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We aren't meant to go through this life alone

Updated on June 13, 2015
HealthbyMartha profile image

I'm a Certified Health Coach who wants to help you create the best balance of spiritual, physical and mental health that is possible.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness

In today's modern, fast paced, high tech world it is often hard to maintain close relationships with others. You may have connections to family and friends, but perhaps you don't feel that you can ever rely on them to be of help or support to you.

Or maybe you find it difficult to ask for help. Perhaps you were raised to believe that you should be a self sufficient person and that to need anybody else after the age of adulthood is to be thought of as weak, or needy.

The trouble with this is that we were not created to live a solitary existence. Even Adam had Eve! (Or Steve, if you prefer). In ancient times if a person were not part of a clan, tribe or societal group they would likely perish very early. Social structure has always had persons living as a community, when enough people existed together. Of course there are always examples of people who have chosen to go it alone and live a hermetic existence. And others may have begun their lives as a part of a society only to find themselves living isolated for one reason or another.

It was much simpler for groups of early people's to hunt and gather and provide for their existence by working together as a group.

But, as society has become so technologically advanced it has created a living experience of ease. People rarely need to physically hunt and gather their food; they need only to find one of a ton of options to go out and purchase their food and items they require for survival.

One needn't ever leave the confines of their domicile to live out their lives, should they so choose. Anything and everything can be bought and delivered to your doorstep 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

But, perhaps being a part of a group or family is about more than simple existence and survival. What if one wants to thrive and blossom? It might just require that you open your mind.....and your heart to the idea of letting someone in.

How did we get here?

How does a person become so isolated as to stop asking other people to give them a hand or support?

I was once a person who didn't ever ask for help; not unless I absolutely had to! I grew to feel increased self esteem and a sense of "I am woman, hear me roar" about being able to do it for myself! I think being a female coming of age in the 70's when Gloria Steinem ruled and Women's rights first came into being that it felt very "liberating" to do it yourself. One of my favorite quotes by the aforementioned Ms. Steinem is "A woman without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle." No, I am not bashing men here, just noting the attitude that drove me and many of my sisters to be solo warriors in the world rather than rely on a Husband or family member for support.

Sometimes, in our zeal to try out something new we go overboard. We throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water. We can burn our bras, but do we really need to discard the men along with them?

This article is not about women and men, but about people needing people. My apologies to Ms. Streisand. But, I digress; we all need a hand to hold once in a while.

There are so many people struggling and fighting the same battles, why not align yourself with them and together make a bit more progress and perhaps even make a lasting connection?


Reaching Out

It's not always easy to reach out and find somebody you can trust. But, it's not impossible either. It takes a bit of time and effort and discernment, but you have a Tribe out there. You can find your tribe by being true to what you are about and putting yourself in the same places.

Not that long ago I felt like my own little island. And the more I stayed on my own, silently, sometimes sadly caring for myself and living my life, the harder it got to consider asking anybody for help.

But I started practicing meditation and Yoga. Something happens when we quiet the noise in our minds. We can actually start to hear what our heart is asking for. And my heart started to ask me to bring in some help! I had gotten weary and sad from thinking I was all that I had.

As I listened to my heart, I also started to open and let myself be guided. This looks different to different people. For some, it may come in the form of dreams or being drawn to seeing messages in your normal day to day life. For others, it may come in prayer or in meditation. For still others a loved one may speak to you about how they see you struggling and open your eyes a bit wider to the idea of asking for help.

It's not easy for many of us to even say the words "Can you help me". But those four words just might save you a ton of grief and misery! And, I can tell you, once you've put it out there, it does get easier.

It's like anything that you want to get good at; you practice! A concert pianist does not become so overnight but through years of dedicated practice. And I've always said that anything worth having is worth working for.

Are you in? Do you want to find some help in your life? Let's see what we can do!

Who might help you?

As I mentioned, I like to practice Yoga and Meditation on a regular basis. It is through those modalities that I found my way to getting some assistance.

I do use social media. For me, it's so much more than just sharing a joke, but actually finding like minded people and groups that are out there specifically to help people.

When I studied to be a Health Coach, my school actually has a big Facebook presence. And even though I've since graduated, by being out there I have located so many sources for help and healing.

There are Intuitive healers, health coaches, life coaches, meditation, yoga and so much more. I can imagine that this is when a lot of people start to be concerned about the financial side of things.

I can tell you that I live quite frugally and am not at all a spend thrift. Further, I find it much easier to spend on anybody but myself! But, in being so frugal I have found a lot of free, or sliding scale options. There are a lot of people who simply exchange peer counseling with one another and there are no shortage of Groups to be joined. There are free webinars, classes and demo's all at the touch of your keyboard!

It would be inappropriate for me to list all the different resources that I have found and utilize, but I assure you that there are so many people that are new to the industry that there is no shortage of low cost and Free offerings. You can google about any term and find a lot of information.

And, you don't have to do any of these suggestions of course! I just have found that my life has improved 100% and taken a 180 degree turn since I started allowing people in and letting myself be helped and supported.

I have gone from feeling like I'm invisible to knowing that I count! And that is a huge thing! I have made a lot of friendships and we can simply text back and forth, or phone or Skype and be very supportive and helpful. I have been given business advice, life lessons and more from Peer coaches. And you don't have to be a Health or Life Coach to have a Peer Coach! You can create your own group if you are so inclined.

There simply is an abundance of good will and assistance out there and all you need to do is ask.

Make an action plan

If you are feeling like you are alone, or if you have a lot of people in your life, but feel that you still need some help or guidance you have a lot of company.

I would like to suggest that you make a commitment to yourself to do one thing each day that brings you a bit closer to finding a bit of help.

Maybe you go on Facebook and type in "Meditation support" and find a group. Or you can Google any number of topics and look for what you think would be helpful.

If you are completely at sea, and not sure what to even look for do not despair! There are resources in every city to help you. You can use online Yellow Pages and Yelp to find people. You can ask a good friend, or a work acquaintance that you trust. Maybe you know somebody who seems to be very happy and well adjusted and you can ask them what their "secret is".

I believe that first you must open your mind and your heart. Let yourself off the hook of going it solo and allow somebody in. We all like to know that there is someone out there that we can call on.

I don't want to see anybody suffer alone and in silence, when I know there are so many resources in all price ranges to be of help.

You can find something and make it your own. If it's unconventional, so much the better! Laugh therapy, talk therapy, creating a group of like minded individuals to meet for free and problem solve? The possibilities are endless when you really open up and lean into it.

My life has been improved and made much more meaningful by forming connections with other people in my Tribe.

I wish you all the success in the world in creating your own Tribe and being a worthy member.


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    • HealthbyMartha profile image
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      Martha Montour 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you for sharing with me SanXuary. I hope that you do reach out and receive the abundance that is yours to claim!

    • profile image

      SanXuary 2 years ago

      Until recently I was a paranoid person who preferred no grid until I became so angry that I no longer care of the consequences. By reaching out I hope to find the thousands I will need to support my cause.

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      Jody 2 years ago

      No man or woman is an island. You stated that so well and eloquently.