- Mental Health»
What Is Trust
What is trust and why is it so hard for some and so easy for others? What is it that causes us to lose our trust? Why is it so hard to trust again? What does it take to earn my trust?
These questions occupy much of my private thoughts. I can remember when I trusted easily, over and over and over again. I believed all the lies, all the excuses, all the buts. After years of belief, I no longer believe. I must be shown. In God I trust and almost no others.
Trust is confidence. A belief that one is what one says they are. A conviction that the truth is told to you. Trust is the expectation that someone is true to their statements. True to their actions. Trust is believing another will not lie to you, no matter how much it may hurt. Trust is a reliance on another.
It is easy to trust, when lies are not a way of life. It is easy to trust when people remain true to their word. It is easy to trust when words and actions are in accord. It is easy to trust when someone is honest, real and authentic. It is easy to trust when you are young and not often hurt.
It becomes harder to trust when someone lies to you. It becomes harder to trust when someone says one thing and does another. It becomes harder to trust when someone cheats you or is dishonest with you. It becomes harder to trust when someone is disloyal, evil or faithless.
In the beginning it is easy to trust again. You believe the lies, the excuses. Depending on your faith in the person you may believe for years. You may even trust more than one person. Then one day you realize all of your belief was a lie. All of your faith was unfounded. All of your love was used.
Once this happens you wonder, how will you ever try again? Who would ever want that hurt…who could ever stand that hurt again in their lives? Why is it that although we are so hurt, so set on never being hurt again, that we still get lonely? Why aren’t we smart enough to know that hurt is hurt is hurt? What is it that drives humans to trust again?
Humans are social animals…pack animals. They love to be with others and are never truly fulfilled unless they are in a relationship. How do you go against human nature? Easy…lose trust…lose faith…lose confidence. Pain is the great motivator. Pain can motivate you to leave behind all social activity. Pain will make you happy to be alone.
I almost pity the men who came after my first love. I thought he was my soul mate. I thought we would be together forever. However, when push came to shove, my needs were no where near as important as his to him. I still don’t think I was being unreasonable. I have never been a very needy person. I supported him, I had 3 cars…one for him, one for his brother, and one for his mother. All I needed was a man to be a father to his child and stop partying. That was too much.
As a side note: the con is I have a wonderful, the most wonderful, greatest, loving, mature, understanding daughter. She is someone I trust unreservedly. If she told me we had to jump off a bridge, I probably would. She is very smart, very good at judging people and loves me greatly. What a wonderful gift life has given me.
I tried to trust again after him, but I either attract users or attract losers…but most likely both. I gave up on trying again. I made up my mind and I was happier for it. Once I fell in love again, but he was married and I admired him from afar, never letting him know how I felt. There is no way I could live with myself if I inflicted such pain on a family.
Can you ever get past this pain? I love to think so. I believe one day I will meet someone who is true. Someone I will trust again. Someone who is worthy of my love. However, I don’t know how I will, because I never go out. I never try to meet anyone. I work and that is all.
Once, when I was in New Mexico, I worked with an anesthesiologist from the Middle East. He read my palm and told me that I would have a great love late in life. I thanked him for letting me know, thinking to myself, “I hope not too late.” LOL, but he gave me hope. He, and a woman I knew who met the man of her dreams after being in a very bad marriage. She met this man in her late 50’s. They were married and even 8 years later, still walked hand in hand whenever possible.
My parents have been married for 50 years this year and if anything love each other more than ever. They walk hand in hand still. They prefer to spend time together more than with others. They do not have the cuteness of new love, but the overwhelming power of a love tried and true. These are ways I know there is hope. Now if I can only figure out how to find that hope!