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Weight Loss Success

Updated on February 5, 2015
Weight loss happens one day at a time!
Weight loss happens one day at a time!

Want to fit into your old jeans? Look better naked? There is a fun and healthy way to finally come to terms with body issues, weight loss worries, work place donut demons, spending entire paychecks on weight watcher meetings we don't go to. I know you may go home at night in tears because you felt FAT the entire time. No matter how bad you think you look someone else is looking at YOU thinking she is my after picture!! It is true! It has even happened to me...once. It seems that lately I am more of an expert on how NOT to lose weight then to actually shed pounds. My thought is maybe if I reverse what I am doing then success will be mine at last!

The No Beer Diet

Unfair, that is all I have to say! But who said life is fair? My boyfriend had a night out with the guys three months ago that officially ended his drinking career. He stopped drinking beer cold turkey. Now he is unrecognizable to friends and family. He literally shrunk right in front of our very eyes! So my question is why can't I find my "beer diet"??? What consumable can I stop consuming that will allow me to shrink down 30lbs in three months?


The thought actually crossed my mind to start putting away a twelve pack of PBR every night for 3 months and then give it up JUST to watch the scale plummet in the opposite direction as it has been going lately. The fear of course is that my scheme will blow up in my face! Which is more likely, given my track record!


Last year I began a running program so I could cross running a 5k off my bucket list! I gained 20lbs. Not until after this realization did I read an article in runner magazine about the tendency of new runners to gain 10-15 lbs because they falsely believe running two miles a day gives you a ticket to stuff your face. Yes guilty. Readers I am your best example of what NOT to do in order to lose weight! If you want to drop pounds read on and just do the exact opposite of what I do and you'll be Lohan skinny in no time at all!



500 Before and After Weight Loss Photos

Top 5 Ways NOT to Lose Weight

1. Eat a really healthy breakfast, veggie filled lunch and sensible snack then at exactly 4pm celebrate!! You ate healthy all day now you have total permission to cram your face with as many grams of carbs as you can before 8pm. You earned it!

2. Dessert is not just an occasional splurge it is a nightly requirement. Do not even think about setting your alarm clock and turning in until you have eaten at least one pop tart (organic of course! there really is a difference!) or 2 cups of fat free pudding with 4 tablespoons of peanut butter! (protein is healthy and the pudding is sugar free those calories don't count!)

3. Do at least 20 leg lifts each day, then you can say you worked out! Every calorie counts!

4. Go online and visit every weight loss site you can. Max out your credit card on every new plan you see. Now go out to the steakhouse and order the bloomin' onion, once your order arrives your life will change. This will be the LAST weight loss gimmick you will ever buy. This time it WILL work.

5. Stop going out in public, buying new clothes or planning vacations until you reach goal, this will be your motivation to finally drop those pounds. Even if you haven't been on a vacation in five years and are still wearing clothes from 2001.. Someday is just around the corner ladies!

That's it. There is your plan, if you want to reach your dream weight, just do exactly the opposite of the five steps above. You will be turning heads in no time! I promise! The pounds will literally melt off! Oh and if that doesn't work I have a rubber maid container filled with delicious boxed meals for sale on Ebay!

Cheers!

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