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Weight Loss - Your Definitive Guide To Failure

Updated on June 11, 2011

Weight Loss Failure

If you're looking to fail at weight loss, you've come to the right place. Anyone can fail at weight loss. You won't believe how easy it really is when you try it.

Set Unrealistic Goals

If you set realistic goals there is no way you can experience weight loss failure. People that succeed in losing weight set short term and long term goals with the end objective in mind. They know that there may be ways to lose weight fast, but these ways are unsustainable in the long term to keep that weight off.

People who want to fail at weight loss should set unrealistic goals or they may find themselves slimming down. Better yet, don't set any goals. That might be a better way to set yourself up for surefire failure!

Jump Into Weight Loss Programs

To succeed in not losing any weight, make sure you jump into any weight loss program. Don't bother reading up on them. If the weight loss program you chose says it will help you lose weight tomorrow, chances are it is guaranteed to set you up for failure. You want programs that are restrictive and demanding.

Expect Immediate Results

People that succeed at weight loss realize that with no pain there is no gain. They realize it's a long term process to lose weight since they didn't get fat overnight. Making better lifestyle and diet choices and turning these choices into habits helps them to keep the weight off. Believing that you will be thin tomorrow by drinking some shake is good for failing at weight loss.

Eat Lots of Sugary Foods

To fail at losing weight, eat lots of carbs and sugary foods so that your energy levels always spike rapidly. When you start to crash soon after, just have some more sugar to help it get back up there. Don't even think about substituting those foods for things like nuts or dried fruit between meals - these items have a low glycemic index which means they give you a sustained stream of energy and they are healthy for you. Avoid them if you want to fail at weight loss.

Don't Exercise

Regular exercise only promotes good health and wellbeing. It improves circulation, keeps you fit and even improves your performance in bed. It keeps you mentally active. If you exercise regularly then chances are you will not succeed at failing with weight loss.

An alternative approach you could take is to use reverse psychology. Go and join a gym and exercise too much in the first week. This will force you to give up more easily.

Go It Alone

People who manage to keep the weight off generally going into diets and exercising plans with a partner or workout buddy. They know it's that much easier to have someone else there for support and encouragement to keep going. If you want to be a weight loss failure then make sure you go it alone. That way, after a week or so, you'll be guaranteed to give up your efforts and you will have successfully failed at weight loss.

Skip Breakfast

Never eat breakfast or else you will start to see your metabolism going and it will stop you from indulging throughout the day. You don't want that. You want to get hungry enough come mid-morning so that you snack on sugary foods and initiate the spike/crash energy cycle, remember?

Always Weigh Yourself

As soon as you start monitoring the scales on a daily basis (or even hourly) you will notice that your weight keeps going up and down. That MUST be a sure sign that you're on the right track to failing at weight loss. :)


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    • mythbuster profile image

      mythbuster 8 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      Excellent hub - quite funny, marcofratelli! Thanks for putting the weight loss topic on display here - in a light-hearted way. I'll make sure I don't follow anything that look like 'rules of weight loss here.' I'm sure you'll understand! I truly cannot decide which parts of this hub I've enjoyed most.

    • hypnodude profile image

      Andrea 8 years ago from Italy

      Great hub Marco, funny and true. Well done mate, rated and stumbled. :)

    • Sage Williams profile image

      Sage Williams 8 years ago

      A very different approach, I've been here before. Got it, can relate big time!


    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      Can't help it :)

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Ha Ha, we've all been here haven't we? Doesn't everyone want to fail at losing weight? Now where's my dessert?

      You really do have an Aussie sense of humour don't you Marco?

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      drbj & Sandyspider - let's all fail at weight loss together!! :)

    • Sandyspider profile image

      Sandy Mertens 8 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

      I can relate to these.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 8 years ago from south Florida

      Your rules for losing weight are really funny, Marco, but unfortunately they are also really true.

      Clever hub.