakdown and I was away during the time at summer camp with the Army Reserve. The following week after I came back from Fort Eustus Virginia, where in a 3 mile walk I had my first panic attack. I hyperventilated and thought I was going to die. The heat and humidity in August was terrible and I think I may also have had a heat stroke or another heat related disorder. I was able to continue but had several other episodes in the weeks following. The last one I had was at work in Septmeber 1978 and I was in a situation where I was given more responsibility than I could handle. it was a very physically demanding job and my boss was forgive me"an asshole," demanding more than blood sweat and tears. I felt it coming and went immediately to our medical unit. My BP was sky high and the plant nurse called and made me an appointment with my family doctor that afternoon. Someone drove me home because of th eseverity of my BP. When I went to see my doctor he checked my heart and BP and did a thyroid test for hyper activity. The following week I went back for the results, which were normal. Having a Christian doctor, he told me many people have fears of dying and the second coming of Christ, he then ask me if I was a Christian. I told him I was and he took the copy of a Bible on his desk and read me Phillipians 4:6-7. I knew I had not been a good Christian, meaning I didn't read my Bible or pray as much as I should nor did I regularly attend my church. My excuse was we had moved to the far side of town and it was a hassle getting our two sons at the time ready and make it on time for Sunday School at 10 AM. I knew some of my anxiety must stem from my spiritual condition. On October 38 1978, I bowed in my living room and ask God to forgive me of all the sins in my account and ask him to help me. I had been in the Air Force where in my third year while at Laredo AFB, Texas, I had met a group called the Navigators. This is a great organization for service men and college students and they had a ministry on our base. They had been coming by my barracks and soon I had begun going to Bible studies and even to a couple of retreats. They introduced me to dicipleship something I never knew about although I came to Christ at 12 years of age.I knew nothing of the abundant life. My church was good on evangelism but got a zero when it came to discipleship. I left Laredo and finished my hitch in Alaska having no contact with my navigator buddies. The week following me bowing by an old worn out recliner and getting real with God, I received in the mail a publication printed by the Navigators called the Daily Walk. It would take me through the Bible in one year with daily Bible readings and had a devotion for each day. Tome can you believe it, seven years had passed since I had contact with the Navs and it seemed this publication had my name on every page.God began to open th escriptures to me and the Bible came alive in my heart and reflected in my life. I also learned as much as I could about anxiety and panic disorders and I found when I felt I might be having an attack, i would pray,"Lord I submit myself to you, my mind, my body and my spirit. I am your child and if you want me to feel this way, i'm ready go ahead because I know it is in your will for me at this moment. Help me get through this and thank you for you love. I love you, Lord." I prayed this or something similar and soon I felt the symptoms disappear. Tom, I had to deal with a suicide in my family, an Uncle I loved dearly and we were asked to sing at his memorial. I had a terrible case of anxiety and didn't think I personally could do it.At the memorial my Pastor came up to me before the service and told me, "Robert I have been praying for you." Tom we sang to our best abilities that day and I was able to sing without any difficulty though my heart was broken. I know you are in a lot of pain and my words may not be of any value, but I am thinking an dprayig for you. Go back and read those precious words found in Phillipians, I have a feeling they might just help you. I love you as a brother in Christ Tom and please know the richest grass and the coolest best tasting water are found in the valley\Your friend


    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      Truckstop Sally,

      Thank you for your supportive comment!!!!!!!!!

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 

      8 years ago

      Congrats for turning that lemon into lemonade. Just take one day at a time. You have lots of hubber friends offering support; embrace it and yourself!!

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for your good wishes and prayers. God bless you and Merry Christmas to you and your family.

    • cjv123 profile image


      8 years ago from Michigan

      Tom, I'll be praying for you. I'm just an email away if you need help. I'm so sorry your nephew had to go through this. God bless you Tom.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      I will heed and obey you along with thanking you for your kind words.

      Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for your kind words and well wishes to me. Also thanks for your word of caution about Seroquel and I will heed your advice.

      Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and may God bless you.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      8 years ago from south Florida

      So sorry for your loss, Tom, I know how that feels. I also know you are strong and smart and whatever you start out to do, you will finish. You have to for I have spoken! :)

      God bless.

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      8 years ago from Arizona


      sorry to hear of a family loss. Loosing loved ones is never easy, I have had to deal with that situation more times than I care to remember. I hope you find peace in it some how.

      Panic/Anxiety or PTSD are all wicked demons. Beware of the side effects of seroquel it is a wicked drug for bi-polar disorder, been there tried it and it caused uncontrollable muscle jerks after a while and I felt like an out of balance zombie. I take a regiment of xanax now and it has leveled out my skiddish nature very well.

      I wish you and yours a good holiday season how ever your tradition is, much Peace and Love, dusty

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      sheila b.

      Your kind words warm my heart and soul and may God bless you and give you a very, very Merry Christmas.

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 

      8 years ago

      Merry Christmas. You're on your way up again, and that's what matters. And yes, write more. It'll be good for you and good for us.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for your kind wishes and may God bless you and Merry Christmas also.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you for your sentiments but I believe he is in a better place as I believe we all will be some day.

      God bless you and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Tom -

      Interesting start. Keep on truckin'.



    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      8 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Sorry for your loss. It is always hard to lose those close to you.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thank you very much for your good wishes. I have added seroquel to my medication and the nicotine patches are making me have very few cravings for cigarettes.

      Merry Christmas and may God bless you and your family.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Tom, I am sorry you went through such as awful time. I knew something bad was happening and you are in my prayers. Chantix is a wonder drug for quitting cigarettes. My husband went through a program and said he didn't even have any cravings. He did some other helpful things as well. I am pulling for you and glad you are back on line hubbing. God Bless.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      You have great insight into stress and I thank you for sharing it. It's a real blessing to know it may help others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      God bless you.

    • FGual profile image


      8 years ago from USA

      Wishing you the best on this Christmas season while battling difficult demons and grieving your loss. I was a cab driver for many years and got so stressed and burned out I quit, so can relate to your nephew. Self care must continue no matter how we feel or whatever is happening around us, so keep on fighting the demons.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thanks for you kind wishes and supportive comment. God bless you and your family and merry Christmas.

    • eovery profile image


      8 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Nice to see you up and going well. And sad to hear of your loss.

      Keep on hubbing!

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thanks a million and I think you already know that I think your a peach. I just let my guard down and had stopped my relaxation exercises since I hadn't had an uncontrolled panic attack since 1979.

      I got too cocky but a new analyst and additional medication is helping very much. I quit drinking cold turkey in 1992 without a hitch and come this Thursday I won't have smoked for three weeks by just wearing a nicoteen patch and it's working and I'm working my system for controlling my emotions.

      Thank you for your help and concern.

    • breakfastpop profile image


      8 years ago

      Dear Tom,

      Just wanted you to know that I am here for you. As for giving up smoking, it is the hardest thing I ever did, but the best. If you want to talk about it, come to me. As for the anxiety there are so many avenues to help these days including some amazing medication. Don't despair.

    • Tom Whitworth profile imageAUTHOR

      Tom Whitworth 

      8 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Thanks for your support and good wishes. I hope you know how much it means to me. Thank you and Merry Christmas and Happy New year. God bless you.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 

      8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Hi Tom,

      You hang in there. I am very sorry for your loss. We are all pulling for you and we are confident that you will get through this!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)