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The Struggle Within: Codependency And Addiction Caused by Lifes Problems

Updated on July 9, 2013

Struggle With Codependency

Do you struggle with codependency for someone who needs addiction rehab? Have you ever asked yourself this question? When we are terribly worried about someone, it's often easy to become codependent in an attempt to help the person who is dependent on alcohol or drugs and isn't making the right choices. It's called codependency but could also be referred to as caring too much, or need to fix, or saving them from themselves or being a step ahead. Why? Codependent people seem to feel that it's partly their fault that the alcohol or drug addict is the way he/she is. Some feel as though they may have helped cause the problem. Finally when realizing the codependent personality, one should ask themselves " Do I help him/her? Do I enabled him/her to be sick. Do I care too much about him/her? Do I really want whats best for him/her? Do I want him/her to be happy? Don't I hate to see him/her emotionally or physically suffering? Do I want to make him/her feel better? The effects of having a codependent personality can be terrible harmful to someone addicted to alcohol and drugs and codependent people need to get help to understand that they need to change the way they react to their loved one who may need alcohol or drug rehab.

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Dealing With Codependency

Dealing with codependency and changing the codependent personality takes time. It doesn't take too much to learn what things you should and shouldn't be doing when it comes to the person you continuously try to help, it takes time to learn how and when to do them. Then it takes time for your new actions and attitudes toward the person you've been involved with for so long to react to the new you. As time goes by and you find yourself practicing your new ways, slowly, sometimes very slowly , you will see some different things happening in your life and in the life of the one addicted. Reading books and articles about ways to change, going to Alanon meetings for support, finding other people who see what it is you do and how you can change can all help in your process.

Reversing Codependent Behavior

A codependent person never means for anything bad to happen to a loved one who struggles with this problem of addiction. Their motive is to help but it is doing just the opposite. Reversing codependent behavior is critical in helping an addicted person. The codependent person just wants to somehow fix things but must first concentrate on themselves.

Changing Codependent Habits

As the addict is addicted to whatever it is that they are addicted to, you as a codependent are addicted to helping the addict. Things you need to do to change include:

Attend Alanon Meetings

Care taking - Take care of yourself and set boundaries

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- look and see what things you do that are obsessive when it comes to the addict in your life

Dependency - look at how dependent this person is on you in time when he/she shouldn't be

Poor Communication Skills - how well do you communicate your feelings. Are they communicated in healthy, mature ways?

Poor Boundaries - Do you set boundaries for yourself

Lack of Trust.

Perfectionism

The most damaging part is that you are actually enabling the behavior to continue by the things you are doing rather than helping to end it. Examine yourself to see if you possess any of the traits in the items listed above.

It Will Help You and the Addict

Most importantly, get help for your actions and reactions to the addicts behaviors. Try to follow the rules of changing how you react. Find out what you can do to change and how it will help you and the addict. This is the first step and a very important one in helping your loved one.

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    • profile image

      Cobus-Esterhuyse 

      6 years ago

      I am codependant since I rather supply her than having to live with the threats and assaults (physical and mental). In other words I'm buying some peaceful time. Also scared of what she could do to herself if I'm not there for her. Do not know what to anymore

    • Jisblessed profile image

      Jisblessed 

      7 years ago

      Find this to be food for thought life. vote up and useful, Thanks

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