Home at last
Was it worth it?
It has been nearly seven weeks since I moved to Jacksonville, FL. So much has changed in those seven weeks. Now that my house is fairly put together and my kids seem to be adjusting well, I have time to sit down and write a little. It has taken me a month to organize my thoughts.
After my mom went back to Kansas it was very hard for me to stay positive. I was focused on all of the negative things that happened along the way to Jacksonville and the "hardships" I was facing after Mom left. I was exhausted at night and stayed up until midnight trying to get everything done, and then got up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for work. By Saturday I wanted to sleep until noon.
But, then I received the best news I have ever had in my life: My husband had his Permanent Residency Visa in his sweet hands. He could come home. My mind immediately protected itself from feeling too many strong emotions (hope and happiness) in the event that something went wrong. My logic kicked into overdrive and I was suddenly numb to all emotions. It was a very odd feeling - like being drugged...but not actually being drugged.
I started nesting. I felt like I had to have everything perfect for his arrival. I didn't tell my kids, afraid to face them if I had to tell them that something had gone awry. Friday, September 21st, 2012 (nine months after Manny arrived in Mexico) at 4:24 p.m. he stepped off the Greyhound bus and into my waiting arms. It's an indescribable feeling I had at that moment...as he would say: I felt electric.
We made our way to the kids' daycare and he waited outside for them to see him. Our daughter saw him first. She was sprinting towards the car, oblivious to him standing next to the passenger door, until she saw him. She stopped dead in her tracks. It took about 10 full seconds for her brain to process his presence. And then it was chaos. Sweet, beautiful chaos.
In the nine months that he was gone I learned so much about myself and my fortitude. I think the time that he was gone made me grow up. When I saw how skinny he was I cringed internally at all the complaining I had done to him over the phone. I cannot fathom the suffering and sacrifices he went through. He lost 25 pounds while he was there....which may not seem like a lot, but he was already skinny. Now he is 125 pounds of pure, wiry muscles. He worked barefoot on top of mansions, building roofs for rich people. He showered outside with no protection from the elements. He went to the bathroom in a bucket. All this...not for a piece of paper...but for our family...so that our family can have a better life.
I have fallen in love all over again. It feels like a deeper, more rich kind of love...respect...and pride that I get to say he's mine.
Receiving his social security card in the mail was so exciting. He has applied for jobs without fear that his "info" wouldn't go through the system. The feeling is best described as relaxation. It is such an amazing feeling. We have found our laughter again.
Was it worth it? Yes, I feel like it was. Was it hard? Hell yes. But doing the right thing is rarely easy. There is no doubt in my mind that I could not have made it through those nine months without help from family and friends. Everyone around me amazed me. They rose up to my requests and pleads for letters and help. I am completely awed and humbled by the amount of support we received. Thank you, everyone. And a special thank you to those who went above and beyond for my Manny and for my family.
I'm proud of Manny. I hope I made him proud, too.
Noun:A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.