Wake the F*** Up

It’s very easy to get defensive right away when someone toxic is talking to you – or talking at you as they tend to do.

Resist this urge. If they are the worst kind of asshole they are going to enjoy your being defensive any way. But in general, they have pretty much already decided what they are going to think about you, with or without the proper information, so why waste your breath? Don’t even bother to fight back in this way. For the love of God, save your time, save your energy and save your mood. Death to the opposition – figuratively of course, will come some other way.

Be OK with these people existing. Here’s why – it’s just not worth the headache they will give you if you keep trying to fight them off or change them. The less you care, they less power they have.

Don’t expect to reason with them. Don’t try to outwit them and don’t try to change them. They don’t deal with that well. That’s not to say they can’t be reached, and don’t feel human feelings, but for all intents and purposes, let’s assume they don’t. Just move through the experience as quickly as you can with them so that you can move on.

Sike. It’s them. And don’t you ever forget that.

This is not Dungeon’s & Dragons, but I know a few of you got excited. D & D, at least here anyway, represents disassociating and detaching. This is disassociating you with crap ass people and situations. You have got to treat them all as indifferently as possible by not lowering yourself to their level. And then, detaching. You’re staying calm no matter what they dish out, and this will piss them off more than anything. It makes it easier for you to let go and move on.

Whatever you do in these situations, don’t let them see you angry. This encourages their behavior and lets them know they are getting to you.

Because the more you keep quiet, the more they don’t like it. You may even bore them out of trying to ruin your life.

Because of people like this, I really do think it’s important to have your core group of friends or family. These are the people – and for the most part, they are the ONLY people – you are sharing your deepest, darkest secrets and your biggest dreams with. These are the people that actually love you. They really support you. They genuinely want to see you happy and successful and they will help do whatever it takes to get you there.

Who are these people in your life? No, it’s not the guy in the cubical next to you at work because you have something on your mind and he is nosy, so you know he’ll listen. What’s his last name anyway? Think about it. Really think about it and write down the core group of trusted people in your life.

Before you write, think about who you are. Think about what their relationship to you is and why you trust this person, or these people, and why you feel safe confiding in them. They matter. And they can help you break any toxic cycle no matter where it's coming from.