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What Not To Say To An Anorexic

Updated on January 5, 2008

Inside the Anorexic Mind

30 years ago, I went from being the fat little red-headed girl to being the disappearing red-headed girl. I was put on a 600 calorie a day diet by a Beverly Hills doctor who felt that losing a few pounds would be important for me as I transitioned from high school to college. My overweight mother never questioned the wisdom of 600 calories a day. She just felt guilty about the whole thing and cried a lot.

After struggling with the 600 calorie limit for a few weeks, I finally got into a groove and sooned realized that it's almost easier to eat nothing then it is to worry about eating 600 calories a day. So I got really good at eating less, and less, and less. And I started losing more, and more, and more.

Fast forward 30 years. I had done a decent job of keeping my weight off into middle age. My anorexia was under control after a combination of therapy and falling in love, moving and maturing, and probably a few intangibles that helped me restore some mental and physical health. But then as with many women in their 40's, the weight started to creep on. And one day I realized I was back to being a fat little red-headed middle age woman. Not exactly fat, but not exactly not fat. So, I tried to get it off. I had food delivered to my home. Zone type diet. It didn't work. The weight stayed on. Then I tried South Beach and off it came. Down the numbers went. I was thrilled. I was fitting into things I had outgrown. I was feeling good about my body and myself. Losing weight is one of my favorite feelings. It's all good. And so once it starts I hate to give up that feeling. So I keep losing weight. And I hit a point where people think I look fine. And then I go past that point. But then the holidays hit, and I put back a few of those extra pounds. The extra pounds that I lose that make people worry about my state of mind.

When you're a recovering anorexic, you are very sensitive to what people say. Anorexics hear things differently. You say "You looking great. Thin, but not too thin" and I hear "Not too thin? That means fat. That means I have more to lose." So, here are a few things you shouldn't say to anorexics. And because you may not know if someone is an anorexic, then I suggest you refrain saying these things to any dieter:

1. "I was worried you were going to get too thin, but you look just right" - Just right is the kiss of death. Just right is as good as fat. So don't tell people they look just right. And don't tell them that you thought they were going to get too thin. Anorexics don't care what you think is too thin. There is no such thing as too thin.

2. "I didn't think you were going to eat any of that. I'm glad you did." - Don't point out what the anorexic is or isn't eating. You'll just trigger the voice in their heads to start a dialogue about their lack of will power. It's heard as a criticism. Everything is heard as a criticism.

3. "You really shouldn't lose any more weight." - That's an invitation to shed more pounds. It's heard as a dare, a challenge, a new goal to set. Who are you to set a weight loss limit, thinks the anorexic mind. You're probably fat or jealous or a liar or have some agenda designed to keep the anorexic fat. Your opinion either doesn't count or is filtered as a lie or an exaggeration.

The anorexic mind is a delicate one. It isn't easy to work with or to understand. You can't see or hear what is going on inside the anorexic mind, but there is a dialogue. Between the anorexic and a very active voice. If there's an anorexic in your life, take some time to explore websites and written works that expose the anorexic thought patterns. You'll be shocked. You'll be scared. But maybe you'll become more sensitized to this condition and how you can impact the anorexic for better or for worse.


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      Anonymous 2 years ago

      I respect that other people's experiences (first hand or second hand) or anorexia may be very different. That there are sufferers out there who have a commitment to getting better. Unfortunately there are also those who are absolutely committed to resisting all efforts to help.

      Family members who are the primary carers of anorexics probably find that their own sense of self and identity becomes hugely shaped by being a carer to an anorexic. By constantly being alert and aware of triggers, eating disordered behaviour etc. Which I suppose is very likely in the case of a parent. Siblings and friends will almost certainly not want to get so embroiled that another person's anorexia dictates conversation, behaviour, mealtimes etc.

      Control is very much an issue in anorexia - and unfortunately it can start to control other people's lives simply by virtue of beinbg close to the anorexia. Bluntly, most healthy people probably reject the notion of standing by, impotently watching as a friend or sibling starves themselves to death. Logically they might know the anorexic has no control over their illness. Emotionally, they see somebody who has given up on life, isn't co-operating with professional efforts to help them...and I think that's impossible for most reasonably adjusted people to accept.

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      Anonymous 3 years ago

      I can sympathise with both opinions. I live with an anorexic and it is very difficult. Although she is recovered, I believe her selfishness stemmed from her anorexia and she cannot see past herself.

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      Anonymous 3 years ago

      Okay. Those comments really really shock me, you sure as hell don't know how much self-hatred it takes for a person to force themselves to throw up or starve. And of they did this all for attention huh, why would they keep it a secret then? Anorexia is a real mental illness, and if it was only as "visible" as e.g cancer was then everybody would be concerned.

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      NOTICE HIS GAME 3 years ago

      "sensitive is gay" is a game player....he/she only posted to get reaction. By targeting sensitive people, the jerk got the reaction he/she wanted.

      Best approach is to move on and ignore the jerk.

    • profile image 4 years ago

      I was a semi-professional dancer surrounded by so much measuring of thighs. Friends who were not dancers dropped major weight over the summer to unveil themselves on the first day of school. And there is more. Anorexics and Bulimics are crazy, and most of them will admit it. It is a deeply seeded psychological issue working in conjunction with massive insecurity, oftentimes sexual abuse, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc. And I will take it one step further, my friends who have gone through this admit to hate, power, and competitiveness as their primary motives. So let's all take the victim out of this, shall we?

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      gabriellamikayla 5 years ago

      wow. A very diverse mixture of comments. All accurate in

      their own ways. As someone who's been dealing with this since

      seventh grade. (12 years old). It doesn't start overnight.

      It's usually from low self-esteem and self worth; an

      overwhelming desire to be loved and accepted. So the girls

      see skinny girls in magazines and commercials and they're so

      pretty and they get attention and affection from guys or

      skinny girls in school date a lot of guys or are popular and

      appear loved. So these girls that ate searching for

      that sense of affection see this and start changing

      themselves so they can feel beautiful and therefore

      confident. I have very low self-control with eating so food

      became the enemy; a love-hate relationship formed. I want to

      be skinny so boys can like me and flirt with me and I can

      finally have affection. That is self-centered. But I don't

      think I'm a self centered person. I always put others before

      myself. I'm always sacrificing myself for others to a point

      where its Turing. But the thoughts The skinny thoughts

      creep up on me when I'm eating or when I see models or pretty

      girls anywhere or when I'm by myself. I blame myself for

      everything bad that happens. I don't deserve to eat I tell

      myself. Of course, I feel bad when I waste food. I don't do it often I just make up excuses not to eat. I may be different since I want to be a model and I feel I have to look a certain way. But I think it makes us feel strong not to eat. To have resisted temptation. We loose sight of a lot of things. I don't want ppl to know I'm anorexic. I just want them to think I'm skinny. I want to be able to wear anything and look good in it and feel good in it. I'm tired of hating myself and I think that's what it is. We're trying to fill a void in our life.

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      PEOPLE 5 years ago

      I AM SHOCKED. As a 13 year-old girl recovering from serious anorexia, i am disgusted and horrified by the comments posted above. ANOREXIA IS NOT SELFISH. it is NOT for attention, it is NOT vain, it is a REAL mental (and physical) illness! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. i would die if people at my school knew i had this illness, and my obsession with being thin came from years of being bullied about my weight and HATING myself. i hated myself, i was so disgusted with myself, that i wanted to die, and i wanted to go out at thin as possible. i am not an attention-seeker or stupid or vain so JUST STOP IT! hearing these comments, i am crying right now. You are all bullying people who bully themselves enough! and saying people with anorexia are all this, or all that, is a shrewd generalization. Anorexia is a real, horrible illness that is as potentially deadly and uncontrollable as cancer. You don't set out to be anorexic, you set out to feel better, and the disease takes over. everyone needs to wake up and stop treating eating disorders as decisions or pleas for attention.

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      Amber 5 years ago

      Anorexics may be self centered, but at the root of being self centered usually lies a low self esteem. People tell me that I'm self centered a lot.

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      Izzy 5 years ago

      I'm in treatment for anorexia right now. I can honestly not believe all of the negative comments posted. I am still trying to figure out why I have anorexia. Part of it is about feeling like I can never do anything right.

      For me, I feel like anorexia is the only thing I'm good at.

      I know this is not true, but I can't stop.

      I am not vain or self absorbed. I actually feel like I don't deserve anything. I feel like I'm ugly and hated.

      All of these comments re-enforce my beliefs, so please stop. You are really hurting some people.

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      5 years ago

      This is disgusting. Read a book people.

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      AM 5 years ago

      There's a real illness aspect to anorexia, and also a shallow and selfish one. Without the self-absorbed vanity, these people's genuine control-based mental illness would manifest itself as a different compulsive disorder, but the vanity and attention-seeking is what leads them to be obsessed with their appearance. I have sympathy for the compulsion itself, but not the self-obsession that leads to it taking this form.

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      not crazy 5 years ago

      the first comment is absolutly rediculous! they arent crazy if they have a problem. everybody goes through a problem in there life. you arent perfect.

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      Yeah ok... 5 years ago

      I like the article but just want to point out too that 'getting thinner' is not the only reason that people are anorexic. My friend was going through a hard time, and the only thing she felt that she could control was what she ate. So she went to the hospital. And to all of the mean comments up here; god people, this is a mental illness. Please, please, GET A LIFE!

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      anon7 5 years ago

      Ok anorexic ppl, lets say everyone says the truth to you all the time: "your too skinny and need to gain weight, its unhealthy". Lets say you take this as a "challenge" to be skinnier. You get so skinny, you die. BAM! thats it. YOU F***ING DIE! And who's gonna care? So do you want to die? and that is where it ends. keep getting skinnier bc you will just kill yourselves. and guess what? nobody is going to care in this world except a few family and friends. SO STOP WASTING EVERYONE ELSE'S TIME BY MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL WHEN ITS NOT AND SPEND YOUR TIME ON MAKING THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE!!

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      anom 5 years ago

      Iam disgusted by some of the above comments. My daughter issuffering from this terrible deasese I would not wish the mental anguish on anyone. Watching my beautiful daughter suffer is hearybreaking.

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      Whoah! 5 years ago

      Some of you guys are so MEAN!!!!

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      I don't prance 5 years ago

      my eating disorder is as real as the tears running down my cheeks as I read comments accusing me of being a "self-centered brat".

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      Alexis 5 years ago

      There are people in the world who die of hunger. Children who want to live die because they have nothing to eat and you are saying people should be sensitive towards anorexic people? People who have food, who can live and choose to starve themselves? I don't feel sensitive to any anorexic person who isn't sensitive for those 3rd world counties.

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      Lilly 5 years ago

      People are saying that anorexia is self centered and it affects middle class families. Girls prance around in bikini's whining about their lives. Please do some research before you type your comment. Look at it from my eyes. My family has barely enough money to buy food each month. We pray that the rent on our house doesn't go up or we'll have nowhere to go. I don't wear bikini's because I don't have that type of body. My father left the family after sexually abusing me. I developed depression at age 9-10. I have struggled with it for 8 years because I don't want to put more on my mom's plate for her to worry about. I love my family too much to let them know that I constantly wish I could die. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. I know people are starving in other countries. I feel so sad to know that they starve, loose their parents/children and have horrible diseases. I want to do something about this! I don't want this to happen. If I could send everything I never ate to them I would in a heartbeat. This isn't about being "skinny" for me. This is about coping. This is about control. This article is very true on the aspect with the voice. We all have one. It's not until you let it control that you hear it. It's hard to regain control once you've lost it. I want more than anything to be feel happy again. I want it so bad. So please, when you say things that would be bad for an anorexic to hear, I beg you, think about it and research it. It may seem selfish but really you shouldn't blame the people. Blame the media for wanting us this way. Blame the people who have raped us, who have told us we were fat, who beat us, who made us feel as though if we had never been born life would be ten times better. They started this whole thing. They planted the seed. Inception, for anyone who's seen it, exists for real. All you have to do is plant the thought, we all know that. So before you plant it, please, please think!! We're dying and we don't want to! We don't even know we're doing it. We think we're fine. Remember that voice? It's going to tell us it's all okay. There's nothing to worry about. Go with the flow. Don't touch that food. Go for a run instead. and then it will whisper something that you need to hear most in this dark hour, "I am your best friend. I will never leave you. I will never let you go. Let ME help you. I know what to do. Don't worry." And you'll believe it. It will say that every other thought and you'll hear it so much you'll believe it.

      Please be nice here. We need it so much. We want to stop the monster inside of us. Even if we don't realize it yet. And most days I don't. Most days I want to tell everyone to piss off, that I'm in control and to stop telling me what to do or telling me when I'm eating. And other days, when the voice is quiet because I've been doing so well, I know. I know exactly what's going on and I get scared. Which makes the voice panic and I then start the whole thing over again. It's hard to get back into control. Even when I'm "in control".

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      Anon 5 years ago

      There is so much hatred here. Anorexia nervosa is a mental disorder. Ignoring the troll above, I still cannot believe how hypocritical and idiotic some people are. Comments such as "people with eating disorders they do it to themselves they can stop" make me cringe at how illiterate and ignorant some people can be. Somebody suffering from anorexia cannot just "stop" in exactly the same way somebody with depression can just make themselves happy. To those who claim anorexics are girls running around in bikinis; that is highly unlikely. The distorted perception of their own bodies means that most anorexics would much rather hide their bodies. The people you describe are most likely girls who are after some attention, as opposed to having an actual mental illness.

      Everyone really needs to stop being so judgemental. Just because you know an anorexic who may be selfish and self-centered does not mean all anorexics are like that. Do your research, then you can see that, for most, anorexia nervosa is not a life-style choice, it is a serious mental illness.

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      Trolley Madnot 5 years ago

      I wish all the anorexics would just die, I hope everyone calls them fat ugly fuckheads and then slaps them in the face so that they stop eating altogether and die. Wouldn't that just be really funny!I hate those fat c*nts. I also think if your fat you should just keep eating until you die! Also Black people suck! I f*cken hate rangers aswell. Red haired fat f*ck.

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      Lululi 5 years ago

      Anorexia is like schizophrenia. Once you start the voice in your head won't shut up. It just keeps saying "why haven't you ran yet?" do you see how fat you are?" "are you really going to eat the whole thing?""you'd have more friends if you weren't so ugly" it's not their fault it's the voice in their head. The voice in my head talks too much but as a recovering one I try to ignore it.

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      Anon 5 years ago

      "Everything is heard as a criticism."

      Ergo, say nothing to the anorexic. Let her starve and leave the genepool that much cleaner.

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      Shona 5 years ago

      Hi I'm battleing anorexia I have a N.G tube and for those pathetic idiots who think not wanting to eat is for attention then I think they need to get there heads checked out. Anorexia is a mental health condition live with it.

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      someone 5 years ago

      Im 14 and currently treating don't choose it. It starts with something overwhelming or different (i have moved 5 times and my last move was from uk to south america) and a period of low self esteem with a little diet just to fit in with all the other skinny girls. Six months later, I lost nearly 10kg and im nearly level 2 malnutrition. Don't be naïve. We suffer more than the people around us.

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      Aubrey 6 years ago

      To those girls who have suffered from this horrible disease and want to be better: pants come in different sizes and so does beauty! Being skinny won't increase your self worth and it won't make you better! The sooner you tell ana who is boss, the better you are in the long term.

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      stargirl 6 years ago

      heya i know this might seem like attention seeking but my friends say i am really skinny when they are like sticks and i just feel really fat. i have really thin fingers but i have a fat stomach i do quite a lot of exercise but i just feel really self conscious because most of the people at my school are really thin and i think if i loose weight then i might be more popular. btw i don't think im so fat so im not anorexic and i eat a reasonable amount of food but im just got loosing some weight. can i have some advice how to do this cus i have exercised...

      please don't judge me btw...


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      Blunt 6 years ago

      Ok so Anorexia is no more a disease as is Alcoholism. You don't just take a mental disorder and label it a disease so people can feel sorry for you. Its in your head, get through your think dumbass skull.

      So you want to loose weight and starving yourself isn't working anymore. How about you get off your lazy fucking ass and do some fucking exercise! Nuff said!

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      Andrea 6 years ago

      You can't tell an anorexic person to eat, just like you can't tell a mentally challenged person to be smart. It's an illness where you just want to feel in control of your body. If you eat, you don't feel like you're in control.

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      Sandra 6 years ago

      I am the mother of a 33 year old Married daughter who have been diagnosed as Anorexia Nervosa. No matter what I say to her, she gets in a huff and leaves. Today we were to go out to lunch with her husband and I told her she looked good as she has gained a few lbs., She had hissy fit and wanted to go back to the Hospital. I FEEL TERRIBLE. but what the hell can I do , no matter what I say to her, she takes offense and I am at a loss as to what to say to her. Her husband is very patient but I do not seem to have his ability to calm her down. I HATE MYSELF for saying things to her that she finds offensive. I loved her at one point, but to be frank, it is getting harder and harder every day to try to please her. I am walking on egg shells here. What the hell can I do. But in retrospect, I would prefer she hate me and get over the OCD and Anorexia, than the alternative, DEATH.

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      Give a Shit 6 years ago

      The lord life blessed you with?

      Do you thank him every night for stealing those years of you?

      I would. And while i was at it, i would also thank him for F**king up my mums life and my grandmothers life.

      How can you thank lord?

      You just wrote how miserable your youth was, and in the same sentence how you thank the lord for your life?

      Why don't YOU think before you write.



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      Really? 6 years ago

      Hi. I recovered from anorexia.

      I'm selfish?

      I've been called selfless more times than I can count.

      I'm stupid?

      I've scored in the ninetieth percentile on every test I've ever taken.

      I want attention?

      No. I wanted to be so little I could disappear.

      I'm spoiled?

      I grew up taking care of my drunken parents and young.

      I'm ungrateful?

      I am so thankful for the life the Lord has blessed me with.

      Anorexia isn't real?

      It was real enough to steal years of my life from me. It was real enough to steal years from my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother, too.

      I need to get over myself?

      No. You need to get over yourself.

      Do your research.

      Think before you speak.

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      wtf 6 years ago

      to people saying that anorexics are stupid...

      it's a DISEASE. just like any other disease out there.

      yes, there are some who SELF-diagnose themselves as anorexics when they really are not. or those who support anorexia, "pro-ana" and all of that.

      yes, you should support those who are anorexic, as in helping them, but don't actually support the disease itself. it's deadly and should not be promoted.

      i am anorexic (NOT self-diagnosed) and it is terrible. it is not just something that you can simply snap out of. it is the hardest thing that I've ever been through. and I don't like people calling me stupid, when it is hardly my fault.

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      Me 6 years ago

      I would have preferred if the first commenter said "FIRST!!!!!!!111!!!!!one!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!! SUCK IT" to what they ended up posting someone needs to put that person out of my misery. Anorexia is a mental illness. That does not mean that anorexics are crazy. Someone needs to get that through this person's head the quickest way there is: through the face.

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      6 years ago

      Quite frankly i'm repulsed by some of the comments on here. Some people make anorexia seem like it was a lifestyle choice. I can assure you that no anorexic who is utterly entrenched in their behaviour sets out with the intention to hurt anyone, their behaviour affects others but they are primarily abusing themselves, it's a slow form of suicice. Secondly the Vanity comment is out of order, Anorexics are scared of being fat and are scared of losing control around food but for the most part it is not just about body image, did you not know that many anorexics hide their weight loss because they know that they will be perceieved as thin even though internally they feel like they are exploding with fatness? The fact that many anorexics try to hide their disease actually would indicate that they are not trying to obtain attention for themselves, the majority of anorexics use food restriction as a means of avoiding painful and unbearable psychological turmoil. If you think anorexia is easy to get over because it's just a middle classed selfish indulgent act, then you are the one that is ignorant, people die from this disease, and usually that's because they can't not WON'T i said CAN'T break away from the behaviour and voice that is slowly killing them. Brain chemistry also shows that anorexics have depleated levels of seretonin, and the processing in an anorexics mind is different to a non anorexic, so again to those who say it's a choice and not a disease- there is no other way to say it but you are wrong. On a separate note i agreed with this article, recovery is difficult and often seems unbearable to an anorexic, people just need to think more carefully about what they say.

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      These comments are so mean 6 years ago

      I have an eating disorder.

      I raise money with my school for a 3rd world country all year.

      Last year, we raised enough for a school in Kenya.

      We're looking into fundraising for a trip to a 3rd world country. If we raise enough, I'm going.

      So don't you DARE call me ungrateful because kids in Africa have it worse. I know.

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      some of you are just plain fuckwits. 6 years ago

      Seriously Marriedtoanorexic and all the others -would you say that someone with cancer is annoying to live with and selfish due to their illness effecting everyone else...NOOOOO because it's a mental illness the anorexic cant ask for help, just like battered wives can't leave their husband they are controlled by a more dominant personality/voice/person... an eating disorder is like living with an abusive partner..It's hell, is it selfish-yes can they help it NOOOO. shit you guys are intolerant.

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      Paul Edward Berry 6 years ago

      I've lived with somebody with this awful disease now for twenty years and i believe that she is somehow in a form of possessed state of mind, an addiction, its seems to be a behaviour pattern that i would like to think she is capable of escaping from, but as each day goes bye i watch her fading away,recently she has got worse,and I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst,there isn't any help for these people,infact there is more help out there for an alcoholic or drug addict and i should know as I'm in my third year of recovery. i find this strange because this disease has exactly the same symptoms except the drug of choice is different. instead of it being what goes up must come down,its what goes down must come up. whatever the behavioural pattern its clear that some form of rehabilitation is in order,but because the addict is only a danger to themselves they are left to their own wouldn't leave a person with cancer to their own devices. its all about the money trick folks and if you become ill you will very quickly find out what your worth.and let me just remind the finger pointers out there we are all in the same boat whatever your belief and nobody gets out of here alive!

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      uhh 6 years ago

      anerexia isn't real

      there a name for it

      idk but its retarded

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      somebody 6 years ago

      You guys are horrible. Not all people with anorexia are crazy. I’m anorexic; I was drove into it because I was made fun of. I hide everything I do, so I’m not an attention seeking brat. It’s a real disease. You people have no idea how it feels, no matter how much weight I lose, I still feel like a whale. Think twice before saying things like this.

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      justme 6 years ago

      I am working with an anorexic girl who also has ocd. I found this page as i want to understand how she thinks and what i can say or do to help. I have not really read anything on what to do to make it better. If anything i am more confused. A lot of you say its because you hate yourself so much but this girl is always claiming how beautiful she is and criticizing of others not herself. Is this a front or is she doing this to prop her own self up by making others look or feel bad. Im just trying to understand something that is obviously very complicated.

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      Marriedtoanorexic 6 years ago

      I am married to an Anorexic Woman - and it has ruined my life and my career. The disease has ruined her body, her hair, her nails. She is selfish, and I view her as just another dependent that God has dropped at my feet. Ok - its a hard disease, but there are a lot of hard things in life. If you are not seeking help and counseling, if during the moments you are strong - you don't open up to your loved ones and tell them you are sorry for the added burden your bring and let your loved ones know their hard work in putting up with you is appreciated, then you deserve all the disparaging comments.

      No, you are not good looking when you look like you just got out of a Nazi prison came. And yes, the issues you have with food that prevent a normal social life are borderline unforgivable, and the fact that you have starved yourself until your breasts are hidious, or that you have the hips of a teenage boy - NO, how could a husband find that attractive. The fact that when we go to Disney we have to wait while you exercise for three hours, then have to over cafinate so you can stay awake while not eating - making your already problemed personality all that much worse.

      Please, stop with the comments that they are fine and don't have to change. Get a grip, get some help and tell your loved ones that you love them.

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      Anonymous 6 years ago

      oh dear.. why is everyone calling anorexic's "crazy"? Maybe people with anorexia have come on this site searching for a solution to help them get better? They don't get anorexic on purpose! What would be the point in that? Plus, calling them "crazy" and "a pain to live with" isn't really going to make these people feel any better about themselves, they will think they are bad and stupid people and only starve themselves more because they feel like they don't deserve food. Like "Oliver" said in the comments- being anorexic doesn't mean your ungrateful! Maybe it's peer pressure or maybe they are sick and tired of being bullied for being "fat" or something and they want to loose weight!

      So for all of you people out there who have critisized people with anorexia, you should be ashamed of yourself. You don't know what it feels like to have a real illness and trust me, it's hard to stop, so don't critisize it until you've actually been there and walked in that persons shoes.

      To all those people out there with anorexia, don't worry. Everything will turn out okay! you're beautiful the way you are and don't need to change for anyone to suit anyone alses standards!

      Oh, and to the person who is called "Sensitivity is Gay", oh wow you come onto this website just to critisize people who may be dying!? Just because people have different flaws to you doesn't mean you have to point them out. I bet you have things that you'd like to change about yourself, in fact I bet you have even more things that you're insecure about. I suggest you change the name as well, homophobic people aren't smart and funny.

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      nonya 6 years ago

      Goodness, is this a "bash people" forum or a comment section for the "What not to say to an anorexic" article?

      Let's stray away from the extremes and foul language, k? Anorexia or any other ED is something that has so many variables that change depending on the person. No person can really understand the full extent of what goes on in someone's mind when they struggle with these things. There's always one common thing- the obsession that hangs on forever. You can never shake it completely. We're surrounded by images of size 0 models and clothes on the tiny mannequins being pinned smalller- I think every girl in America probably has a mild for of an eating disorder and a poor self image.

      Everything in this article is true, for sure.

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      FTS 6 years ago

      I only have sympathy for the anorexics who are genuinely ill and who can't pass that mental barrier of being in control. Those people are genuinely sick.

      I do, however, have a deep seething hatred for the anorexic people who start Pro-Ana websites and give out tips and tricks to other young impressionable people who might be struggling with weight issues. They make me sick and I couldn't care less if they dropped off the face of the earth. Preferably into the disgusting pit they came from.

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      Oliver 6 years ago

      Anorexia is nothing to do with being ungrateful. Every anorexic has their reason for developing the disorder, some are body imagine but some are not. Something happened to these people to make them feel like they should starve themselves. To be tiny, to punish themselves, or to be UGLY. Not attractive.

      You ignorant cunts.

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      Rainy Days 6 years ago

      I think its just wonderful that people are completely misinformed about anorexia. Someone said they feel sorry for people schizophrenia...its a mental illness just the same as anorexia. Just because you are too arrogant, conceited, and close-minded to put yourselves into someone else's shoes and try to understand that things like this happen doesn't mean they don't happen, and it doesn't mean they don't exist. Comparing anorexia to children starving in Africa honestly makes me want to punch someone...I am a huge part of a non-profit geared to helping starving families in Zimbabwe and yet I still struggle. No one fucking chooses this life-style, or to feel this shitty about themselves. So get off your high horse, because I'm so sure everyone that hates anorexics are devoting all their time and energy to helping starving people in Africa, especially when you have the heart to insult people with this illness.

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      jen 6 years ago

      i have no simpathy for people with eating disorders they do it to themselves they can stop.people with other illness's shizophrenia people they cant make it stop but u dead heads can think about the starving children in africa. That have no food or clean drinking water. Ur all fucking brain dead.

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      LeighRose 6 years ago

      I was anorexic because I wanted to die, for self destruction because I was depressed, it wasn't all about just being skinny and looking good. I wanted to take the place of every starving kid and felt so guilty tried to kill myself three times. I'm 16 years old now and slightly recovered and these comments are making me feel guilty all over again....but I guess there will always be ignorant cunts in the world.

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      .... 6 years ago

      I cried while reading some of those cruel and fowl comments,until you've suffered through anorexia,don't be so quick to judge

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      6 years ago

      Some people do 'fake' anorexia for attention and nobody can deny that...I've known people that laugh at their parents when they cry about what is happening...One girl when to hospital and passed out, and when she woke up she said to her parents and friends "Almost did it" and they said "did What?" and she said "reached 30kgs" and laughed.

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      another"selfish"anorexic 6 years ago

      i can't even begin to explain how much these comments hurt. i cried.

      anorexia isn't always about weight. i hate being skeletal. i know it's not attractive. it's something much deeper then that.

      but nothing i say will change you

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      Court 6 years ago

      It really makes me sick reading these comments. The sad thing is, most of you commenting about how selfish we all are in reality really haven't met a real person with this illness. We may be difficult to live with, but you're forgetting, thats the small percentage of us that actually tell someone. Next time you want to spout your hateful shit think about a person you know with all the confidence in the world, that is an amazing friend, loyal above all else, would be there in a heart beat if you called, supports you through all your shit and asks for nothing in return. The one who may look down at the table when dieting is mentioned, or clenches their jaw a little or has lost all this weight and looks fantastic or has become obsessed with health and the gym. Think about that person and maybe consider the possibility that they are struggling, that they are hiding it - it is afterall what we are good at.

      Maybe do a little research. You make me so angry, sitting in jugdement on us when who the hell are you to judge, you are neither my god nor my mother, you do not dictate my actions. You do not know me. The truth is I've been sick for a long time and it didn't start because 'I didn't want to be fat' - My whole life sprialled out of control and there was nothing I could do to stop it. What do you do when there is nothing you can do? So I controlled what went into my body, I lost myself so completely in that that I was numb to everything else, the cancer, the poverty, the stress of being perfect, the abuse, that scared feeling i lived with all the time, fear of dissappointing people I loved. In that time I was not self obsessed, rather, I negligeted everything about myself to look after the ones I loved.

      Bask in your ignorance guys, it's attitudes like yours that prevent a lot of us getting help. I hope you have a happy life with your hate. But be careful, that road may get a little lonely.

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      marie 6 years ago

      Oh man, oh man. All this ignorance.

      Anorexia nervosa is very far from being a self-centered illness. :U

      A lot of anorexics don't eat because they feel like they don't deserve it. And people like you make them feel worse.

      It's not really about looking good or being thin.

      Err, an example. Kind of like how some people who self-harm almost find satisfaction in seeing their wounds.

      But if you think about it, that's not why they cut or injure themselves, huh?

      And trust me, the "attention-seeking" ones aren't the truly ill ones. Most people with eating disorders are the ones you'd never expect. They don't want anyone to know, really.

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      hannah 6 years ago

      very good article, rang very true.

      The comments hurt on a lot of levels. I've been to hell and back with my eating disorder and never once was the real issue about weight. I think that's something the average person does not understand. The desire to lose weight, the fear of excess calories or fat grams, the incessant nitpicking in the mirror...these are all but symptoms of anorexia. The last thing I was seeking by dwindling myself in a downward spiral was attention. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to make myself smaller because it was safer, I had accepted death because I felt it was safe. If I was small enough, or yes, dead, then no one could hurt me again. More often than not anorexia, along with other eating disorders, stem from a traumatic event in the individuals past. It's a form of control, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. See, the reason it's so impossible to peg down an eating disorder as one thing (whether it's selfish, about weight, about the past, about control, about food, etc), is because the illness is unique to each person it effects. My life with anorexia is very different than the story above, but we both fall into the same category. If you really want to be well-versed in the subject to avoid making asinine comments that display your ignorance, then my best suggestion is to actually talk to someone who's been through it. It gives you the perspective you lack.

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      ashwipe 6 years ago

      I can't believe how cruel people can be. It's just like high school and the ones being cruel are the exact reason I developed an eating disorder. I'm not saying you should try to empathize with us, just don't come on here and tell us how "crazy" and "self-centered" we are. You have no idea what has happened to us or what we've been through. I don't have an eating disorder to gain attention. I have one because I hated myself and the way I looked. I still do. So try to understand because everyone at some point has had body issues.

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      Hurt by our cultural vanity 6 years ago

      I think the problem here is that the term 'anorexic' is banded around too much, much like other mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, etc.

      The true anorexic is a very ill, very vulnerable and fragile person who requires a lot of love and support. Yes, I imagine it can be difficult to support somebody with anorexia, as with any mental disorder, but it's not because the ill person is purposely attention seeking, they're just in a lot of emotional and mental pain. I myself suffer from bulimia, depression and anxiety and have done for over 10 years, I try to fight it sometimes but mostly I just try to do my best to get on with my life as a PhD student while, sadly, it still has its hold over me. I have also grown up around and do my best to support people with alcoholism and depression. Yes, it is difficult at time to live with myself and others with these mental disorders and I know I can be difficult to support when I can't cope with life and myself, but I can assure you that what I certainly don't do is intentionally seek attention, and I am sure this is equally as true for the anorexic.

      The problem I see is there are too many people who call themselves 'anorexics' who actually, although being massively insecure, do not have a deep routed psychological problem beyond thinking that the World revolves around them and that it is their right to have everybody's attention at all times. I have been too close too many times to this sort of person...they are vain, shallow and self-centred individuals who will do anything to satisfy this feeling that they are entitled to be centre of anything, including flirting inappropriately and getting involved in relationship and marriage breaking affairs, and also of course, 'being anorexic'. These people truly have no regard for the feelings of others and are very dangerous people to be around emotionally. They will put other people down, bitch about others people's behaviour and overtly be very insensitive about people's appearance, all the while highlighting how great they look, how much of a victim they are, how they love being size 'blah blah blah'. This kind of person has no problem with their self-esteem, yet will parade themselves as 'ill' for attention, all the while hurting people around them who genuinely are ill and vulnerable. This is where the ignorance about and intolerance towards people with true anorexia stems from. I'm sorry if this has turned into a bit of a rant, but I am so tired of this sociopathic behaviour tainting the plight of the anorexic person and diverting so much needed love and understanding away from where it is really needed :(

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      6 years ago

      I've beaten drug addiction, smoking addiction, depression and OCD... and beating Anorexia Nervosa was the most difficult out of all of these.

      You wouldn't stereotype for race, gender or sexuality... so why does this make it acceptable to stereotype for those suffering the mental disorder with the highest mortality rate? My heart goes out to all suffering Anorxia, it's a tough road of guilt, pain and self hatred, but there is a way out :)

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      why? 6 years ago

      might sound stupid, but why are you anorexics bothered about being fat, cant you just stop listening to what everyone else says?

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      Daisy 6 years ago

      I completely agree with CurvyBird, I have a sister that is anorexic but claims she's "vegetarian" but that meant still eating fish so she turned into "vegan", it's horrible. It stresses my parents out so much and she doesn't care the tuna she claims eats we now found out she is putting it in napkins and throwing it away, it's so SELFISH, and she is extremely self centered. She's A complete brat,19, and I have no clue why my parents haven't kicked her out on her bone-y ass. It's bullshit, she has everything, and she wears no underwear and has all these weird things she does, and above all she seems atheist and she's a pathological liar and doesn't give a shit. I don't feel anything for her, 1st I felt bad but it seems she loves having a therapist and all the attention she gets. Whatever, I'm done with her I feel for my parents.

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      Vix 6 years ago

      People, look at what you are all saying - there is so much anomosity here. Anorexics have deeply sad lives and are tragically tedious people and their families suffer very much too,

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      6 years ago

      I don't want to say what I think because that will just wind up all the 'annorexaphobics'. I don't want to say whether I or anyone I know has or hasn't got an eating disorder, like all the 'selfish' annorexics. I'm just going to say the truth.

      Annorexia is a mental disorder, much like bipolar, Schizophrenia, Insomnia and Alzheimer's. If you told someone with any one of these mental disorders to 'get over themselves then you would be seen as a selfish, ignorant brat, who makes offensive remarks. So why is it okay to say it about annorexia.

      Dictonary definition

      Anorexia: An eating disorder characterized by markedly reduced appetite or total aversion to food. Anorexia is a serious psychological disorder. It is a condition that goes well beyond out-of-control dieting. The person with anorexia, most often a girl or young woman, initially begins dieting to lose weight. Over time, the weight loss becomes a sign of mastery and control. The drive to become thinner is thought to be secondary to concerns about control and fears relating to one's body. The individual continues the endless cycle of restrictive eating, often to a point close to starvation. This becomes an obsession and is similar to an addiction to a drug. Anorexia can be life-threatening.

      So I just want to give all the 'annorexaphobics' a second chance to be understanding. Imagen that you are completely isolated, no one understands, every time they say they'll help they forget about you, you feel like they don't care, you give up trying to save yourself, you make friends online going through the same, they're are your precious links, the links that help you keep going, you are consumed by it, it drives you crazy, you hilusinate, nothing seems real, you want to die, but it doesn't happpen quick enough, you try cutting yourself, you believe your selfish and a pathetic loser, you can't cope, until one day they all notice because your lying in the middle of the corridor, you had a cardiac arrest-at 15 years old. They all notice, but they noticed too late. You're just another statistic, another 'selfish, self-centred, attention-seeking little brat'. 'Or was I just forgoten and betrayed because...well because...'

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      just someone 6 years ago

      No one is perfect or EVER will be certainly not me.. fat or thin.. and wtf is normal?

      It seems that every person who knows someone with the disorder or has had or has annorexia on here see's the disease from a different perspective and has a different reason for having it. Maybe that is because we are all different with different personalities?

      I suffer with anxiety and depression. I have friends who have ocd and various other mental disorders.I know some senitive kind loving peeople, I also know a lot of self obsessed vain selfish and thoughtless people, who arent annorexics.

      Ive met people who have had to cope for years with the selfish over dramatic behaviours of partners with this disorder and other people who have watched their loved ones , who are sensitive loving caring and kind souls, waste away; desparately wishing to say or do something that will change their habbits so as to make them realise their worth.

      I count myself as very lucky that i know my worth, which after years of sufffering from low self

      esteem and tolerated abuse, i finally grew to realsise it, not just to others but to myself.

      I truly hope that at some point you find true happiness and self contentment and that you are able to put whatever past issues you have had where they should be.. in the past... and look to the future at all you have to offer and all the choices that are available to you with persiverance and determination to succeed.

      Food is just a way to fuel our don't need for me to say this. I wish you could enjoy it for what it is as i do and not use it as a tool for you to control whatever issues you are dealing with in your mind.

      Enjoy YOUR life. Don't waste your liberty don't waste your time or your energy or what others think of you or don't. Appreciate everything that you have not dwelling on what you don't and yes someone else may have more and someone else might be prettier smarter funnier thinner taller more popular.. but they will never be you.. and they will never be perfect either... show me the perfect person and i would ask them how it feels to be so alone?.

      Im positive someone will make some smart arsed comment to this post because it seems in this world of arroganceand presumption that people naturally enjoy belittling others rather than saying anything constructive and it seems that people will always focus on the negatives. But it takes more courage to admit your faults and be humble, than it does to pretend to be something your not or strive to be.Pretentiousness is everywhere... like someone quite rightly pointed out some people find it easier to say things on here they wouldn't dare say in reality and maybe its those people who really need to get a backbone. Everyone is different and mental issues , including Annorexia are no laughing sneering matter and until you have been faced with similar yourself don't matter of fact everyone as same as they are very different things. We can all assume and presume to know what is what. And some of us are stronger than others or have learned to be.

      Don't give up keep going keep trying xx as one wise man once said Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising up each time we fail.

      Good luck to all you guys trying to help yourselves and those around you to cope with this i truly hope you all find peace of mind.

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      liza 6 years ago

      As a recovering anorexic myself,

      I agree that it is NOT a choice. It is not the desperate cry for attention that unfortunately some people have made it seem.

      One suffering with it really cannot look in the mirror without feeling so defeated by the illusionary "fat". No one would starve themselves knowing they could die, and not have issues mentally? It is a psychological disease.

      On the other hand, having been recovered for several years now and am not planning on relapsing, I know how anorexia can seem to those who don't have it.

      It does come across as selfish and self-centered. In fact, I will admit it is. Not intentionally though. But the fact that someone constantly thinks about their body and proportions is truly self-consumed. However, it is the opposite of vain self-absorption. You HATE yourself so much that its all you can think about.

      Also, let's say your wife or mother or boyfriend or brother has anorexia. It is so painful to know that no matter what you say, this person seems so set on destroying themselves. It makes you feel unloved and unimportant to them. I feel so guilty for hurting my family the way I did, but at the time I didn't understand why they even cared. I feel selfish for this. But it just was how deluded this disease made me.

      It truly is a disease.

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      emma1 6 years ago

      I can't belive the comments that I have read on here!

      People who says that anorexics run around in bikini's complaining about how fat they are, they aren't anorexic, try WANAREXIC!

      I have been suffering from anorexia for 5 years now, do I want it? No, who does?

      Saying all anorexics are self-centered and vain is incorrect, anorexics hate the way they look, and is often stemmed from a negative experience in life.

      Here's my stuggle:

      When I was 12 years old I was always compared to my twin sister, to how thin she was, and that I was always the chubby one, could loose a few pounds. Does a child really need to hear this? - do you not think that this was have some sort of mental damage for a child to be always compared to some one skinnier?

      I started skipping lunches at school, and was forced to eat with a teacher, I didn't. All I wanted was to be like my twin, thin.

      I got out of eating with teachers, and started skipping breakfast as well. And olny having tea at night.

      Now, I thought it still wasn't enough, and fasted for a couple days, at first I felt amazing that I had all this control, and I didn't know about anorexia or bullimia.

      As time passed, I tried different ways to get out of eating, all the excuses there is.

      Still I wasn't thin enough, I started making my self sick, I just wanted to be like my twin, - I stpped purging after 2 years - I hated it, its addicitive it was all I knew, that and starving.

      So you tell me that I'm self centered or want attention.

      I didn't ask for this, I didn't want it.

      If I could, I would go back and do it differently, do uit healthier.

      Anorexia is much of a mental disease as some one is has Schizophrenia, are they self centered? Because they don't say that anything is wrong.

      My family and friends don't know about this, I don't want them to, why? Because I don't want them to be dragged into this dark world, why should they have to suffer the pain I do every single day? They are so much better than me, so much stonger, I don't deserve a stong beautiful family. I'm worthless.

      The voice in my head, she tells me every day I'm not good enough to eat, I haven't earned it. And when I do, she punuished me, name calls me, do I have to share this with people I love and care about? - this is my own inner demon, and I can battle her alone.

      To the person who said anorexics are lazy, and if they wanted to lose weight they shoulg get off their lazy arse and exercise.

      Then you obviously haven't met some one with this disease, anorexics probably work out more than you, hours at a time, trying to work off all the calories of the day, and MORE! So look at the definition of lazy, because that's not it!

      I hate summer, sure it means I don't have to think about food as much,

      and I can exercise more, but its when my family look at me weird because

      I'm wearing jumpers and joggers because I'm ashamed of my body, I don't like

      to show it off and get attention, I hate what I've done to my self, but she says

      its beautiful, that I've done a good job. Have I really? Destroyed my teenage years?

      So how am I self centered? How do I want attention? I don't want ANY attention.

      So don't say all anorexics are self-centered and attention seeking, when some one who has any form of eating disorder doesn't want to be made a fuss of, they want to be left alone.

      So do some 'proper' research, before you say anything because your naïve comments can make some ones ED worse!

      You obviously know NOTHING of the disease, and I hope you never have to encounter it, or one of your friends. Because I would hatefor you to think they are self-centered or attention seeking when deep down they only want help but are too scared to seek it.

      So maybe take some time, instead of just assuming. Everyone's ED has a different story and background. And people like you should really look into what causes an eating disorder, and its not something anyone wants!

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      choco 6 years ago

      i agree that anorexia is an ugly challenging disease. i know someone with this illness. i know that it makes a person selfish. however, i was wondering if this illness makes the person mean. this person is very mean after she got ill and i don't know if this is personality wise or just the illness. before she got this disorder, i could see glimpses of meaness, but now it's too much. Any thought? an answer would be appreciated!

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      whitesouthafrican 6 years ago

      why do u darkies always bring up the white thing there is plenty black anorexic ppl in s.a stfu!!

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      trrish 6 years ago

      Wow, what an incredible display of ignorance here.

      My 12 year son, who has always been just a tad underweight, developed what was essentially anorexia after he had surgery that ended up causing him major stomach and intestinal pain. He is not anorexic out of vanity, he is anorexic from fear of pain. Anorexia is essentially "fear of food/eating" for whatever the reason is. And gaining weight is one of those reasons, but it isn't rational. Some of the commenters act like this is rational thought on the part of a teenage girl or boy. It's not. It's a disorder that has its roots in OCD and anxiety and it is mean, nasty and very difficult to overcome.

      We were in treatment with SEVEN YEAR OLDS. Still think they are selfish brats in bikinis?

      For the ignorant bunch, educate yourselves, or quit commenting on things you don't know about.

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      7 years ago

      You fucking morons! It's hilarious to read posts of angry insensitive idiots who bash people with a mental disorder saying anorexia isn't a real illness and people who suffer it are "brats running around in bikinis saying they're fat". Then, calling anorexics insensitive and self-centered. I suffer from anorexia, I want to overcome it, I don't consider myself self-centered, and I feel a lot of guilt for what I've put my family through. Anorexia is a frustrating illness for the sufferer AND people around them. I'm not a bitch, a brat, or anywhere near as insensitive as you people are. The reason you say anorexics are rude are probably because anyone talking to mongs like you would act in a rude way. My anorexia comes from a very low self-esteem, due to my other mental illness, anxiety and MDD (major depression disorder). This disorder was generally caused by my mother's lovely schizophrenic abuse I suffered for 17 years. Yes, schizophrenia, that disorder you claim to be real. ALL these mental illnesses are REAL. They all have real symptoms and real fucking consequences. Eating disorders are real whether you like it or not. I used to be a peaceful anorexic, you lot made me an angry one. Now, stop ranting and please go have consensual sex with yourself.


      Ms. Misundastood

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      Daughter of a "Helpless" Mother 7 years ago

      Hello "So What's the Next Step"... Thanks for contributing something of unique value here.

      A question for you, and to everyone reading this who is either a FULLY RECOVERED anorexic, or a family member of an anorexic (if you are currently battling with an eating disorder, I am not seeking a response from you): How about "tough love"? I.e., consequences. In particular, given from a (an adult) child of a mother who has for decades been in a state of learned helplessness??

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      So What's The Next Step? 7 years ago

      Those who have to deal with anorexic people have to understand that anorexia is not so much about being skinny but about gaining control over your live, about exercising will power and succeeding in something.

      Not vanity is their driving power but fear and low self esteem, which can have so many individual reasons.

      It's hard to accept the helplessness you feel facing an anorexic friend or lover. It's hard to accept their self-centeredness, self-loathing and inability to deal with things in life that to non-sick people come so much easier (although we all sometimes suffer from low self esteem, emotional instability or anxieties, we're just dealing with it differently).

      If your friend has anorexia, bear in mind that over time it changes her (or his) personality so you cannot expect her to process reasonable arguments. Not because she is not intelligent enough to understand but because she is not in the emotional state to accept them.

      And it's not just her looks that change:

      1. People with ED are "training" themselves not to eat or to eat but to get rid of those extra calories immediately. They tend to do more sports, to sleep less, to overexercise. And everyone knows how hard it is to change long-time learned behaviour - e.g. to change the way you react to conflicts or to be on time if you're a person who's always late. And that is even difficult without having major psychological problems.

      2. The lack of food and essential nutrients changes the body chemicals. It changes the hormones - which are the stronges driving power in all of us. The hormones disbalance so much that a woman stopps having her periods, loses all sexual desire and ability to be emotionally close to someone. Also it changes her ways to deal with certain emotions. Women with ED have problems with sexuality, orgasms, emotions, love, closeness - all being cases where you have to be able to let go, not being afraid of losing control. Mostly they will back out of all relations where they might be considered as "weak" by the partner.

      To properly deal with it "from the outside" we have to realize that it's a closed circuit: a person with ED has to change her ways of thinking in order to change her body. At the same time it is necessary for her to change her body to bring back the hormonal stability and to be able to change her emotions and her ways of thinking.

      There are two forms of therapy for that:

      1. Behavioural therapy where you learn how to break out of behavioural habits you got stuck in.

      2. Conversational therapy where you get help in finding the reason for your low self-esteem and the fear of losing control over your body and your life and eventually overcome it.

      So much for the theory...

      We have to understand both sides: People with anorexia cannot change easily just by being told that they are being unreasonable.

      Yet on the other side, it's hard for non-sick people to accept this kind of "self-inflicted" harm anorexics are doing to themselves.

      Also, while starving they are gaining the (alleged) feeling of control, while we're having the feeling of losing it completely. And that can make you EXTREMELY angry at times, no matter how much you love your friend.

      So how do we deal with that? Any ideas?

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      Emma 7 years ago

      Anorexia is an illness. YOU CANT HELP BEING ANOREXIC. Its called a slippery slope, once you start you can't stop. So you guys who claim that you were anorexic, shut up. Because if you were anorexic you wouldn't be calling all the other anorexic people idiots.

    • profile image 7 years ago

      I have recovered from anorexia.

      People should make no reference at all to a person's weight.The problem for me was self-esteem. My ex-husband was always commenting about how other women were hot because they were so thin. I ended up competing with these women. He was especially obsessed with female anchors.I was so jealous that I starved myself and worked out 8 hours a day. I started getting attention but it destroyed my libido which created problems for me in the bedroom.His obsession now turned into a sexual addiction and I turned off, which pushed him to sexual addictions and virtual relationships.He developed an infatuation at work. I found out after he was fired for it.The anorexia continued. My whole body was becoming affected by it.The epiphany occurred when I started teaching a course on self-esteem. I realized the problem had incubated in my own psyche.

      My advice, get support and utilize self-esteem techniques.. It worked for me.

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      amy 7 years ago

      annorexics annoy the fuck out of me. i know a few and they're all attention seeking narcissists, there are people starving to death allover the third world who would kill for the food we have on offer. it is not right that the western world is obsessed with 'healthy body IMAGE' when there is a real crisis out there.

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      liv 7 years ago

      And mr "sensitivity is gay" up there needs to do a lil research

      I mean I'm 13 and I know more!

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      liv 7 years ago

      People, some of those comments are pretty cruel.

      One of my best friend's is anorexic and she's not that much different from anyone else. Despite being a human tooth pick she's not stuck up like some people suggested all anorexics are. And really if you don't know what you're talking about, keep your mouth shut. I'm a 7th grader and having an anorexic friend used to scare the crap outta me.

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      lena 7 years ago

      Wow. All these negative comments about a mental illness. it's amazing what truly nasty things people will say online that they'd never say to your face.

      Would you say that depressed individuals are self-centered? or those with OCD?

      I was an anorexic in middle school. Now, in my twenties, I'm very healthy and happy. Quite normal. When I was an anorexic I was the complete opposite of what a lot of you are describing. I was painfully shy and often let people walk all over me because I wanted them to like me. I thought I stood out because I was fat, and all I wanted to was to be "normal." Many anorexics are timid.

      Anorexics often don't realize what they're doing, and most true anorexics (not the whiny popular girls) are very secretive about their habits, weighted down by guilt. Guilt for believing they are pathetic and powerless.

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      Allison 7 years ago

      My son is slowly dying from anorexia. He is an adult and I know I cannot control his intake or exercise. I realize there are demons thathe must face to get over this illness but he is in such denial... He is over 30 years old and has a beautiful wife and children. What should I say to him except, "I love you"? I want to shake him and tell him about NG tube feeding and being committed involuntarily to save his life, but I'm sure that would increase the pressures. How do I help?

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      WhatDOyousaythen 7 years ago

      You can't control what people are going to say, nor should you be able to, so as one who wishes they understood how to help, what DO you say to someone to help them build up the mental strength, or maybe let go, about food. It isn't anybody's responsibility to make others feel good (except maybe family), and unless you give them feedback or they somehow stumple upon this forum, how are they going to know they said something wrong? I feel like a huge issues is that just nobody is willing to talk it out all the way.

      On another note. It is certainly a difficult situation when most of the food available is unhealthy (ruined food). What's the point of all our food if it's all poisoned.

      Oats for breakfast, lots of protein, and exercise... only solution that works without starvation involved. If you want to burn more fat, you have to build bigger engine. counter intuitive.

      My biggest question in all of this is, what DO we say?

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      Anna 7 years ago

      really?! As I read all of these completely ignorant and insensitive comments about a disease that most of you obviously know nothing about, I keep seeing the point that anorexics are selfish and attention-whores. Stop generalizing the one anorexic you knew they kept the spotlight and realize that some of us never tell anyone that we struggle with food every single minute of our lives and that even though we know that we're completely messed up, we can't remember what it was like to be normal. Maybe you're friend, or child, is difficult because instead of having the decency to be a good mother/friend and try to understand what they're going through you spend your time trying to control their eating habits (which if you took the time to understand eating disorders would make you realize is making you part of the issue). Come on people, can't you just realize that this hateful disorder isn't about attention or making everyone else miserable?

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      wertpoi 7 years ago

      Lauren 3 months ago

      I'm really skinny and I eat a lot :) I proper love it!!! :D

      ... lol what was the point of posting that? hahaha :S

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      Anon 7 years ago

      Why are you all fighting over this? The world isn't perfect and everyone has their own view of the world. Ive had it and im fighting it and I can see both perspectives quite clearly, yes we can be self obsessed but what broke me out of it was seeing just how much it was hurting everyone around me. What can ya say "Lifes a bitch and then ya die, just got to do it differently next time around" xx

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      SUPres 7 years ago

      My teenage daughter has a friend who has anorexia. she has been a very difficult child throughout her life, ruining children's parties by having tantrums if she doesn't win, screaming in the playground if other children won't play games exactly as she wants them to. this made other children not keen to play with her. her parents constantly complained to the school and other people's parents about how other children didn't want to play with her. they never encouraged her to reflect on her own behaviour or consider the effect it had on others. her anorexia seems very like the way she has always behaved, just centred around food.. she does not fit the description of perfectionist person who wants to please others. she has always appeared the opposite - bullying, self- centred. she has never appeared to care about the negative effect she has on others and continues to behave like this. she constantly talks about her hospital visits and what she is and is not allowed to do. she always brings any conversation back to herself and seems completely uninterested in anyone other than herself. i fear that the diagnosis of "anorexia" is being used by her to continue to dictate to and control other people, as she has always done, rather than actually challenging her life-long self-centred and bullying behaviour

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      Al 7 years ago

      I am living with my daughter who has anorexia. She is 22 years old. I agree that a person with anorexia is selfish and is ruining our family. She has other brothers and sisters. Maybe you should talk to them and ask them how this has impacted their lives. My youngest 12 year old daughter lover her sister dearly, but has started to act out just to get some attention. When I speak to her she just says that "XXXX has all of your attention and takes all of your time. You have no time for me"

      You tell me as a parent how do you deal with that. This anorexia person is sucking the life out of me and my family.

      I can hold my hand on my heart that I have done everything possible to help but I can no longer help someone who does not want to help themselves.

      It is time to let go. If it comes to the fact that XXX loses the battle that is now her choice. I have the rest of my family and XXX's younger brothers and sisters to look after and make sure that they have a good life and not be second best to some one who needs to see what impact they have on the rest of her family.

      Yes my heart goes out to those suffering with anorexia, it is a disease. But so is cancer and the only way you can hope to get better is to fight and not take the easy way out.

      So in a way where you are dissing out on the comments that are tough and hard to hear there is no more soft talk to soften the punches as there are other people in the family who are suffering just as much as the person with anorexia however in a different way.

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      julie 7 years ago

      Not sure why but it said above that i had this disorder, I didn't have this disorder and I would hate to have to live with the voices they hear.

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      Julie 7 years ago

      I'm the mum of an 18 year old daughter who we have had in hospital for 5 weeks, I had this disorder!!! I face booked a really close friend of our daughters to say i was again concerned about our daughter and could she keep a loving eye out for her, as her weight had dropped in the past 3wks, so guess what she did, she told our daughter!!!great, so even close friends aren't always friends!! My heart goes out to all that have Ed's and to their parents & family this is so HARD!!! Our daughter was told if she hadn't put weight on she would be dead by christmas!!! Take care

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      Meyer 7 years ago

      People shouldn't worry about offending or upsetting these supremely vain people.

      If they want to starve themselves to death, let them die. It's their own stupid decision.

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      Cassie 7 years ago

      To the people who are criticizing those with Anorexia/EDNOS, do you not realize that it's not just for attention and because sufferers are stupid, whiny, vain girls? The decision not to eat is life changing and is brought on by deep self hate and dissatisfaction. These are individuals that think, deep down, so poorly of themselves that any petty and fucked up comments you make could never even come close to how they already feel about themselves.

      You know what, you don't have a problem with food, then good. Now eat your goddamn cheeseburger and shut the hell up, because in your mind eating that wont make you a worthless sack of shit.

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      herr 7 years ago

      are you kidding me?

      alright to all these people who think its just for attention, get over YOURSELF.

      i have anorexia & its nothing you can stop. its a mental illness. no im not a little rich white girl either.

      its a very hard thing to overcome, & even though i would never wish for someone to go through what i am, if you had this, you would understand how overpowering & uncontrolable it is. never judge people for what their going through. this is a very hard thing for me & my family. i really don't know how my family puts up with this, but they do. ugh i wish everyone understood how it is. i really do. because there arent words to describe the things i have to go through. the lies i have to say. i write how many calories i ate on my hand everyday. just to remind myself not to eat. it hasn't gone above 400 before.

      &when i get tired of seeing food & keeping track of the calories & recounting the numbers, i just force myself to go to sleep. & no, i don't sleep eaisly. i cry & cry. because nobody understands this crap i go through. i hope if anybody has this feeling they take care of it immeadiately.

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      Anon 7 years ago

      Being around many people with eating disorders, speciffically Anorexia is really difficult and quite a lot of the time i don't understand the mentatlity of someone who would do anything just to achieve that next goal. To make them selves so skinny that they cause lasting damage or pain. To me its actually more disturbing to know that its self inflicted, That in some kind of twisted set up there brain wont allow them to eat, to accept them self or to concentrate on anything other then their weight or there food intake. To say that they are wasting time of doctors actually blows my mind. If you are going to question who needs medical assistance then lets be honest who would fit the bill, who truly disserves it, whos never done anything wrong or contervesial. It comes down to the fact that Anorexia is a mental disease that takes over every aspect of your life leaving your true self burried beneath depression loneliness and obbsession. And until you've been around this destructive disease you cant begin to understand it.

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      Lauren 7 years ago

      I'm really skinny and I eat a lot :) I proper love it!!! :D

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      7 years ago

      Ffs, anorexics ARE selfish, self-centered and fucking miserable! There are actual diseases out there, which thousands to millions of people die of each year - cancer for example. And they're throwing a hissy fit cause they think they can feel a pinch of fat on one of their buttcheeks. Someone once told me anorexia was about control. WTF??? Why don't you take control of your life in the same way that mose people do; rebel against society, learn to drive, live on your own. Stop wasting doctors and valubale money that could be used to treat someone with an actual disease. Doesn't matter how much you "enjoy" it, there are lots of things I enjoy which I don't bother with because it's ridiculous. I just don't understand! I'D RATHER BE A FAT, LAZY SLOB, AND ACTUALLY GET THE FUCK ON WITH AND ENJOY LIFE! Self-centered bitch.

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      Anon. 7 years ago

      ^ I misunderstood you, Im not sticking up for those girls that TRY to have an eating disorder, honestly I don't believe that you can choose to have a disorder, its just different for everyone so good luck to you too.

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      Anon 7 years ago

      True..I don't know..but I guess from my experience those that enjoy it generally are the ones that choose it In my opinion(and it's not fact just my little opinion)there are the sick in the mind anorexics-that don't mean to, and over time bit my bit it takes over and controls their WHOLE life.Their ED usually is a result of something crap going on in their lives.

      Then there are the other kind..that want to get skinny/lose weight, and they chose to starve..rather than their mind playing tricks on them and literally stopping them from eating.I know it's still considered anorexic I'm not argueing with you there(promise)but I said In my opinion there not real anorexics..I feel it's a disease name and if your starving like the second group then you can help it.

      Look, just like I wouldn't argue religion or politics because everyone has a dif opinion and who says who is right, so you have yours I have mine...I just hope you continue to like it and it doesn't turn bad on you..because for a time I also somewhat enjoyed it..well just the losing a great feeling but I hope you continue to be able to control it and you don't end up in hospital...if you haven't I'd read best little girl in the's a look into the life of someone who didn't choose it, and although she wanted to lose read how she had the voice in her head.Then you may get where I'm coming from.

      Good luck.

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      Anon. 7 years ago

      What makes you assume I chose it just because I enjoy it?

      It feels good. Sure its bad sometimes, but all in all I'd rather be like this than not be like this.

      I've gotten out of being hospitalised many times, its not going to happen. I don't let myself get to that point.

      As I said before, two different types.

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      Anon 7 years ago

      You^ may have diagnosed anorexia nervosa, but to me if you love it then your not really sick and you know exactley what your all those horrible things people were saying in the above posts..they all apply to YOU..cause those that choose it are bloody annoying and if you know what your doing then I agree with there hard arse approuch...To ME your still not a proper anorexic if you choose's a mental disease that takes over your life, you don't choose it.

      I will tell you because I am a recovered ana, and although food still stresses me and still cannot stand the thought of getting fat..I know that if your truly stuck in hell you would not like it...or your journey has just begun and you haven't begun to hate it or feel trapped by still feel empowered by it...either way I stick to my initial comment.

      When your hospitalised and force fed through a tube..THEN tell me you still like it.

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      Anon. 7 years ago

      To you ^ up there, I have diagnosed anorexia nervosa so suck it. There's two kinds, theres the kind that like it, and theres the kind that don't, and I happen to love it. Don't you go telling me who has 'real' anorexia and who doesn't until you go through it yourself.

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      Anon 7 years ago

      PS.anon two posts above..seriously what crap..."you are better than them"..what crap..your making a mockery of those with real mental anorexia, you are one of the few that choose to be too skinny and love the attention...Your just as bad as the idiots saying the neg things about this disease...stop talking crap.

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      Anon 7 years ago

      I cannot believe you people who are being so heartless....yesssss living/being around someone with an eating disorder is annoying and frustrating but get a grip...what's the difference, we say that suicide is selfish and the cowards way out but they are seriously mentally SICK and cannot help there actions...CurvyBird Your a freakin twit saying...

      "Mental illness or not, I agree with the first comment, they need a kick up their skeletal backsides and informed that the world DOES NOT revolve around them. I have sympathy for people who have cancer, schizophrenia"....seriously you can't be that naïve...just like schizophrenia, having an eating disorder is the same type of mental disease.

      People with ED yes they are selfish and self centered but it's not intentional..they have a voice in their head(much like schizophrenia)telling them they are worthless, telling them they are disgusting, telling them that if they touch one scrap of food they will get hideously fat, (and we all know that that is the craziest notion as it takes weeks of crap eating to put on weight)but they aren't thinking like us..they seriously are terrified of makes them feel trapped and so take a step back people and think what it would be like for them..yes it sucks for those around them...really blows actually but nothing compared to them..they cannot help it..(well true annorexics..there are those immature idiots out there that want to be "anorexic" and thin, but they have no idea of the mental don't choose it-and if you are trying to then your not a real case..your an idiot).

      Be careful with your comments people and try to understand..its a mental disease.

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      Anon. 7 years ago

      You all need to stfu, atleast anorexic's arent fat disgusting slobs like you lot. We don't need that cake, we can resist, YOU cant.

      Disgusting, fat, lazy you all are.

      We're better than you are, get over it.