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What We See In Others, Is In Ourselves

Updated on October 22, 2014
The ones we feel a strong tie too are our teachers.
The ones we feel a strong tie too are our teachers.

Our Soul-Mates, Are Our Teachers

Usually the closest people in our lives bring us the most pain and heartaches. They bring out our best but they can also bring out the worst. The ones we feel a strong tie too are our teachers. It can be your parents, siblings, best friend, spouse and children. These are our soul-mates. What makes them our soul-mates? It's not only the love, attraction or strong emotions it's how they show us who we really are. They shed light to our own demons, to confront them and grow. Every-time we dislike something in someone it's because we carry those same traits and if they cause us stress, then it's time to deal with them and make changes.

Life finds a way for us to confront our faults,weaknesses and fears by seeing it in others. It's easy for us to point out the negative in others when we can't find it within us. Whether we realize it or not we attract our life's challenges usually by our thoughts and through our relationships. We attract like. We can learn a lot from others because the faults we see in them, are usually faults that we're not aware in ourselves.

It takes a lot of awareness and putting our ego aside to find out why we're judging others or why a person's behavior hurts us. However, using our feelings to investigate those emotions can helps us find ourselves.

 When we notice a flaw in a person it's usually a mirror of ourselves.
When we notice a flaw in a person it's usually a mirror of ourselves.

It Takes One To Know One

When we point out the wrong in a person it's usually the wrong that's within us. It's hard seeing those faults in ourselves because in a subconscious level we're not ready to see them or we're in denial. When we notice a flaw in a person it's usually a mirror of ourselves. If you pick up the behavior it's because you know about it. We have knowledge about it.

It takes one to know one, is a quotes that best describes it. For me life is a life class always teaching us and revealing things about ourselves. It's up to us, to be honest about our feelings. It's not easy looking within ourselves with a open heart and with acceptance. This is how I see it, we can be our worst enemy and how we treat ourselves is how we treat others. If we beat ourselves up, we take that same energy into our relationships. Blaming others is a cop out because it's so much easier to project those strong negative energy on others, to avoid finding out the truth about ourselves and fixing it. Fixing our-self is a lot of work because it takes courage softening our hearts and that can be a challenge. However challenges create change.

The Mirror Of Relationship

Since some of us may deny our dark side and strongest traits, we tend to attract people who posses them or even more of. Spiritual leader Deepak Chopra, calls it the mirror of relationship which he states is a powerful tool for emotional freedom.

Everyone we see in the world is a reflection of ourselves, and the traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves. Deepak Chopra has an exercise he states will help you embrace the coexistence of opposites within yourself:

Step One: Think about someone you find attractive. On the left side of a piece of paper, list ten or more qualities that you love in that person. Write quickly. The secret is to not give your conscious mind time to edit your thoughts. You can put down as many qualities as you wish, but don’t stop until you have at least ten.

Step Two: Now focus on somebody who totally irritates you, annoys you, or makes you uncomfortable in some way. Why does this person infuriate you so much? On the right side of the paper, list ten or more of their undesirable qualities.

Step Three: Look at your list for the person you find attractive and circle the three qualities that you find most appealing about him or her. Then look at the list on the right side of the paper and circle the three qualities you find most repulsive. Now read the six words you circled out loud. You are all of these qualities. Once you see yourself in others, you will find it much easier to connect with them and maintain emotional well-being.

I did the exercise and it helped me learn how I have projected my fears on others. I realized the traits that I see in others, I also have. However I feel this is empowering because what I see and feel emotional about are my guides towards change. I have to be real with myself first and accept in order to change. Some people will annoy us or get us angry but find out why, bring the focus back to ourselves,find those traits in us and make changes. If we accept these traits in ourselves, we can accept them in others.

After doing the exercise, can you now see yourself in someone who annoys you.

See results

Our World, Reflects Our Inner World

Personally for me I have been judgmental not only to others but to myself. However, I didn't put the focus on me of course. Every time someone did something wrong or behaved inappropriate I would put the person in the naughty list with a permanent ink. I would of course be nice to them on the outside but inside I'd dislike them. I was two faced but only because I wanted to be positive and keep the peace but inside of myself there was a war going on. There was a struggle because somewhere inside of myself, I was just like this person. As I began to gain more aware of my thoughts, my internal dialogue, I began to realize that I dislike some things about myself and I also put myself in the naughty list, for simply being human, having faults and making mistakes. I had to do a lot of forgiveness, to myself and then start to understand why I was so hard on myself. I needed to that to stop projecting on others and focus on why I felt negative towards others who irked me and why they irked me to begin with. It was a lesson of acceptance and forgiveness.

Therefore, this mirror relationship is helpful if we choose to use it as growth process. Reminding how we treat others is how we treat ourselves. Also what we see in others, lives within us and all we need to do is focus on our healing. The mirror relationship is a healing process because it teaches us to love ourselves and others with all our faults. We're all the same underneath it all.

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." ~Wayne Dyer

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."~ Carl Jung


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    • AliciaAH profile imageAUTHOR

      Alicia Alarco-Hernandez 

      4 years ago from Old Bridge, New Jersey

      Thank a lot Billy, that means a lot coming from you. I really enjoy your articles as well. Have a great day : )

    • AliciaAH profile imageAUTHOR

      Alicia Alarco-Hernandez 

      4 years ago from Old Bridge, New Jersey

      Thank you Ms Dora for your positive feedback. The exercise its powerful, it helped me and I'll keep using it in the future, to bring the focus back to me. Have a great day.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You are much too young to be this wise, and I say that as the highest compliment.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Very interesting thoughts--as is the exercise, which I intend to try. Voted Useful and Interesting!


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