What Am I Doing With My Life?
I was sitting at home when it happened. I was drinking my 4th coffee of the day and I was watching Judge Rinder. As he started shouting at some idiot on the TV, I realised that I was struggling to stay awake. It was 1pm and I'd only been awake since 10am.
That was when I realised - I'm a daytime TV zombie. Then I was understandably devastated. Even my dog was judging me. I could feel his eyes looking at me with pity. I'm in the prime of my life and I was spending my days watching TV and drinking coffee to keep myself awake.
How Had This Happened?
Before you all start (rightfully) judging me, this has happened to me because of illness and injury. Without going into details, the illnesses were Cancer, Lupus, Peripheral Neuropathy and some further injuries. Yes, some of them are still with me and no, I'm not going to die.
Due to these illnesses and injuries, I lost two jobs that I loved. One was a career in the Police and the second was a job in the worlds best comic store, Worlds Apart Liverpool. And yes, I am a massive geek.
These two jobs are drastically different but once I got ill during these careers, one thing was the same - I was desperately fighting to get them back. I was ultimately unsuccessful.
Now, you probably thought that my big realisation was that I had a problem with daytime TV. It wasn't. But it was during that realisation that I realised something else.
I am never getting those careers back and I am probably never getting back to full time employment. That was when all hell broke loose in my brain. I started to sweat and completely panic. My dog started to stare at me and I thought he was going to comfort me. He went back to bed. Typical Pug.
In a matter of minutes I had decided that TV zombie could not be my future, but if I wasn't employed, what was I going to do? I needed to look at my life experiences and use them to my advantage, rather than descend into a depression about how bad my life is right now.
Was It Really That Bad?
The truth is, my life isn't that bad. Yes, I have been faced with many illnesses but I have also seen the world and I have the best friends and family that a girl could ask for.
My parents are amazing. They have been with me through everything. My Mum is my rock, she faces everything with me and she knows that I can defeat anything. My Dad is the problem solver. His immediate reaction is complete panic (bless him) but then he tells me what I need to do to solve the other problems in my life. My Sister and my Brother in Law (Brolo) are there for me with whatever I need and they have NEVER let me down.
So the main issue is the career and how I am going to make money to have a comfortable life. That is really all I want - A comfortable life. And Gucci trainers. And probably Apple products. And comics.
The only answer for me at this point is self employment. I need to be my own boss and I can never work for someone else again.
The issue with working for other people when you have a disability is that they start off being helpful and reducing your hours and your duties. But, after a while, they start to expect more from you and they pile on more work and give you more hours and then, before you know it, you are ill again and the cycle starts again.
The only boss that wasn't like this was my boss at Worlds Apart. His name is Alan and he did everything he could to make sure I was well enough to stay. Him and my friend Andrea, and everyone else there really did everything they could for me, but in my heart, I knew I wasn't well enough. That is the only job I would ever go back to if I could. That place is amazing. I still can't think about the fact that I don't work there, without getting teary and it's been over a year.
So, What Am I Going To Do With My Life?
After an hour of staring at the TV in complete panic, I took my Dog (Exley) for a walk and began to think about what I truly am passionate about in life, and I came up with the following list:
- Social Media
- Buying and Selling
You might be shocked that, that list isn't full of things like comics, gaming, TV shows and movies. But, whilst I am passionate about those things, I don't ever want to think of them as work. I need to keep something for myself.
Therefore, I am going to attempt to make businesses out of those six things. I don't think it makes good business sense to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I want money coming in from everywhere, so if one fails then I don't have to completely freak out. I know, I have my work cut out for me. But, success is never easy.
This blog will be a documentation of my journey.