ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What Makes ME Qualified to Talk About Mental Health?

Updated on December 20, 2017
DulcyWarfield profile image

Mother of 3 humans and 7 fur babies. A wife, friend and aspiring artist, she has both personal and professional experience in mental health.

Introduction

A Bad Experience at a Young Age

I vividly remember a horrible and traumatic experience, from when I was about 7 years old. It wouldn't be until I turned 22, and had 2 children, before I realized I had a problem due to this event.

My parents took me to a fast food restaurant for lunch, just as we had done many, many times. This particular time would cause me to develop a diversion to food.

As we were sitting and enjoying our lunch as a family, I noticed an employee sitting alone in a small booth, nearest the front exit. She looked very unhappy and appeared to be waiting for someone. As I was observing her, she began vomiting, in the dining room, into a large cup. I'm sure for anyone else who would have witnessed, this would have caused a loss of appetite as well. But for me, it was the trigger for something much deeper.

You see, I was always an insecure and nervous child. I always felt out of place. I couldn't relate to other children. I was very codependent when it came to my Mother. (I have 1 sibling but, he's 7 years older.) I would runaway from school. I didn't spend the night at friend's houses. I kept myself pretty isolated.

At that point, I developed that food diversion I was talking about. I began associating food with vomiting. I convinced myself that if I ate, I'd probably just vomit. So, I was afraid to eat. I would go days without eating. My parents took me to many doctors. I had every kind of test you can think of... MRI's, Ultrasounds, blood tests, you name it. The Doctors could never find anything physically wrong. As I got into my teens, I could go 3 days before I realized I hadn't eaten.

Eventually, around 4th grade, my Mother put me in counseling.... which didn't seem to help. Other than figuring out I had severe anxiety, my counselor never asked me about food, Anorexia or Bulimia so the problem just progressed.



Many hospital visits, tests and sleepless nights.
Many hospital visits, tests and sleepless nights. | Source

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

— Carl Jung

Eating Disorders Lead to Other Self Destructive Behaviors

I was much smaller and skinnier than the majority of the kids my age. I was also younger. This contributed to my insecurities which made me more award. My obvious awkwardness made me an easy target for bullies. I hated school. I had very few friends.

By the time I reached High School, I had developed many more self destructive behaviors. On top of my horrible choice in boyfriends (with the exception of 1), I was self hating, self harming, unsafely promiscuous, dishonest, mean, and extremely reckless with other people's feelings. I'm not sure I was even consciously aware at the time, that other people had feelings. I was so used to ignoring mine or hiding them. (Which I was taught by my Father to do, but that's a whole other story).


Fact:

Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in youth ages

10 - 24.

Source: https://www.nami.org

Warning Signs

If you're concerned about a child in your life, please pay attention to some of the most common warning signs. Childhood into Adolescents is a difficult time in itself. A lot of Mental Health issues can appear during this vulnerable time.

  • Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than 2 weeks (e.g., crying regularly, feeling fatigued, feeling unmotivated).
  • Trying to harm or kill oneself or making plans to do so.
  • Out-of-control, risk-taking behaviors that can cause harm to self or others.
  • Sudden overwhelming fear for no reason, sometimes with a racing heart, physical discomfort or fast breathing.
  • Not eating, throwing up or using laxatives to lose weight; significant weight loss or gain.
  • Severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships/friendships
  • Drastic changes in behavior, personality or sleeping habits (e.g., waking up early and acting agitated).

Source: https://www.nami.org/getattachment/Learn-More/Mental-Health-by-the-Numbers/childrenmhfacts.pdf

Self Portrait

Depression has always hid under the surface. Isolating myself, especially in times of celebration or vulnerability, is pretty common for me.
Depression has always hid under the surface. Isolating myself, especially in times of celebration or vulnerability, is pretty common for me. | Source

Bad Relationships, Failed Marriages and Amazing Children

At 20 years old, I was still UN-diagnosed with any Mental Illness (later I found out it runs in my family) and gave birth to my first son. Although he was the product of a very volatile yet casual relationship, he was (and still is) one of the three most amazing gifts life has ever given me. I had many more failed relationships, several attempts at marriage with horribly mentally and/or physically abusive men, over the years. During that time, I had 2 more amazing children who have been my inspiration for staying strong. Relationships are very, very difficult to maintain when you chose a "partner" who is more unhealthy than yourself.. I did this over, and over again.

Bad Taste

I always attracted the wrong people into my life and I couldn't understand why.
I always attracted the wrong people into my life and I couldn't understand why. | Source

Fact:

Sometimes, when a person with Borderline Personality Disorder is in crisis hospitalization may be necessary. Suicide is a very real concern for persons with BPD. Overall, the total percentage of people with BPD who commit suicide is about 8-10%.

Source: National Institute of Mental Health, Mayo Clinic, National Eduction Alliance for BPD, National Alliance on Mental Illness

Finally! A Diagnoses... Er Uh, A Misdiagnoses Actually

I actually went to work in the field of Mental Health for a few years. It was too difficult for me at that time because I wasn't ready to see that I had issues of my own. Everyone else's issues, were triggers for me. I could see myself in a lot of people and I didn't want to need help.

As I sit here and write this today, I've made it 43 years in this world. I was first diagnosed in 2008, with Bipolar Disorder II. I didn't do any treatment at that time, and I wish I would have. But, like an addict, you can't really accept treatment until you are ready, and I wasn't.

After a few more abusive relationships, and then 1 pretty healthy one (or so I thought), I fell into a depression so deep, I couldn't get out on my own. It ruined that healthy relationship I was in. So, about 7 years later, I got some help from a local Mental Health Facility. I was re-diagnosed Bipolar II with Generalized Anxiety. I went religiously to my counseling sessions for 2 years then ran into a bunch of bad counselors. I was fairly heavily medicated on Mood Stabilizers, Anti-depressants and Anxiety pills. This all worked for about a year, then it just stopped working. I switched to a new doctor and was reassessed.

Borderline Personality. Social Anxiety. Obsessive Personality. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

These are my current diagnoses. I live with them everyday, UN-medicated. It's definitely a challenge. I have great days and horrible ones. I second guess every decision I make. But, I'm generally happy. I understand myself better now. I understand why I attracted all the wrong people. And why I was always "the victim". And why I couldn't be happy with anyone else.

Now I'm on my 5th, and FINAL, marriage. And he's a great guy, but like me, he's not perfect. We have challenges and I'm sure some days he wants to throw in the towel. I overthink, am insecure, have trust issues and a lack of self esteem... but I'm working on it every day.


HOPEFUL...

My biggest hope in writing is that, my pages find their way to someone who can relate. If I can inspire just 1 person to get help, or write, or just get through today, I will feel so amazing.

And NEVER let anyone make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about the way you feel. I like to think of myself as a little unique and special... and you should too.


Getting Another Opinion

Please read my other article on the importance of Self Advocating. https://hubpages.com/health/Self-Advocate-Get-That-Second-or-Third-Opinion

Poll

Have You Ever Been Misdiagnosed by a Mental Health Professional?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • DulcyWarfield profile imageAUTHOR

      Dulcy Warfield 

      11 months ago from Kingman, Arizona

      I've always been pretty open about my life but, more open in the last 2 years. I noticed the stigma with mental illness has gotten a lot worse over the last 10 years. I think that's just stupid. Would you be ashamed of having a physical illness? Probably not... so why is it shameful to have mental health issues? Everyone has them, just some more than others. I'm glad you like my article :) Thank you for your kind words.

    • profile image

      Bertha Pettipas 

      11 months ago

      I’ve always felt like that too Dulcy I’m so glad you p decided to do this. Thank you

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)