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What Is Pathological Envy?

Updated on September 27, 2017

A true narcissist generally will be composed of a limited array of emotions. Pathological envy is one form and it arises from the narcissists need to be number one. Envy is the strong desire to have what someone else has. A narcissist truly believes that they reason that anyone around them is accomplishing anything, is because they desire to be like them. They feel like they are the ultimate achiever. So when you do have success in a certain area, the narcissist will stop at nothing to halt you in your tracks by any means possible. When he witnesses others around him having success in a particular area, they will fabricate the emotion of happiness for the person, but later on, they begin to plot and plan on how to defame that person's accomplishments. This may come in the form of a derogatory remark or comment about the achievement. Or the narcissist may triangulate with someone under their narcissistic control, which includes a spouse or one of their children, to pursue the same type of achievement. This will enable the narcissist to portray that your accomplishment is something average by comparing you and expressing that the achievement was nothing to brag about because their child is doing the same thing.

It truly can be one of the most devastating experiences to realize that someone you considered close to you, will go to extreme lengths to lower your self-worth because they feel threatened by your success. Frankly, it's quite shocking that someone could be so cruel. The narcissist has no conscience and could care less about the emotional harm that they are causing for others. They have the delusion that they are unequivocally superior to others to where they become maliciously critical. However, the moment you identify a mistake that they've made or their lack of knowledge in some area it provokes rage.

Conversations with the Narcissist

When you are conversing with a narcissist you will notice that they are monopolizing on every word that comes out of your mouth. If you express to them a strong dislike regarding a matter they will use every opportunity to use that very subject to get you upset or flustered. A normal person will listen to your dislikes and try their best to not irritate you with it, but a narcissist feeds off your negative reaction. This will be especially true if you have an important occasion that you are being honored at or that you are hosting. They want to make sure that they do everything in their power to sabotage it or make you wish that the occasion never took place.

If you express to the narcissist that you are struggling in a certain area they, again, will use every opportunity to bring up that you are weak in that area and how they themselves can help you to achieve better. Every effort that is made will be to ensure that the advice that they have provided is successful and anything that you attempt to achieve on your own is a complete failure. Of course, this is done by sabotaging your work and efforts.

In addition, when you do achieve a goal that they personally have set for you, they have no problems throwing a party for you and standing up in front to congratulate you on the accomplishment. Again, bringing the attention back to themselves by being the "ring leader" and controlling every aspect of what happens at the celebration. If you truly pay attention, you can see that the party is really for them and not for the achiever. They will use your accomplishments to accentuate their false self.

Narcissists Controlling Nature

When the narcissist begins instilling into your mind the need for them to help you with every aspect of your life, you begin to lose your own value and independence. You then begin to rely on them for absolutely everything; what to eat, what to wear, how to act, and who to speak to becomes something you robotically start asking for the approval of the narcissist. There have been some reported cases of the narcissist demanding that their spouse have a bedtime that they have set. This is exactly what they want; making you feel inferior to them and 100% reliant on them is their main goal. They also don't want you to have a separate social circle where they would not be present. So, if you are a female you would not be allowed to have your own girlfriends that you cling to for advice. They don't want you to engage in any activities outside of them because if you find anything to gain self-confidence and become good at something, they again will experience that pathological envy. Narcissists have to be the best at everything.

Isolation from your support system and insisting that you do not accept employment is another tactic to get you to rely solely on the narcissist for everything. When they begin the devaluation phases of the relationship you start to truly believe the lies that they have implanted in your head because you have no one to counter those negative thoughts. Having a job outside of the home would give you a personal life of your own and in the mind of the narcissist that just cannot happen. This would ultimately mean that you would gain knowledge and have a skill about something outside of them. If your employer sees that your work is well above par you can gain the opportunity for advancement or even a management position. Developing both management and independent skills and thinking is not what the narcissist wants.

Going no contact is the best thing that you can do for your mind and your body. You can literally feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders because you don't have to worry about pleasing the narcissist or experiencing their rage if you do not follow their every command at the time that it's spoken. Taking back control over your life and making decisions can truly be liberating.


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    • NarcShark profile image

      Olivia Brun 4 months ago from Syracuse, New York

      Thank you so much. :)

    • yashodhara profile image

      Yashodhara 4 months ago from India

      This is a really good article, exactly what I needed for my assignment! :)